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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349216">let’s watch it all burn down together</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/iris_on_the_moon/pseuds/iris_on_the_moon'>iris_on_the_moon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Legacies (TV 2018), The Originals (TV), The Vampire Diaries (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Apocalypse, Death, F/F, Hosie, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Minor Relationships, Slow Burn, Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-05-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:42:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>54,243</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29349216</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/iris_on_the_moon/pseuds/iris_on_the_moon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>•Hosie apocalypse au• also on wattpad, updating every other day, probs gonna be 60ish chapters idk we’ll see :)</p><p>The world has burned down to ashes. Cities are all but dust in the wind, along with everything that everyone once knew. The living dead roam the deserted land and only those who make desperate sacrifices survive.</p><p>Hope Mikaelson, heir of her family's wealth, goes against her better judgement and takes people in, now the leader of a group taking camp in an abandoned parking garage in Atlanta. They fight for their lives against the dead every day, but the living seem to pose a greater threat.</p><p>Unwilling to let her guard down, afraid to risk the safety of her people, and haunted by her own mind, Hope finds her world flipped again when an unexpected group finds their way to her camp in need of help. Specifically the girl whose eyes see right through Hope's cold exterior.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hope Mikaelson/Josie Saltzman, Jade/Josie Saltzman, Lizzie Saltzman/Sebastian, Milton "MG" Greasley/Lizzie Saltzman</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>230</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>628</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi! i’m honestly just writing this for myself bc i loved the idea of a twd au for hosie, but i figured i’d post it in case anyone else is interested! i’ll probably be updating this every other day, but i’ll let you know if that changes idk. hope you like it! (ps: i’ll probs explore a couple different ships in this but hosie is the main one and it’s mainly centered around them ofc. other ships will just be background)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope Mikaelson walks along the dark corridors, her footsteps echoing and vision blurring with each movement. She's on day three of no sleep and is dreading the inevitable questions she'll get tonight. And what can she say? She doesn't have the energy to make up excuses. She can barely come up with any to tell herself.</p><p>She pauses when she gets to the infirmary. It's not much- just a cornered-off area with a curtain for privacy, a few barely sterile medical supplies they've scavenged over time, and an old cot.</p><p>Hope's hands graze the fabric of the curtain, but she hesitates. She knows seeing the boy in his condition will just make everything worse. Her guilt for not being able to protect him is already strong enough.</p><p>She forces herself to turn away and blames the tears prickling at the corners of her eyes on exhaustion.</p><p>The ramp that leads to the roof is still scattered with blood. No amount of scrubbing will get it out completely. Hope knows that she'll have to relive the moment every time she passes. And she accepts that. She deserves it.</p><p><em>The fresh air will help</em>, Hope tells herself, and even though she knows deep down that it won't, the possibility still comforts her.</p><p>When she gets to the roof, Hope wishes she had put on her jacket. The wind is getting stronger. She'd never say it out loud, but she's terrified of the winter's arrival and everything that'll come with it. The few crops they have will wither and the walls of the abandoned parking garage don't provide much warmth to begin with.</p><p>She shakes away her fear, forcing a smile as Maya Machado approaches her, a crossbow around her shoulder.</p><p>"I'm about two seconds away from knocking you out, Mikaelson," the girl jokes, but Hope can hear the genuine concern in her voice.</p><p>"I'll head back down in a bit, I just wanted to check in," she replies, and despite not believing her for a second, Maya nods and follows her over to the ledge. "I didn't hear any gunshots."</p><p>"It's been a good day," Maya murmurs, worry building up in her chest. They both know that there's no such thing as a good day. Just a few peaceful moments before everything goes to shit. "Ethan tried to shoot a squirrel today. Missed by a mile."</p><p>Hope can't help but laugh, shaking her head. "Yeah, I'm not sure what I was thinking, having him posted up here with you."</p><p>"Hey, my aim's getting better," Ethan Machado says as he walks up, wrapping his arm around his sister. "You just love to talk shit."</p><p>Maya pushes him off. "You make it so easy."</p><p>Hope smiles and turns back to look over the ledge. Something else she would never say out loud- she's envious of the twins.</p><p>Hope wishes she had someone for comfort, someone she could just be honest with. As the leader of their group, her job is to protect everyone and erase all doubt from their minds. If she were to be open about how suffocated she feels by the pressure and how utterly afraid she is... she could never. The apocalypse already tore everything they knew away, she can't make them lose the little bit of hope they have left, too.</p><p>"So, are you taking over our shift? 'Cause I could <em>really</em> go for a nap right about now," Ethan jokes, immediately getting an elbow to the arm by his twin.</p><p>"No, she's going to bed. Right?" Maya asks pointedly, only earning an eye-roll from her friend. She turns to her brother and nudges him. "Give us a moment?"</p><p>"Yessir," Ethan replies, giving them both a mock salute before sauntering off.</p><p>Now that they're alone, Maya turns to fully face the auburn-haired girl. "You can't keep doing this."</p><p>Hope sighs. "I'm fine."</p><p>"You're not. And people are noticing. They're worried and I can't tell them that it's nothing because even I don't believe that."</p><p>"I don't want to do this right now, Maya," Hope mutters, a cold shiver running down her spine. This is definitely their coldest night so far.</p><p>
  <em>And it'll only get worse.</em>
</p><p>Maya has the good sense to hesitate. She knows better than to push. However, she also knows that this cycle won't stop if she doesn't interfere. "You need sleep. Real sleep, not this. You look like shit."</p><p>"Thanks."</p><p>"I'm serious."</p><p>"I know," Hope says- because she does. She can tell that her response doesn't provide Maya any comfort. "Look, Kaleb and Jed should be back by tomorrow afternoon. I'll feel a lot better taking time off once they're here. We can't let our guard down."</p><p>Maya just nods, knowing that's the best outcome of their conversation that she could've hoped for.</p><p>Hope's thankful that she stops pushing, and allows herself to relax. Sometimes she regrets letting Maya into her head. Her friend doesn't know much about her, nothing about her past, but she <em>gets</em> her. And Hope wants people to understand her, it feels good to not be hiding from everyone all the time- but it's also scary.</p><p>The two stand there silently, the tense atmosphere leaving them as they both look out across the city.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Dad, please, she can barely walk!" Elizabeth Saltzman shouts, trying to run and practically drag her sister, Josette, along with her.</p><p>"We can't stop!" Alaric shouts back at his daughter, shooting down the closest walkers and clearing a way. "Through here!"</p><p>Elizabeth grunts as she adjusts her grip around her sister's waist, nearly holding all of her weight. "Jo, you're going to have to help me out a little here," she grits out, slowly pushing forward, trying to keep them moving.</p><p>"Lizzie, just... just go ahead," Josette manages to get out, her voice failing her. The pain in her leg is shooting up throughout her body, making every limb feel weak. The shock of the gunshot has worn off and if it weren't for her throat burning from dehydration, she'd be screaming in agony. Her eyes start to flutter shut, searching for peace from the fire in her veins. "I'm okay, I'll... I'll catch up."</p><p>Elizabeth ignores her delirious sister and lowers her down gently against an abandoned car. She grabs her knife and moves towards the growling, before lurching forward and stabbing the metal through the head of the nearest biter. "Dad, they're catching up, we need to take cover!"</p><p>Alaric is struggling to find somewhere to hole up, most of the buildings around them destroyed. Going into one with blown-out windows and broken doors would just trap them. "How many rounds do you have left?"</p><p>"Not enough!" The blonde yells back, the gash in her arm opening up again as she shoves off another biter. She holds in a scream, despite how painful the stitches breaking feels. She's not surprised that they didn't hold, it's just possibly the worst timing ever. "Motherfucker," she curses under her breath before bracing herself. The remaining string in her skin isn't any good to her now. She squeezes her eyes shut and quickly yanks out the rest of it, her skin burning as it tears through her wound.</p><p>"Looks like our best chance is the woods!" Alaric shouts, struggling to retie his knife back onto his belt.</p><p>"She can't keep going like this, she'll bleed out! We need to find somewhere to hole up, she needs to rest," Elizabeth argues as she tries to get Josie back onto her feet.</p><p>But the infection is spreading and the second there's pressure on her leg, Josette immediately collapses back down, a blood-curdling scream filling the air.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope pushes against the wooden gate, making sure it's secure, before letting out a sigh.</p><p>Despite Maya's many objections, Hope couldn't stand being in their camp another minute. Even with the roof of the garage, she always feels trapped. When she's there, with everyone... it's impossible to breathe. Even when everything's okay. Even when everyone's happy and safe, there's always the possibility of everything going wrong and Hope having to pick up the pieces.</p><p>She knows that Maya's probably watching her from the roof, so she turns the corner of the street, out of sight from the large building.</p><p>Overturned and abandoned cars are scattered throughout the street, and Hope reminds herself to stay clear of them while passing. Anything can be hiding out in there.</p><p>Maya was right. It is a peaceful night.</p><p>
  <em>Too peaceful.</em>
</p><p>Usually, there's a car alarm going off from being bumped into by a brainless walker or at least some sort of banging coming from a group of them trying to break down a door.</p><p>It's too quiet, and it's unnerving. It isn't right.</p><p>Hope unholsters her gun from her belt and holds it down at her side, knowing that this would be the worst time to get caught up with a herd. It's night, she's alone, and... well, if anything happens, Maya will probably say <em>"I told you so"</em> the second she returns.</p><p>The last one motivates her the most.</p><p>She takes cautious steps down the street, her heart pounding because she senses it. She's always been able to tell- she doesn't know <em>how</em> she can tell, the air just feels... <em>different</em>.</p><p>And sure enough, as her right foot makes contact with the pavement, a snarling echoes around her.</p><p>It's crazy how it can go from so quiet to so loud. It's a herd, a big one.</p><p>She thinks about turning around, but she doesn't stop walking forward, something telling her that she needs to keep going.</p><p>She picks up her pace, sprinting now, and turns the corner at the next street, a scream hitting her immediately.</p><p>She rushes forward and starts shooting- it's dumb, she knows it is, but that scream makes Hope ignore her better judgment.</p><p>Walkers quickly fall to the ground, bullets drilled into their heads, but there are too many of them.</p><p>And then she sees the blonde, though it's hard to assume that she's the one who screamed, seeing as how she seems to be fine as she fights off the walkers.</p><p>There's also a man, much older than her, and Hope doesn't have the time to make assumptions about their situation.</p><p>The herd is closing in and it's clear that they're in no condition to keep fighting them off. And, honestly, neither is Hope. Her exhaustion is building and if it weren't for her adrenaline rush, she would've passed out right there on the street.</p><p>"Come at me, you dumb motherfucker! Come on, asshole!" the blonde screams, and stabs into a walker's jaw, missing the main target.</p><p>Hope aims her gun and shoots directly at the dead man's forehead, causing the blonde to stumble back. She turns to Hope and sticks her knife out at her. "Who the fuck are you?"</p><p>"Your savior," Hope replies sarcastically, before shooting another member of the herd. "Don't you know you're supposed to get them in the brain? They come back otherwise."</p><p>The other girl grunts as she stabs one right through the temple. "Yes, thanks so much for that advice."</p><p>Hope rolls her eyes, and checks behind them for more walkers- and that's when she notices the brunette girl leaning limply against a car. "Shit," she murmurs, and her first instinct is that she's dead."Who is that?"</p><p>"That's my sister. Stay away from her, just help me fight off these fuckers and we'll be on our way," The blonde responds.</p><p>Hope stops shooting and moves towards the brunette, immediately leaning down to check her pulse. It's so faint that she almost doesn't pick up on it, but it's there. Barely.</p><p>"Hey, I said stay away from her!"</p><p>
  <em>She won't make it much longer.</em>
</p><p>Hope hesitates, not knowing quite why she feels the need to help them, but makes the offer anyway. "I have a camp. It's secure, we have food and supplies."</p><p>"I don't even know you," the girl shouts back, not willing to just accept help when it's clearly needed.</p><p>"I'm Hope. Stop being a bitch and let me help you."</p><p>Hope doesn't let people into her camp, and she's waiting for the regret of offering to rush through her- but it doesn't. Her only thought is to get them to camp. They'll die out here otherwise. And Hope shouldn't care. She's let plenty of people just pass through and die. She doesn't let strangers in.</p><p>"One night, to get rest and heal up. Then you're out. Deal?" Hope asks, this clarification making her feel better about the situation. It's only temporary.</p><p>The blonde hesitates but then reluctantly nods."I'm Lizzie, that's Josie. She's my sister. Her leg is kinda fucked up right now."</p><p>Hope inspects the limp girl's leg, making sure to keep her distance- she isn't scared of the blonde, not at all, but she also doesn't want to risk anything out here in the open. "We can take care of that."</p><p>The man approaches them, slowly stepping in front of his daughters. "I'm Alaric, their father. You have a camp?"</p><p>Hope rolls her eyes. "Let's go before you become walker food."</p><p>"Jo, hey. Josie, we're gonna get you healed up, okay? I need you to stand up."</p><p>Lizzie is struggling to get her sister up and Hope knows that if they don't get out of here quick, they won't be able to outrun the walkers.</p><p>Without a word, she steps forward and puts a hand on Lizzie's wrist. "I got her. We have to go."</p><p>Lizzie is clearly hesitant but backs away, letting Hope hook her hands underneath Josie's arms and legs, lifting her up effortlessly.</p><p>The brunette's body is disturbingly cold and Hope feels adrenaline surge through her again.</p><p>
  <em>She'll die. She can't die.</em>
</p><p>Hope doesn't have time to question her thoughts and why she feels the need to help them, so she just nods forward, motioning towards the way she came. "It's just around the corner, let's go."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>genuinely didn’t expect ppl to be into this but i’m so happy you guys like it so far! i’ll be updating daily for now and let you know if that changes! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It's not long before they all make it back to Hope's camp, the walkers following close behind.</p>
<p>Maya spots them immediately from the roof and begins shooting at the herd, Ethan racing down the ramp to help get them in.</p>
<p>The doors to the gates open a minute later and Hope shouts "Go!" as she readjusts her grip on Josie so she can run with her in her arms.</p>
<p>Lizzie and Alaric quickly race past the gates and Hope carries the injured girl inside, Maya covering them from above. Ethan closes the gates as soon as they're all safe, walkers right outside and banging against the barrier.</p>
<p>"Search them and get some answers!" Hope shouts to Ethan as she moves swiftly to the second-floor infirmary and lays Josie down gently on the cot next to Pedro's. "Kym!" she shouts as she uses her knife to cut a hole in the girl's jeans, right above her knee. As she presumed, a huge gunshot wound punctures the skin and it's clear that it's infected. “What can you do?"</p>
<p>Kym curses and grabs towels, pressing hard against her leg.</p>
<p>Josie suddenly shoots up, a scream forcing its way past her lips.</p>
<p>"Hold her down!" Kym yells, moving away to the other side of the room.</p>
<p>Hope tries to be as gentle as possible when she shoves the girl back down on the bed, but she tightens her grip as Josie thrashes in pain.</p>
<p>Kym's back at their side quickly, a needle in her hand. "It's a sedative. This will give me enough time to really see what we're dealing with and patch it up safely."</p>
<p>Hope nods, waiting for Kym to use it- but she just watches her. "What?"</p>
<p>Kym sighs and tries to ignore Josie's screaming. “It's our last dose. The chances of us finding more are very slim. Are you sure you want me to use it on her?"</p>
<p>Hope hesitates, now understanding the situation they're in. She glances over at the boy laying in the other cot. There are still nights where he wakes up in pain, and the only way to calm him down is the sedatives. The hesitation only lasts another second, when she looks back at the brunette, her eyes now open wide as she sobs. It's the first time Hope has seen her eyes, a golden brown with nothing but pure agony sparking through them."Use it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Let go of me, asshole!" Lizzie screams, trying to get out of the older boy's grip on her arms. She feels hard plastic pressing into her wrists and immediately knows they're zip ties. "Don't you fucking dare!"</p>
<p>Alaric is also struggling as another boy does the same to his wrists, and they're pushed up to the wall, now being searched roughly.</p>
<p>Lizzie's knife is snatched from her belt and tossed across the room, along with her case of bullets. "Hey, those are mine! Let me go!"</p>
<p>"You need to relax, you'll get everything back when you leave," a calm voice says as Lizzie is turned around to face them. “It's policy, I'm sure you can understand why."</p>
<p>The boy is older, maybe nineteen, but nowadays everyone's concept of time is blurred. He has an accent and a nice bone structure, and Lizzie is <em>definitely</em> focusing on all the wrong things here. Sure, he's attractive, but he also just stole all her shit and manhandled her into zip ties. "Fuck your policy," she spits back, her focus returning to her sister who's completely out of sight and in the hands of total strangers.</p>
<p>"I'm gonna go help Maya on the roof, do you got this covered?" the other boy asks the one standing in front of her.</p>
<p>The British one nods and looks back to Lizzie. "It's only temporary, I promise. Just until we get the mess outside under control," he explains gently, then continues when Lizzie just glares back at him. "I'm Sebastian."</p>
<p><em>Even his name is cute</em>, Lizzie thinks, but quickly shakes the thought away. She figures she might as well introduce herself before kicking his ass. "Elizabeth. I go by Lizzie. My sister is Josie, and that's my dad that you have tied up over there- Alaric."</p>
<p>"Elizabeth," Sebastian repeats softly, and Lizzie hesitates. No one's called her by her full name in a while, and she suddenly really likes the sound of it.</p>
<p>"I go by Lizzie," she repeats, trying to keep up her badass image and not get flustered over some boy. <em>This is the apocalypse for fucks sake.</em></p>
<p>Sebastian smiles. "No more kicking and screaming, alright? I just have to ask you a few questions and then I can take the ties off."</p>
<p>Lizzie shakes her head in confusion. "What kind of questions?"</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope meets Maya and Ethan at the roof, immediately cursing as they fire their guns down at the herd. "Hold it!" she yells, the echo of the bullets halting a second later. "It's just attracting more, our best bet is to just let them pass."</p>
<p>Ethan lowers his gun and lets out a sigh. "What if the gates don't hold?"</p>
<p>"They will. We'll keep quiet tonight, they'll lose interest eventually."</p>
<p>"What happened out there?" Maya asks, setting down her crossbow.</p>
<p>Hope looks out over the ledge, trying to take a mental count of the walkers. "They were caught up in a herd," she murmurs simply, and that just confuses Maya more. Before she can question it, Hope turns to her. "I don't know. They were helpless, I helped them, and then I brought the trouble here. It was a rash decision. But they're out of here tomorrow."</p>
<p>Maya nods, clearly seeing her friend's exhaustion and not wanting to push any further. "I'll go let everyone know to keep it quiet tonight," she says before heading down the ramp.</p>
<p>Hope follows after her, going a separate way to head back to the infirmary.</p>
<p>The brunette in the cot is passed out, her hair now pulled back as Kym begins putting medicine across the cuts on her face."How's her leg?" Hope asks quietly as she takes a seat at the end of Pedro's bed.</p>
<p>Kym shakes her head. "It's hard to tell. The infection's spreading and there's no exit wound."</p>
<p>Hope looks up. "The bullet's still in there?"</p>
<p>"Yeah. Hopefully, Jed and Kaleb come back with supplies, or else I'll have to dig it out with my hands, and... it won't be pleasant, to say the least."</p>
<p>Hope cringes at the thought and turns her attention back to Pedro. She brushes his hair out of his face gently, not wanting to wake him up just yet. "It's going to be a quiet night."</p>
<p>Kym nods in understanding, pulling on her jacket. "I'm going to go help with dinner. She should sleep throughout the night but if she wakes up I'll come back."</p>
<p>"Alright. There's another girl, her sister, and her arm has a bad cut. She's being searched right now with their father but afterward, I'll bring her to you. Might need stitches," Hope says, and smiles gently as Pedro's eyes begin to flutter open.</p>
<p>Kym hesitates before she leaves, confused at how willing Hope is to use their limited supplies on these strangers. It's not common for her to show that kind of compassion for outsiders, especially after what happened. She leaves, knowing that it wouldn't be her place to question.</p>
<p>"Good morning," Hope murmurs as Pedro sits up.</p>
<p>His eyes light up a little. "It's morning?"</p>
<p>Hope laughs gently and shakes her head. "Sorry, bad phrasing. It's almost dinner time."</p>
<p>"Oh okay," Pedro replies happily, the energy seeming to surge back through him. "Can I help with cooking?"</p>
<p>Hope feels bad saying no but shakes her head anyway. "Not tonight. I'll bring your food to you, alright?" she says, not wanting to risk him seeing the herd outside. He has enough nightmares as is.</p>
<p>Pedro is visibly upset but still nods, his attention turning to the brunette next to him. "Is she okay?"</p>
<p>"She just needs some rest," Hope replies, standing up and ruffling the boy's dark hair. "Stay here, I'll be right back."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I literally told you everything, what else could you possibly need to know?" Lizzie mutters, leaning her head back against the wall.</p>
<p>"Just a few more. Have you ever been bit by a walker?" Sebastian asks, and Lizzie can't help but scoff.</p>
<p>"Obviously not. Can I have some food now? I'm starving."</p>
<p>"We haven't eaten in days," Alaric adds, clearly exhausted as his eyes are beginning to flutter shut.</p>
<p>Sebastian nods, standing up suddenly. "I'll go get you some, along with pillows and blankets."</p>
<p>Lizzie immediately jerks up. "Wait, we're sleeping <em>here</em>? We're right next to the gate!" she shouts frustratedly, right as Hope walks down the ramp.</p>
<p>"Exactly, which means you need to be extra quiet," Hope says firmly, nodding at Sebastian to go get them the supplies.</p>
<p>"You can't leave us down here, there's like five floors!" Lizzie continues, her father not having the energy to join in.</p>
<p>Hope feels anger surge through her, seriously regretting letting these people into her camp. "Keep it down."</p>
<p>"If biters break through that gate, we won't have a chance to-"</p>
<p>"The more you talk, the better chances they'll get in! So I suggest you shut up and accept the situation you're in, because the reality is, it's this or out there. Got it?" Hope says, trying to force her anger back down. It's never a good sign when her hand is reaching down for her knife.</p>
<p>Lizzie grunts and slides back down the wall to sit. "Whatever."</p>
<p>Hope rolls her eyes and turns around right as Sebastian comes back with their blankets and food. "Watch her, she's really getting on my nerves," she mutters and Sebastian can't help but smile.</p>
<p>As soon as Hope disappears up the ramp, Sebastian sets down the food. "So I see you've already made a good impression on her, huh?" he jokes.</p>
<p>Lizzie narrows her eyes and kicks him softly. "She's such a bitch."</p>
<p>"She's not," Sebastian replies, sitting down next to her. "I know she seems... rough, but it's just because she's cautious. She’s really protective of everyone here and it’s not often that she lets new people in.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, it’s only for tonight. She’s healing Josie’s leg and then we’re out of here.”</p>
<p>“When I first got here, she told me it was temporary, too,” Sebastian says softly, and Lizzie turns to face him.“She tends to warm up to people once she sees they’re not a threat. So just... get on her good side and maybe you can stick around.”</p>
<p>“What makes you think I want to?” she says quietly, and Sebastian smiles. “<em>I</em> want you to. Sleep well, Elizabeth.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope’s eyes are burning as she walks back to the infirmary, a bowl of soup in hand. She sighs when she opens the curtain. Pedro is passed out again, sheets already tangled at his feet.</p>
<p>She sets down the bowl and pulls the blankets back up to cover his body, and runs a gentle hand through his hair.</p>
<p>Hope steps back and settles into the chair between the two cots, wanting to be alert in case Josie wakes up. It’s dangerous enough to have strangers in their camp, let alone one five feet away from Pedro.</p>
<p>She tells herself to stay awake and keep watch, but it doesn’t last long as the adrenaline leaves her body.</p>
<p>Her eyes flutter shut and for the first time in three days, she sleeps.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay first hosie interaction with them both awake lol! i’m trying to let stuff build a bit but next chapter is going to have a not so fun scene between them but i’m really excited to post it. hope you guys like this one, next chapter will be up sometime tomorrow! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"You okay?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The girl turns back to Hope, an unfamiliar glint in her eyes. She forces a smile. "Yeah. Just going to get a glass of water."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope nods and rests her head back down on her pillow. "Be quick," she murmurs before shutting her eyes and snuggling deeper into the covers.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope's been sleeping well, which is weird. It's the apocalypse, the world has gone to absolute shit, and she's in charge of eight other survivors.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Even before everything changed she had trouble sleeping. But not now. Because now she has a body next to her. A warm, safe body. And it's ridiculous how comforting it is.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope smiles as she breathes in, the scent of her lover laced into the sheets.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She's certain that she's never been this at peace.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She's taking a while to get back, but Hope tries not to think too much about it since it's probably only been a minute or two.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She holds onto the blanket tighter as more time passes by, but she refuses to open her eyes. It hasn't been that long. Her mother always told her she tended to overthink.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It hasn't been that long.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope repeats those words in her head and pushes away her growing fear.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It hasn't been that long. It hasn't been that long. It hasn't-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>A scream pierces the air.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Hope feels it. Feels the pain, feels the agony, feels the death that follows the scream.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And she knows, before she even makes it to the ramp, that the peace she felt just moments before would be impossible to reach again.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope jolts awake, her eyes opening and erasing the gruesome images of that night from her mind.</p>
<p>She raises her hands to her face and sighs, wiping away the tears that formed in her sleep. She knows she'll have to relive that night every time she closes her eyes.</p>
<p>Just the thought of it makes her never want to go to sleep again.</p>
<p><em>There'll never be peace. Not anymore</em>.</p>
<p>She opens her eyes and scans the dark room, just being able to make out the two figures in the cots.</p>
<p>Hope stands up and walks over to the edge of Pedro's cot. He's always been a light breather, which doesn't help when he's in such a bad condition and it's hard to tell if he's breathing at all.</p>
<p>She takes a deep breath and braces herself for the worst as she reaches down and presses her fingers gently to his neck.</p>
<p>And she waits.</p>
<p>A second later, she feels the low pulsing against her fingertips and lets out a quiet sigh of relief. She does this nearly four times a night, and each time she expects to feel nothing.</p>
<p><em>Nothing but a cold body</em>.</p>
<p><em>He's okay</em>, she tells herself and glances over at the brunette.</p>
<p>Hope hesitantly walks over to her cot and watches her features for any sign of breathing, but it's too dark to tell.</p>
<p>"Routine pulse checks?" Maya asks as she peers into the infirmary.</p>
<p>Hope steps away from Josie's cot and turns to face her friend. "We used our last sedative on her. It'd be a shame if it went to waste," she murmurs, not knowing if she believes what she's saying but not willing to think about why else she would care.</p>
<p>Maya nods and takes a seat in the chair between the cots. "The herd is slowly dismantling. Hopefully, they'll be completely gone by the time Jed and Kaleb get back."</p>
<p>Hope doesn't respond, just reaches into her pocket and holds tightly onto the item that she should’ve gotten rid of a while ago.</p>
<p>Maya notices, she always does. She can feel the remorse. The regret. "It's good that you brought them here," she says, knowing it's not much, but hoping that it'll help settle the uncertainty.</p>
<p>Hope doesn't believe her, but she's grateful for the effort.</p>
<p>She'll never understand why these people follow her. She has no idea what she's doing. She makes mistakes, she made a huge one, and yet they still look to her for more.</p>
<p>Hope knows deep down that it'll eventually get them all killed.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>By the time the morning comes, everyone is already fully aware of the newcomers.</p>
<p>Lizzie and Alaric are released from their zip ties and are allowed to roam throughout the floors with supervision.</p>
<p>They immediately go to the infirmary, where Hope is helping Pedro get out of bed. The second she sees the two of them, she instantly tenses and rests a hand on the young boy's shoulder. "Go ahead and help with breakfast, I'll be right down," she tells him, and he races away, nearly bumping into them in his excitement.</p>
<p>"How old is he?" Alaric asks as he watches him run down the hall.</p>
<p>"Just turned seven last week," Hope responds, before motioning for them to come in. "Kym can sew up your arm again. We don't have any more pain meds, so let's hope you can handle it without them.”</p>
<p>Lizzie rolls her eyes. "I can. Now, can you leave so we can have a moment alone with my sister?" she asks harshly, still pissed off about having to sleep right next to the gate.</p>
<p>"Lizzie," Alaric warns her firmly before turning to Hope. "Thank you for bringing us here. We wouldn't have made it much further, especially with Josie's leg. Can you help her?"</p>
<p>Hope shoots a glare at Lizzie before moving past the two. "We’ll try our best. She should wake up soon- you have five minutes before breakfast is served. If you're not down there, you don't get any."</p>
<p>"I told you she's a bitch," Lizzie mumbles once the other girl is out of sight.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Is she awake yet?" Kym asks as Hope joins her, Maya, and Ethan at the ramp.</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head. "Her dad and sister are up there with her. How's the herd situation?"</p>
<p>"Only a couple left," Maya answers, motioning to Ethan to pass her knife back. She uses the sharp end to stick into the piece of rabbit meat and brings it up to her mouth.</p>
<p>When he waves his hand to use it again, she shoves him away. "It's not <em>my</em> fault you dropped your knife over the ledge."</p>
<p>"Yes, it is! You startled me and I lost my grip on it. I think it's only fair that you go get it for me," Ethan shoots back.</p>
<p>"It's <em>your</em> knife, you go get it!"</p>
<p>Hope and Kym laugh quietly to themselves as they eat, the fights between the twins being good entertainment since they didn't get to have their bonfire last night.</p>
<p>"Just wait until Jed and Kaleb come back and yell at them to grab it on their way in, dummies," Kym says.</p>
<p>"Yeah, but-" Ethan abruptly stops, his chewing slowing as he looks up. "Hi."</p>
<p>It takes a moment for Hope to register what Ethan's looking at, but as soon as she sees the three newcomers standing in front of them, she pushes herself up to her feet. Her eyes immediately go to the brunette, who's standing in between her father and sister to keep the weight off her leg. The light in her eyes is so different from before- there's still pain, but in front of it is a thick layer of solace. "Take a seat. I'll get you guys some food," she says, moving past them.</p>
<p>Maybe she should've introduced herself to Josie, but Hope's feeling too much pressure right now. She shouldn't have even let them in.</p>
<p>Lizzie helps her sister sit down as Alaric introduces them to Maya and Kym.</p>
<p>"How's your leg feeling?" Kym asks and Josie forces a smile.</p>
<p>"A lot better, thank you." She looks to where the auburn-haired girl is getting their food, a little boy standing next to her. "That's Hope?"</p>
<p>"Yeah, she's awful. Literally made us sleep on the first floor, right next to the biters," Lizzie grunts, and Ethan can't help but smile.</p>
<p>"Yeah, sorry about that. It's policy."</p>
<p>Sebastian takes a seat next to them, laughing gently. "I told her that last night, and I believe your exact words were..." he trails off, smirking at Lizzie.</p>
<p>"Fuck your policy," the blonde finishes for him, smiling back before turning away. "I still stand by that statement."</p>
<p>"Can you at least try to be nice?" Josie whispers to her sister, nudging her gently as Hope comes back with their food. "Thank you," she says as she accepts the plate, attempting to make eye contact with her. It goes unnoticed as Hope takes a seat furthest away from them.</p>
<p>Josie watches her carefully, trying to imagine this being the person who saved them and carried her to safety last night.</p>
<p>The little boy runs over to them and flops down in front of Hope.</p>
<p>Josie smiles and catches his eye. "Hi, I'm Josie."</p>
<p>The boy giggles and scoots over to her, moving out of Hope's grasp when she tries to stop him. "My name's Pedro. If you're sleeping in my room we should make bunkbeds!" he says excitedly, before turning back to Hope. “Can we?"</p>
<p>Hope doesn't know how to answer so she's thankful when Pedro's attention shifts in the next second.</p>
<p>"I can hunt, you know. One time I caught a squirrel, but I wasn't allowed to keep it as a pet," he says sadly, but then his face lights up again. “Hope says it might start snowing soon, so we'll be able to go snow sliding!"</p>
<p>"Sledding," Maya corrects, ruffling his hair softly.</p>
<p>Josie laughs and leans forward. "I love sledding. Have you ever been?"</p>
<p>"No, I lived in Florida, we never had any of the fun weather," Pedro grumbles.</p>
<p>Sebastian taps Lizzie on the shoulder. "So, how'd you sleep last night?" he asks and Lizzie rolls her eyes.</p>
<p>"Don't even start, Romeo. I'm not interested," she says plainly before turning back to the rest of the group.</p>
<p>Sebastian smiles and shakes his head, standing up. "I'm going to go up to the roof and keep a lookout for Jed and Kaleb."</p>
<p>"I'll come, too, I wanna get eyes on where my knife fell," Ethan says as he stands up as well, and they both disappear up the ramp.</p>
<p>Josie and Pedro are still giggling together and Hope is watching every movement the girl makes. She won't let her guard down, no matter how nice these outsiders seem.</p>
<p>It's been a while since Pedro's met someone new, so she expected this. She just hopes he doesn't get too attached.</p>
<p>Still, it’s nice to see Pedro so excited. It’s been rare for him to have this much energy.</p>
<p>“Hope! They’re back!”</p>
<p>Hope jumps up immediately and sprints up the ramp to the roof, Maya following after her. She runs to the ledge and her anxiety is building quickly as she searches the ground for the two boys.</p>
<p>When she spots them, her stomach drops. Jed is practically dragging Kaleb to the gate, blood staining the concrete as they move.</p>
<p>“Ethan, go open the gate and get Kym down there, now!” she shouts and motions for Maya to stay as she and Sebastian run down the ramp.</p>
<p>The gate is already open when Hope makes it down there and she sees Ethan and Jed trying to lift Kaleb.</p>
<p>“Set him down, I need to put pressure on the wound!” Kym says, running towards them. “What happened?”</p>
<p>Ethan rips off his jacket and hands it to Kym to make a bandage.</p>
<p>Jed’s eyes are tearing up as he backs away from his bloodied friend. “I dropped the bag and he... I told him to just leave it, I told him to just-“</p>
<p>Hope rushes forward and grabs the shaking boy by his collar. “Jed, what happened?” she asks urgently, trying to push away her fear. She can’t be afraid. She needs to take control of the situation. “Jed, I need to know!” she shouts.</p>
<p>“Shit,” Kym curses as she lifts Kaleb's shirt to reveal a dark wound on his abdomen.</p>
<p>Jed’s shaking lips manage to say the words that no one can bear to hear. “He was bitten.”</p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>so sorry for the late update, work has been hella stressful lol. oh and just for future reference, i usually write like between 12-4am so when i say “tonight” i actually mean like early morning lol. anyway next chapter is going to be out tomorrow, i promise. hope you enjoy! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The reality is setting in, and Hope is struggling to breathe.</p>
<p>Their group can't lose any more people. There's been too much death. Too much tragedy.</p>
<p>Hope turns back to Kym, who's now sobbing as she tries to press the torn jacket to the bite on her brother.</p>
<p>It's not like the bite's on his leg or arm, so they can't just cut off the limb to prevent the infection from spreading.</p>
<p>Kaleb's not going to make it, and Hope can feel that everyone around her has come to that same conclusion.</p>
<p>She forces back her tears and regains her composure.</p>
<p>She needs to do her job.</p>
<p>"Ethan, help get him to the infirmary," Hope orders before turning to Maya. "Take Pedro back to-" she stops suddenly when she doesn't see the young boy at her side anymore. She whirls around, looking for his dark curls, but all she sees are worried faces looking back at her. "Fuck, where is he?" she yells, rushing towards the gate and shoving it open in a panic.</p>
<p>As soon as the door swings open, two figures rush inside. Hope immediately recognizes the first as Pedro, and her brain acts on autopilot as she spins back around to shove the second person into the wall, not caring who it is.</p>
<p>Josie gasps as her back hits the wall and she feels the sharp metal pressing into her neck.</p>
<p>Hope doesn't release her when she recognizes her, just grips the knife tighter. "Why were you outside?" she asks harshly, her anger pulsing through her.It's an overreaction, she knows it is, but she's too overwhelmed to care. Kaleb is infected and she forgot about Pedro. Again. And he was out there with a complete stranger instead of her.</p>
<p>"He ran out to grab some knife and I just-"</p>
<p>Hope doesn't know how Josie's explanation angers her more, but it does. "Stay away from him. You don't fucking touch him, do you understand?"</p>
<p>"Get the fuck off my sister!" Lizzie screams as she runs forward, quickly being held back by Sebastian.</p>
<p>"Do you understand?" Hope repeats, her voice losing her edge as she stares into the deep brown eyes, filled with fear and a hint of something else that she can't put her finger on.</p>
<p>"Yes," Josie manages to get out, and the second she's released from the strong grip, she gasps and clutches her neck. There's a trickle of blood running down her collarbone from the shallow cut the blade caused.</p>
<p>Sebastian releases the screaming blonde from his grasp and she runs forward to check on her sister as Hope kneels down in front of Pedro.</p>
<p>His eyes are glistening with tears and guilt immediately rushes through her. "I'm sorry. I'm not letting you out of my sight again, okay? I promise," she whispers, her voice breaking at the realization that she's made this same promise before.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope fiddles with the locket in her hands as she tries to shove away the cold memories that used to feel so warm.</p>
<p>It's her fault. And what happened to Kaleb is her fault.</p>
<p>She shuts her eyes, trying to block out Kym's crying.</p>
<p>It's too much. It's all too much and it's all Hope's fault.</p>
<p>"Not now, Maya," she whispers as she hears someone sit next to her. She assumes it's Maya because no one else would want to be around her when she's in this state. No one wants to see their fearless leader so fragile.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry."</p>
<p>Hope's stomach drops when she recognizes the voice as the brunette, who she had a knife pressed to just hours before. Her jaw clenches and she opens her eyes, not daring to look at her. She won't let her see her cry. "You shouldn't be wandering around."</p>
<p>Josie bites her lip, starting to feel like this might be a bad idea. But it's the least she can do. "I know, I just... I wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have gone outside, I just-"</p>
<p>"You endangered my group," Hope says harshly, not wanting to hear the rest of her apology."I brought you into my camp and so far all your group has done is cause trouble."</p>
<p>Josie wants to disagree, because other than Lizzie talking out of her ass, she feels they've been pretty compliant. But she came here to apologize, not argue. "It's not our intention to make things difficult. I just went to go get him. I would never hurt anyone, especially not a child, that's just not-"</p>
<p>Hope suddenly pushes herself to her feet with a scoff."I don't <em>know</em> you. I don't know who the fuck you are, and I don't want to. This is temporary, just to give your leg time to heal. Until then, you don't leave the infirmary. You don't speak to my people. And you don't do as much as <em>look</em> at Pedro."</p>
<p><em>Definitely a bad idea</em>, Josie thinks, but can only bring herself to nod. She doesn't know why she felt the need to come down here. And she doesn't know why despite how harsh the leader has been to her and her family, she still wants to keep trying.</p>
<p>She saved them. Good people still exist and Josie's determined to prove that Hope is one of them.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Should I even bother trying to get you to go rest?" Maya asks as Hope joins her on the roof.</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head and takes in a deep breath. "I need your opinion."</p>
<p>Maya's used to hearing this, knowing Hope that sometimes she gets overwhelmed by the pressure of making all the decisions.</p>
<p>"I want to go get the medical bag that Kaleb went back for. According to Jed, it's just a mile north."</p>
<p>Maya nods in agreement. "We need the supplies, it makes sense."</p>
<p>Hope sighs and shakes her head. "It makes sense if that's why I want it. But it's not."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" Maya asks, neither of them taking notice as Ethan approaches them.</p>
<p>"If Kaleb..." Hope hesitates because it's stupid to say if. There's no other way for this to end. "I just want it to be for something. I won't let us lose someone else for <em>nothing</em>. He risked his life for that bag, so we're going to get it. For him."</p>
<p>"I'll go," Ethan suddenly speaks up and Hope turns to him.</p>
<p>His eyes are red, and it's clear that he's been crying. In his hand, he's holding his knife.</p>
<p>The one that Pedro ran outside to get.</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head, not wanting him to feel guilty. "I should've been watching him. Just don't drop it again," she says, with a hint of a smile to lighten the mood.</p>
<p>Ethan nods shakily and Maya hugs him.</p>
<p>Hope looks away, her emotions starting to build again. "I'll send someone tomorrow. Get some rest," she says quickly before leaving the roof and heading down to her blocked-off section.</p>
<p>Her hand is tightly clenched around the chain of the locket, and she feels the tears fall down her cheeks. Usually, she brushes them away immediately, but this time, she lets them drop wherever they please.</p>
<p>Memories of <em>her</em> are returning and she wants nothing more than to forget everything about it. About that night. About everything before and everything after.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p><em>"You don't have to do this," Hope murmurs, feeling a blush come to her cheeks as the girl across from her gently dabs a towel on her bleeding forehead</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>The brunette's eyes are watering and it's clear that she blames herself. "It's my fault, I got distracted and-"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope reaches her hand up to stop her. “It's not. Protecting me isn't your responsibility."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The girl meets Hope's eyes and shakes her head. "It is," she whispers before leaning forward and pressing her lips to the auburn-haired girl's.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope hasn't been kissed in well over a year and for a moment she doesn't know how to react. The mouth against her is warm and comforting and she can't imagine ever wanting to pull away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's odd, how happy she feels. She shouldn't, the world is too fucked up to be happy about something so small. But for the first time in a while, even before the apocalypse, she feels genuine hope.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Maybe not everything has to change. Nothing is how it was before, but at the same time, it is. Hope knows, without a doubt, that she can live contently in this fucked up world with the girl across from her and Pedro by her side.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What else could she ever need?</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I literally told you," Lizzie exclaims as she sits at the end of her sister's cot.</p>
<p>Josie sighs, having just told her about her conversation with Hope. "She saved us, Lizzie. The least we can do is show some gratitude."</p>
<p>Lizzie lets out a laugh. "She held a knife to your neck, Jo."</p>
<p>"She's protective of her camp. We would be to," Josie replies, not quite sure why she feels the need to be this defensive.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> “</span>We won't be here long, so we might as well make the best of it."</p>
<p>The blonde rolls her eyes and lays down next to her sister. "Sometimes I wonder how we're related," she murmurs, slowly drifting off to sleep.</p>
<p>Josie smiles and wraps her arm around her. “Ditto."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this weekend is gonna be super busy so i’m going to spend tonight getting a few chapters written and i’ll post them as soon as i can! hope you enjoy! &lt;3 also pls comment if you have any suggestions/ things you want to see in this fic bc i’m honestly open to everything, and i’ll try to fit it in if i can :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"You know what's weird?" the girl asks Hope as she wraps her arms around her neck, swaying gently as the rest of the group is huddled around the warm bonfire.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's late August, the tree leaves turning a gentle brown as the days go by.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope squeezes her hand softly. "What?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I think this might be the happiest I've ever been."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Ever?" Hope asks, a smile forming on her lips as she leans closer.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Pedro suddenly crashes through, causing them both to stumble back. “Sorry!" he yells back at them, giggling as he runs down the ramp.</em>
</p>
<p><em>"This isn't fair, I don't have the stamina for this!" Maya complains as she rushes after him, earning a laugh from the two</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Hey, lovebirds! If you want a drink you better come over here 'cause Kaleb is about to chug the rest!" Ethan shouts to them.</em>
</p>
<p><em>The girl giggles and runs over to the bonfire, snatching the bottle before Kaleb</em> <em>can finish it. She meets Hope's eyes and motions her over.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>Hope smiles and joins her, a confused look coming across her face when she's handed the bottle. "I don't drink," she murmurs, even though she's already reaching for it. Her lover's eyes always have a way of luring her in.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"It's the apocalypse, baby," the girl whispers, and Hope laughs gently and nods.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She brings the bottle up to her lips and lets the liquor fall down her throat, ignoring the familiar smell that reminds her of home. She finishes the bottle off as Ethan and Kaleb drunkenly cheer her on, her lover's lips on hers the second the bottle is dropped.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>As Hope kisses her, there's only one thought in her mind.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And as soon as they break away, she says it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I love you."</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Kaleb's fever is worsening, his body hot to the touch and his skin fading to grey.</p>
<p>Kym doesn't leave his side.</p>
<p>Jed spends the night wandering around the garage, he and Hope passing each other frequently throughout the night. Neither of them makes a comment, just meet each other's eyes and pass by- because it's understood.</p>
<p>Neither of them is ready to face what awaits them when they’re alone with their thoughts. in. When they're not keeping busy, when everything's still- that's when it all rushes in.</p>
<p>Hope feels almost... relieved. She shouldn't. But she does.</p>
<p>It's nice to not be the only one.</p>
<p>Jed's also in pure misery. Sitting in a state of guilt that can't be overcome.</p>
<p>They're both suffering because they both feel they've caused suffering. Whether they actually did or not is irrelevant.</p>
<p>Hope wants to stop by the infirmary to check on Pedro, but then she'll be faced with reality. She'll have to approach Kym, sobbing at her brother's side. And the brunette. Josie.</p>
<p><em>Josie</em>. The bullet's still in her leg and they need to get it out. Soon. The infection will spread.</p>
<p>And Kaleb's infection will spread.</p>
<p>Hope forces herself to focus on Kaleb. She can't worry about an outsider.</p>
<p>She won't go into the infirmary. She won't do a pulse check. If everyone in there is dead, she won't be able to handle it. Not tonight. If they're all dead, she'll face it in the morning.</p>
<p>It's selfish, it's <em>so</em> selfish, but Hope is selfish. She's selfish and weak and naive.</p>
<p>And her anger is building.</p>
<p>Kaleb is dying. Pedro is dying. Josie is dying and <em>she's</em> dying and they're all dying and it's Hope's fault.</p>
<p>And she just wants to go back. She wants to go back to when she felt so at peace. And she wants to end it because it was all a lie.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"If you became I biter I would let you bite me."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope can't help but laugh, shaking her head as the other girl giggles above her. "That's so weird."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The girl tilts her head to the side and smiles. "Is it?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Yes," Hope laughs out, interlacing their hands together. Her smile slowly fades and she doesn't want to ruin the moment, but her mind has a way of forcing her to anyway. "If that ever happens... you have to end it. You know that."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The brunette stays quiet for a moment, before shaking her head. "I could never."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope sighs and sits up in the bed, meeting her eyes. "I'm serious," she insists, her anxiety growing as her lover just smiles sadly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"So am I. I could never hurt you."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't say that," Hope murmurs, looking away as a realization hits her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>If the roles were reversed, she wouldn't be able to either.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And that's terrifying.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Soft hands on her own bring her back to reality. "I won't let it get to the point where we'll even have to decide," the brunette adds, knowing this will provide Hope some comfort.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And it's a lie because things will have to come to an end soon.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But she loves Hope, she really does. And she'll let them live in ignorant bliss for as long as they can.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Josie's leg is on fire, and it's spreading quickly. She tries to keep her breathing normal, tries to keep still so she doesn't wake up Lizzie. She doesn't want to ask Hope when they'll be doing the surgery, it's selfish with everything going on. She can't expect them to help her when members of their group are in worse condition.</p>
<p>She bites her lip when another surge of pain rushes up her leg, and she wonders if removing the bullet would even help at this point. She can feel it under her skin, but it no longer feels like a foreign object. It feels as if it's mended into her, and pulling it out would just make it all worse.</p>
<p>Josie looks over at the older boy who's sharing a cot with Pedro. He's in pain, and so is everyone in their group, and she can <em>feel</em> it. She's experienced the death, the guilt, the grief.She's always considered empathy a strength of hers, always took pride in being able to help others just by being able to understand. But now she wishes she didn't. It's like experiencing the loss all over again.</p>
<p>"How bad is it?" Kym suddenly speaks up and Josie turns to where she's laying next to her brother.</p>
<p>She shakes her head and fakes a smile. "It's okay. Pretty much numb to it at this point."</p>
<p>Kym nods, though it's clear that she doesn't believe her. "We won't let it get worse, I promise. There's just..." Kym hesitates, looking down at her brother. "A lot going on."</p>
<p>"I'm so sorry," Josie says quietly, memories of losing her mother to the same thing rushing back. There's nothing worse than watching a loved one turn.</p>
<p>"Things have been good lately. At least for this past month. We expected something to go wrong eventually."</p>
<p>Josie nods, and she wishes this weren't so true. Any time there's a sense of peace, it's really just a warning that something bad is bound to happen soon. "What happened a month ago?" she asks and immediately notices the effect the question has on Kym. The other girl looks visibly distraught, and Josie knows without a doubt that it's about Pedro.</p>
<p>He always has a bandage on the side of his neck, and Kym and Hope do pulse checks on him frequently during the night. Josie feels nauseous just thinking about what could have happened to him.</p>
<p>Kym shakes her head and looks at the sleeping boy. "There was an incident. And... no one expected it."</p>
<p>Josie finds this hard to believe since she’s seen how prepared Hope seems for just about everything."A walker?" she questions, knowing she should probably stop asking, but her curiosity is taking control.</p>
<p>"You'd think," Kym says with a sigh, before laying her head back down on the cot. "You'd think the dead coming back to life would be the most dangerous thing. Turns out the living do just as much damage. If not more."</p>
<p>Josie can't imagine someone hurting a child, even during times like this. Especially a kid like Pedro.</p>
<p>And suddenly, she's starting to understand the situation she and her family are in.</p>
<p>Hope doesn’t trust them, and she’s very protective of her group- rightfully so. But... why did she help them?</p>
<p>Josie’s starting to fear that there might be ulterior motives in the leader’s mind.</p>
<p>Maybe they would've been safer if they weren't brought here.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, everyone's quiet. Breakfast goes by fast, no one wanting to have lighthearted conversations.</p>
<p>Sebastian pulls Lizzie away and leads her up to the roof to show her how the crops are diminishing as the air grows colder. She helps him pull out the roots of the wilted vegetables, and rolls her eyes when she sees Hope watching them from the ledge. "I'm not going to strangle him with vines, you can relax."</p>
<p>Hope clenches her first and forces herself to head back into the garage, knowing that she can't let her anger get the best of her. Not today.</p>
<p>Kaleb's getting worse, and Kym predicts tonight will be the end.</p>
<p>And despite how Josie seems to be trying to hide it, Hope notices how much pain she's in. They'll have to get that bullet out today before the infection spreads further. It'll be a mess, and everything's happening all at once.</p>
<p>“Hope!” Pedro suddenly runs up to her as she comes down the ramp, and she forces a smile. “We should have a campfire today!”</p>
<p>Hope sighs and kneels down to his level.“I don’t know if we can,” she says softly, looking past him to the infirmary.</p>
<p>Pedro pulls a pout. “Please? Everyone’s so sad.”</p>
<p>“It might be nice,” Kym says as she joins the two, her eyes red from crying. “Kaleb’s a big partier. Might help him before...” she trails off, her eyes beginning to swell again.</p>
<p>“Okay,” Hope agrees, ruffling Pedro’s hair before standing up. “Go let everyone know.”</p>
<p>It’s the least she can do. They’ll get the bullet out of Josie’s leg and make things comfortable for Kaleb. They’ll have their monthly party- celebrate life and ignore the death surrounding them.</p>
<p>Like they always do.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay this is a hella long chapter ALSO not me forgetting to add alaric LOL. like he deadass is not even in here, i should probably like... add him somewhere lol like ig he’s just chilling with everything. i hate him sm so it’s hard to even think ab him. anywho some more hosieeee interaction, hope you like it! (ps i luv ur comments &lt;3)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Despite Jed's protests, Hope ultimately decides that she'll get the medical bag- alone. She doesn't want him outside of camp, not yet. The guilt is weighing heavy on him, and she knows how much that can affect decision-making.</p>
<p>She's gone within the hour, leaving Maya in charge of planning the bonfire.</p>
<p>And Kym is prepping Josie. Because the second Hope is back with the supplies, they'll start the surgery.</p>
<p>"I don't want to waste any more supplies," Josie says as the other girl unwraps her bandage to inspect the wound.</p>
<p>"It's okay, really. I know Hope seems rash but when she makes a promise, she sticks to it. So we're going to help you," Kym says, flashing her a smile before reaching for a damp towel.</p>
<p>Josie can tell that it's helping keep Kym's mind off Kaleb, so she doesn't protest further. Instead, she lets her mind wander to other things. Like Pedro. "The incident, was it... was it really bad?" she asks, and Kym sighs.</p>
<p>"I'm not supposed to talk about it. None of us are," Kym replies softly, dabbing the towel on Josie's leg to clean up the dried blood.</p>
<p>Josie nods and sees the hesitation on the other girl's features."I appreciate you helping me. Whether or not you're just following orders."</p>
<p>"It's nothing. I'm just sorry that this is all so temporary. Normally it wouldn't be. I mean, Hope has told each of us the whole temporary talk when we first got here."</p>
<p>A small amount of hope rises in Josie's chest and she sits up a little. "So, it's just a matter of building trust?"</p>
<p>Kym stays silent as she finishes cleaning up Josie's leg. She takes a deep breath in before finally looking up to meet her eyes. "It used to be. We haven't let anyone in since the incident. Hope's been very clear about never helping an outsider again... Which is why we were all pretty surprised when she came back with you and your family."</p>
<p>"Yeah," Josie murmurs, her hope deflating as she lets this sink in.</p>
<p>There's a moment of silence, neither of them knowing quite what to say.</p>
<p>"It was really bad," Kym says suddenly, her voice quiet. "Really, really bad. And Hope... she's good, I promise. I know you haven't seen that for yourself but... after what happened, she doesn't let her emotions control her decisions anymore. The worst part wasn't even the incident, honestly. It's what happened after."</p>
<p>Josie's eyes narrow and she opens her mouth to question her, but Lizzie bursts in before she can.</p>
<p>"Okay, I know this is like totally crazy, but Sebastian is so-" the blonde stops midway through her sentence when she sees Kym. "Oh, sorry."</p>
<p>Kym laughs and shakes her head. "Sebastian's a bit of a player, be careful," she warns, before leaving the infirmary.</p>
<p>Josie gives her sister a look. “Lizzie, please tell me you didn't sleep with him."</p>
<p>Lizzie scoffs and sits down next to her. "Of course not. But he's so cute, Jo. I might have to play nice with Hope, as much as it kills me."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" Josie asks, trying to imagine her sister <em>playing nice</em>.</p>
<p>"Sebastian says that Hope told him it was only temporary when he first got here, too. He thinks that it's a good possibility that we'll get to stay if we get on her good side," Lizzie explains, as she casually opens a pudding cup and uses the lid as a spoon. "As much as I hate the idea of her telling me what to do, apparently she's pretty chill. I'll believe it when I see it, though."</p>
<p>Josie contemplates telling her sister about what she's learned about Pedro and everything that Kym told her. She assumes that whatever trust Hope had before when she was letting people in is long gone."Don't get your hopes up, we don't know if she'll change her mind about us," she says, deciding not to give away too much information.</p>
<p>Lizzie stops eating and gives her a confused look. "Jo, you were literally defending her and telling me to play nice like a day ago. And now I'm agreeing with you and-"</p>
<p>"I wasn't defending her," Josie interrupts. "I just... wanted to understand the system here. And now I do, and I seriously doubt that we'll be here much longer."</p>
<p>"Whatever," Lizzie dismisses her and continues eating as Josie sighs, her hands fumbling with the new bandage.</p>
<p>She wants this bullet out of her, of course- but she's also terrified.</p>
<p>
  <em>Then what?</em>
</p>
<p>Where will they go? Her father is slowly losing his mind, and he's never been a great father figure in their life. And Lizzie is a fighter, only sometimes a little <em>too</em> much. And Josie? She's in denial that they're living in the apocalypse. She's still trying to find things that remind her of home, trying to bring back the little pieces of humanity.</p>
<p>And she knows, deep down, that it's pointless.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The trip north is short and Hope only runs into a few walkers along the way. Despite this, she stays wandering around the abandoned city, almost wishing a herd will appear.</p>
<p>Her anger has been getting worse, and stabbing dead people has proven to be pretty therapeutic.</p>
<p>The medical bag is slung over her shoulder and she tries to ignore how light it feels. She can't think about that. She can't think about how Kaleb is dying back at camp for <em>this</em>.</p>
<p>
  <em>He should've left it.</em>
</p>
<p>It's not long before Hope comes across the very street that she found the outsiders.</p>
<p>The car that Josie's body was leaning against is still there, all the windows shattered and a spot on the ground stained with her blood.</p>
<p>"Fuck," she mutters her anger building again.</p>
<p>Why did she bring them into her camp? What the fuck was she thinking?</p>
<p>She endangered her group. <em>Again</em>.</p>
<p>She did it again.</p>
<p>And now Kaleb is dying. She knows it's unrelated, but it feels like karma. She had a moment's weakness, and now she's paying for it.</p>
<p>They all are.</p>
<p>Her fists clench at her side as she stares at the blood.</p>
<p>She should've left her.</p>
<p>Hope's watched plenty of people die. She's killed too many to count, innocent people. And she should've, at the very least, just turned around and left Josie and her family here.</p>
<p>It wouldn't weigh on her conscience. She wouldn't care. She doesn't owe them anything, she only owes her group the promise she made to them.</p>
<p>Hope suddenly surges forward and slams into the car, her hands immediately pressing into the broken glass as she pushes against it.</p>
<p>She doesn't want to see the blood anymore.</p>
<p>Except, now her hands are bleeding- but she keeps pushing, the car only sliding an inch, the metal screeching across the pavement.</p>
<p>She pulls back and curses before slamming her fist into the already totaled car. She keeps punching it, keeps pushing and kicking and using all her strength to-</p>
<p>To what?</p>
<p>She doesn't even know what she's trying to do anymore.</p>
<p>She's just doing it.</p>
<p>Her hands are throbbing but she ignores the pain.</p>
<p>And she imagines that the car is everything and everyone she's ever come in contact with.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Jed opens the gate when Hope returns, and when he sees her condition, he stays silent.</p>
<p>She brings the medical bag up to the infirmary and hands it over to Kym without a word.</p>
<p>Kym sees the blood dripping from the leader's hands and motions to the cot for her to sit.</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head. "I'm fine. Get the bullet out," she murmurs, and when she looks up, Josie's looking at her. Hope quickly looks away, not liking what the brunette's eyes held. Concern, mostly. And that annoys her. She doesn't need fake concern and pity from some outsider. Especially not one who's literally about to go into surgery with no pain medication.</p>
<p>"Ready?" Kym asks as she empties the contents of the bag and begins dipping her knife into the boiling water to sterilize it.</p>
<p>Josie turns away and takes in a deep breath. "Let's do it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Sebastian puts another log into the fire, trying to keep it alive. Maya and Ethan are trying their best to distract Pedro from the distant screams.</p>
<p>Lizzie is in the infirmary with her sister, yelling obscenities to Kym every time Josie shrieks in pain. "Be fucking careful!"</p>
<p>"I <em>am</em>, there's no other way to do this!" Kym yells back, flinching as her fingers dig into the wound, trying to find the bullet. "Hold her down!"</p>
<p>"It's okay, Jo, we're almost done," Lizzie tells her sister, but Josie doesn't seem to even hear it.</p>
<p>Her leg is in flames, every inch of her body feeling as if she's being stabbed. She wishes she would just go numb from the pain, but she doesn't. She can feel Kym's nails under her skin, and the bullet is so close to her grasp.</p>
<p>She screams again when she feels the knife make another cut above the original wound.</p>
<p>"I'm sorry, I need a bigger opening, I can't find it," Kym apologizes and Lizzie scoffs at her.</p>
<p>"Well, hurry up!"</p>
<p>"I'm <em>trying</em>!"</p>
<p>Hope suddenly enters the infirmary and pushes Lizzie to the side.</p>
<p>"Hey, what the- don't fucking touch her!" Lizzie protests as Hope reaches her bloody hand to cover Josie's mouth. She meets the brunette's wide eyes and moves her other hand to the side of her neck.</p>
<p>"It won't hurt," she says softly before pressing into the nerve on her neck until Josie's eyes roll back and close.</p>
<p>"What did you do?" Lizzie screams, shoving Hope away to check on her sister.</p>
<p>Kym, still trying to find the bullet, nods her head. "That helps. She knocked her out, but it won't last long. She'll wake up again from the pain, so I need to-" she stops short and lets out a laugh. "I found it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope leaves the infirmary as Kym manages to get the bullet out and Josie's screaming returns- but they're quieter now, and it's clear that the worst is over.</p>
<p>She doesn't know why she did that. Maybe she just knew by instinct that it would help Kym if her patient wasn't squirming everywhere. Or maybe she just couldn't stand the screams coming from Josie.</p>
<p>It was just... too much. It physically hurt to hear, because it reminds Hope of the scream from <em>that</em> night.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't. Don't do that."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Do what?" Hope mutters as she walks towards the ramp, not wanting to have this discussion. She's not ready for it. She wants to go back to when everything was simple.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Push me away because you're scared of things getting too real," the brunette responds simply, her hand reaching out to catch her lover's wrist.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You can't do this. Not anymore. Not after everything."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope's body goes stiff under the touch, and she tries to keep herself from pulling away. Because it's not fair. Not after everything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Talk to me."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's a plead. A beg. And Hope wants nothing more than to turn around and comfort the girl she loves- the girl she's so helplessly in love with.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But she can't.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her walls are back up, and it's so hard to bring them down again. It takes so much energy to give up control. To fear something so much and accept it anyway. It's terrifying and it's exhausting, and Hope can't do it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The grip on Hope's wrist loosens.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her lover's faith is dwindling.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And she can't blame her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I'm going to sleep in my room tonight," the girl says, and then pauses- she's waiting for Hope to object. She's spent every night in her room since her first week here. She doesn't want to be anywhere else. But she needs to hear it from Hope that she doesn't want her anywhere else either.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope's tongue is bleeding, her teeth stained red from biting at it. The metallic taste is making her nauseous, and the thoughts running through her head are only making it worse.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She wills herself to turn around.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Turn around and fix this.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She's gathering the courage, shoving her thoughts away, swallowing the blood in her mouth-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I can't do this anymore."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The words register too late, and by the time Hope turns back to face her lover, the hallway's empty.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"First time I met Kaleb... he had a knife to my throat in seconds."</p>
<p>The group laughs through their grief, trying to ignore how grey their friend is getting.</p>
<p>They sit around the bonfire, each taking turns telling lighthearted stories about their friendships with him. And he's there, laughing along and smiling.</p>
<p>But he's withering away. His laugh grows quieter as the minutes pass, and with it, so does the energy of the group.</p>
<p>Ethan swallows thickly and raises the liquor bottle.</p>
<p>"I'm so fucking grateful for the apocalypse. Because I got to meet you," he says, his voice breaking. He sits down on the tree log and holds out the bottle to Kaleb.</p>
<p>But Kaleb doesn't have the energy to reach for it.</p>
<p>Jed watches as his best friend's smile begins to fade, and it's clear that his fever is numbing his nervous system.</p>
<p>It won't be long before it's over, and they all know it.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope's in the infirmary. She should be on the roof, celebrating and spending time with Kaleb in his last moments.</p>
<p>But she's not. She's in the infirmary, looking down at her hands, the blood now dry. Her knuckles ache and she has a bad feeling that she'll need stitches.</p>
<p>It doesn't resonate with her that she's alone with just Josie, who's sleeping off the pain from the surgery.</p>
<p>She isn't expected to wake up for another couple of hours, so Hope doesn't even think about it.</p>
<p>"Are you okay?"</p>
<p>The voice fills the room, and normally Hope would be instantly alert. But she just sits there, still staring at her hands. "Should be asking you that," Hope murmurs, before closing her eyes. She's so exhausted.</p>
<p>"The bullet's out so... can't really complain," Josie replies softly, surprised that Hope hasn't attempted to leave yet."Where is everyone?"</p>
<p>Hope's eyes open and she rubs at the deepest cut on her knuckle. "Bonfire on the roof. Celebrating before..." she trails off, not knowing quite how to finish the sentence. She sighs and finally looks up. "Your sister's up there, too. You can go if you want."</p>
<p>Josie meets her eyes and shrugs. "Kym said I shouldn't be walking around right away. Why aren't you with them?"</p>
<p>Hope looks down and returns her gaze to the dried blood on her fingertips. "I'm not really sure."</p>
<p>Silence fills the room and Hope takes this time to question why she's even talking to Josie. This is probably the first conversation they've had- she figures they shouldn't count the one about Pedro, seeing as how that included Hope holding a knife to the brunette's throat.</p>
<p>"I know I've said it before but... thank you," Josie suddenly says, shifting slightly in the cot. "For everything. And I understand that we can't stay."</p>
<p>Hope almost feels guilty that she'll be kicking them out as soon as she's recovered. But that was the plan. And she'll stick to it because she has to protect her group. She forces herself to nod.</p>
<p>"You should go up there. Be with your group."</p>
<p>Hope knows she should, and for some reason, the other girl suggesting it doesn't irritate her. Normally someone giving her advice of any kind that wasn't asked for would annoy the fuck out of her. Because she <em>knows</em> she should.</p>
<p>But this is different.</p>
<p>Hope slowly gets to her feet and looks up again. "Do you want to?"</p>
<p>Josie shakes her head in confusion. "Want to what?"</p>
<p>Hope hesitates, not knowing why she's even offering. But she continues anyway. "Go to the bonfire. We only do it once a month so..." she leaves the last part unsaid because it's obvious. Josie and her family won't be here for the next one.</p>
<p>Josie smiles lightly at the offer, her understanding of the leader becoming foggy again. Why's she being nice now? "I, um... I can't really walk."</p>
<p>Without a second thought, Hope moves forward and nods at her. "I'll help." She pauses for a second, noticing the girl's clear surprise.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> “</span>Even your dad's up there. It'd be rude to leave you down here alone," she explains, and she uses this to justify it in her own head.</p>
<p>There's another moment of hesitation, but then Josie nods, and slowly swings her legs over to the edge of the cot. After another nod of approval, she reaches her arms to latch around Hope's neck.</p>
<p>Hope lifts her, one arm supporting her at the bend of her legs, and the other on her back.</p>
<p>Bridal style, just like when she carried her to camp.</p>
<p>The position feels familiar, and Josie can tell that Hope feels it, too. She hadn't even been awake, but she knows for a fact that this is how she was carried to safety.</p>
<p>Hope carries her up the ramp effortlessly, keeping her eyes trained forward, but Josie just studies her.</p>
<p>It's weird. It's as if there are two versions of this girl. The harsh leader who held a knife to her throat for helping Pedro- and the girl who saved her. The girl that's carrying her now.</p>
<p>Josie wonders if this is how she always used to be. Before everything.</p>
<p>They reach the roof, and Hope avoids the stares that they immediately get. She gently lowers Josie onto the end of one of the tree logs and then settles down on another, next to Maya.</p>
<p>Everyone turns their attention back to Jed, who's standing now, tears welling in his eyes.</p>
<p>"I should've stopped you from going back," he chokes out, and Kaleb shakes his head despite his energy withering by the second. "I should've stopped your stubborn ass."</p>
<p>Kaleb lets out a weak laugh and nods for him to come over. Jed leans down and hugs him, all of Kaleb's weight leaning against his body.</p>
<p>Kym sees it before anyone else- sees how Kaleb's hand goes limp, how his expression fades and his body goes cold.</p>
<p>Jed holds him up, not willing to let his lifeless body fall to the ground.</p>
<p>Kym's sobbing now, and Maya quickly goes to comfort her.</p>
<p>Ethan buries his head into his hands, and Jed just stands there, holding his friend.</p>
<p>Hope holds back her tears. Holds back her anger, her guilt.</p>
<p>She has a job to do.</p>
<p>Sebastian sniffles and hands her a knife.</p>
<p>It won't be long before he turns.</p>
<p>Kym sees the knife as Hope stands up, and her sobs grow louder. Maya quickly turns her around to block her from seeing.</p>
<p>Hope steps forward and rests a hand on Jed's arm. "It's time," she says softly, but he doesn't pull away. "Jed."</p>
<p>A sob escapes his lips and he manages to nod before taking a small step back.</p>
<p>Hope takes his place, holding Kaleb upright. She kneels down and lowers the boy onto his back.</p>
<p>Josie knows what's coming, having done it herself far too many times. She turns away, her eyes tearing up as she sees the rest of the group in turmoil.</p>
<p>Hope brushes the hair from Kaleb's face and presses a gentle kiss to his forehead.</p>
<p>And then, right where her lips were, the dagger pierces in.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay i’m so sorry ab the late update, shit has been like the definition of stressful. but anyway i feel like the reveal of hope’s ex-lover might be a little confusing... so check the notes at the end if you need clarification! updating again soon &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josie's eyes flutter open slowly, her eyes immediately narrowing at the ache in her leg. It's getting better, but it still hurts like hell. She looks over at the cot next to her. Pedro is sleeping peacefully. And the cot next to him is empty- where Kaleb used to be.</p>
<p>Josie wishes she had gotten to know him better before.</p>
<p>But maybe it's good that she didn't. She knows better than to get too close to people, especially ones in this group. It won't be long before they're sent back out.</p>
<p>
  <em>With nowhere to go.</em>
</p>
<p>She sighs and turns away, her body aching as she adjusts her position.</p>
<p>She wants to get out of this cot. She wants to be with Lizzie and her father and-</p>
<p>And she wants to learn more about Hope.</p>
<p>She comes in here a lot to check in on Pedro, but she rarely even makes eye contact with her.</p>
<p>It's like she's scared to have a conversation.</p>
<p>Josie brings her hand up to rub at her temple, a small headache forming.</p>
<p><em>Just go back to sleep</em>, she tells herself, and closes her eyes.</p>
<p>They snap back open a second later when she hears shuffling in the cot beside her. She turns to see Pedro, now sitting up in his bed.</p>
<p>He sniffles and fumbles with something in his hands as Josie sits up.</p>
<p>"Hey," she whispers, giving him a soft smile when he turns to her. "You okay?"</p>
<p>Pedro shrugs and wipes away his tears with his elbow. "I had a bad dream."</p>
<p>"Oh. I get those, too. Was it scary?"</p>
<p>Pedro nods. He slightly opens his palms, whatever's in his hands now barely visible. It looks like some sort of chain, but it's too dark to tell.</p>
<p>"What is that?"</p>
<p>There's a moment of hesitation, but then the boy adjusts on the cot and turns to her fully, opening his hands. "It's Hope's. But she acts like she doesn't have it anymore."</p>
<p>"What do you mean?" Josie asks, wondering if he phrased it that way because he's just tired or if it really means something. She squints and leans in to look at it, and soon realizes that it's a necklace with a bullet hanging from it. There's something carved into the metal, but it's too dark to decipher.</p>
<p>"Will you tell her that I took it?" Pedro asks, avoiding the question. He quickly folds his hands to hide it again.</p>
<p>Josie figures this must be an important item to Hope for Pedro to be so worried. She gives him a smile and nods. "No. But you have to give it back, okay?"</p>
<p>"Okay," he nods and lays back down, slipping the necklace under his pillow. "I'll put it inside her room, it won't be good if she knows that I know."</p>
<p>Josie's eyes furrow and she desperately wants to question what he means by that, but she can tell that the boy is practically half asleep.</p>
<p>She feels almost guilty knowing as much as she does. Granted, she doesn't really know anything, but still. Everyone here is hiding something, something big. It's not something to be spoken about, and Josie feels like she's inching closer and closer to finding out what it is.</p>
<p>But maybe it's best if she doesn't know. Kym said it was really bad.</p>
<p>She certainly doesn't need any more bad in her life.</p>
<p>And she shouldn't, she knows she shouldn't- but her curiosity is too strong.</p>
<p>Pedro's breathing has evened out and it's clear that he's fast asleep now. She adjusts in her cot and leans towards his, trying to be as quiet as possible as she tugs at the little bit of chain sticking out from under his pillow.</p>
<p>She sits back with the necklace in her hands and rubs her fingers along the bullet. She feels the engraving and she squints, desperately trying to make out what it is.</p>
<p>It doesn't take long before she's able to read it.</p>
<p><em>Forever and always</em>.</p>
<p>And on the other side, a engraving of a flower. A rose.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>"Rose."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Don't."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Please," Hope says, moving forward as her lover folds the parchment in her hands and sets it aside. "I didn't mean to push you away, I just... I was stressed and it just didn't want to deal with..." Hope curses at herself for not knowing how to explain this better. She's trying, but it's all coming out wrong.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose meets her glistening eyes and shakes her head, tears falling down her cheeks. "You didn't want to deal with me."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"That's not what I-"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I've been trying, Hope, but this just... it's an endless cycle, and I can't do it. I mean, we're literally in the middle of the fucking apocalypse and-"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"I know, but- please, just... I don't know what to say, tell me what to say and I'll say it," Hope stutters out, her thoughts scrambled because she's afraid. Terrified. She's so in love and she can't-</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"There's nothing you can say," Rose manages to get out, her voice breaking. "It's for the best, I was... I was a distraction. You have responsibilities, that should be your focus. Not me."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"No, I don't- I don't even know how to do this without you! I love you, please. I don't know how to do this alone," Hope says desperately, just the thought of it making her throat grow tight.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"You did it before."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"And I was suffocating!" Hope moves towards her again, grasping her hands, holding them to her lips. "I couldn't breathe. You help me breathe, I need you."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There's silence as Rose lets her lover rest her forehead on her own, and she doesn't want to pull away. But she has to. "I can't," she whispers, pushing Hope back gently, avoiding her gaze because it hurts.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She loves her. She does, with all that she is.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But this has been going on for too long.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She moves past Hope and leaves her there, immediately going to her own room.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She yanks out the parchment from her pocket and unfolds it, her tears falling and making droplets form on the paper.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She's been stalling, for Hope. But the inevitable happened, and she needs to leave.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The parchment contains writings of all that Hope's camp has. All their supplies, how much food they have, what type of weapons they have access to, and where they go when they're on supply runs.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She documented everything in the past two months. Because that's what she was sent here to do. Her group, her real group, knew there were people camped in this garage, and it's too dangerous to get to the highway without knowing what they're walking into.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So they sent her. It was supposed to be a simple mission. Gain trust, document everything and sneak back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But she didn't expect this. She didn't expect to fall in love.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She didn't expect to connect with everyone. This wasn't apart of the plan.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But, her group has been communicating with her through the walkie-talkie she keeps hidden under her bed. And they're running out of supplies, running out of time.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She needs to go back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's convenient timing, that Hope pushed her away, and she needs to take advantage of it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She brings the two-way radio up to her lips and presses the talk button. "I'm coming back. I'll be there tonight."</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>There's a moment of silence before static fills the air. "Got everything?"</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"Everything and more," she replies, trying to keep her voice steady as more tears fall.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope's hands sting as she clenches them, and blood is still trickling from one of her knuckles. She needs stitches.</p>
<p>She sighs and debates just going to sleep. It'll have a higher chance of getting infected if she waits, but she doesn't want to bother Kym. She needs time away to heal.</p>
<p>Hope's done it herself before, and she cringes as she remembers how painful it was. But, desperate times, right?</p>
<p>She sits up off the worn-down mattress and heads down the hall, towards the infirmary. Her footsteps are slow, trying to keep quiet so she doesn't wake Pedro or Josie as she pulls back the curtain.</p>
<p>They're both fast asleep and she lets out a quiet sigh of relief. She's worried about what she'll say when Pedro wakes up. They've lost so many people, yet watching him try to understand never gets any easier.</p>
<p>She makes her way to the corner of the room, where they have a bucket of supplies, and pulls out the roll of thread and a sewing needle.</p>
<p>She grabs a towel and dampens it in water, before taking a seat.</p>
<p>Hope takes a deep breath to prepare herself, knowing she'll have to keep quiet so she doesn't wake anyone. She thinks about moving back to her room to do it, but figures this is the most sanitary place in their camp.</p>
<p>The biggest cut is on her right hand, so she slips the thread through the needle and braces her arm. Her left hand is unsteady, not used to being used for precision.</p>
<p><em>This is going to hurt like a bitch</em>, Hope thinks, before tightening her muscles and poking the needle into her skin. As if that didn't hurt enough, trying to thread it through the other side of the wound with her non-dominant hand is not working and her hand is shaking from the pain.</p>
<p>She grits her teeth and pulls the needle to give her more leverage, and threads it through. <em>One down, three more to go</em>.</p>
<p>Hope tugs at the string to tighten the stitch. Definitely the worst part.</p>
<p>She begins making the second, and this one feels ten times worse.</p>
<p>"You shouldn't be doing that alone."</p>
<p>Hope jumps at the voice, the string pulling through her skin fast, making her yell out in pain. "Fuck," she curses, clenching her hand to keep it steady.</p>
<p>Josie immediately sits up. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"</p>
<p>"It's fine," Hope mutters, her eyes clenched closed as she waits for the pain to subside.</p>
<p>"Shouldn't you wait for Kym?" Josie asks, her voice low as she doesn't want to wake Pedro.</p>
<p>"I don't want to bother her. She has enough going on," Hope replies, opening her eyes and taking a deep breath. She doesn't look up, because the air around them is warm, and she feels vulnerable. She doesn't need this stupid internal conflict, what she needs is for Josie and her sister to leave so she can feel normal again. "You should go back to sleep."</p>
<p>The brunette wants to argue, but something in the leader's voice tells her that maybe she's not in the mood. So she just nods, and settles back down in her cot, tugging the paper-light sheet up. But she doesn't try to sleep- she just watches.</p>
<p>Hope doesn't notice, and continues with her shaky stitching, grunting softly in pain when she pricks the skin. The worst part by far is the feeling of the thread going through. It's not just the pain- the sensation is so uncomfortable. She pushes through, grateful when her hand starts to go numb around the cuts.</p>
<p>She's on the last one now, in the home stretch, but her left hand is failing her. She hesitates, considering her options-</p>
<p>"I can help." The voice is soft, and it surprises Hope, but not like before. A sense of relief courses through her, but Hope tells herself it doesn't mean anything. Anyone would be relieved.</p>
<p>She looks up, finally meeting Josie's eyes, and sighs. “You don't have to."</p>
<p>"I don't mind," Josie replies, and scoots over, making room.</p>
<p>There's a breath of hesitation, a moment where Hope thinks maybe she can still do it on her own- but her left hand hurts, small bruises from her punching fiasco swelling at the knuckles. She pushes the hesitation away and moves towards the girl's cot, settling next to her but leaving a good distance. Josie only needs her hand.</p>
<p>Josie smiles softly and takes the needle, her nerves building as she brings it near Hope's hand. She wonders if it'd be okay if she held onto it to keep it steady. She thinks about asking, but when she looks up, Hope's attention is on Pedro.</p>
<p>She decides to chance it and places a gentle hand on Hope's, her other holding the needle firmly. This seems to get the auburn-haired girl's attention, but she doesn't say anything and just refocuses on the sleeping boy.</p>
<p>She flinches slightly when the needle pokes into her skin, but it hurts a lot less than when she did it.</p>
<p>Josie threads it through carefully, using the same technique she did on Lizzie's arm. As long as Hope doesn't go punching any more cars, they'll hold.</p>
<p>It's not long before she's done, but she doesn't have anything to cut the end of the thread. So her eyes focus on the other cuts. It's an instinct, completely unintentional, and she regrets it a second later- because the second her fingers graze lightly over the other wounds, Hope yanks away from her and stands, her hand clenching at her side.</p>
<p>Hope's reaction was immediate, but she wishes it were quicker. She should've noticed when Josie was done stitching. She quickly pulls out her knife and cuts the end of the thread, before moving to put the supplies away.</p>
<p>Josie doesn't know what to say, not even knowing why she did it in the first place. It's such a small gesture, feeling the wounds, but it had an instant effect on Hope. She opens her mouth to apologize, but the other girl is gone before she even gets the chance.</p>
<p>Josie curses to herself, fear building in her chest. If she keeps fucking up like this, Hope will throw them out before her leg fully heals.</p>
<p>And she's still hanging on to hope that maybe they'll be able to stay for good.</p>
<p>But only if she stops interfering.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"Are you okay?"</p>
<p>"Fantastic," Kym murmurs, her hands clenched around the empty liquor bottle.</p>
<p>Maya sits next to her, watching as the fire starts to dwindle. "I'm so sorry."</p>
<p>Kym just shrugs, her body tense and her muscles fighting hard to stay strong. She doesn't want to cry anymore. She's been crying for three solid hours and now she has a headache.</p>
<p>
  <em>A dead brother and a headache.</em>
</p>
<p>"Hope needs stitches," she says, wanting a distraction from all of this. She's good at helping people. Except for Kaleb. "She's shit at doing it herself."</p>
<p>"It can wait until tomorrow."</p>
<p>Kym nods. It can all wait until tomorrow. The grief that she feels slowly turning into anger- that can wait until tomorrow. Because she can't even comprehend what or who exactly she's mad at.</p>
<p>Who can she blame?</p>
<p>The apocalypse? Dead people wandering around brainlessly? Jed? Hope? The newcomers?</p>
<p>Kaleb?</p>
<p>No. None of them are to blame, she knows this. But as she thinks of all the people that are here, it only makes her angrier. Because they're all alive, these new people who shouldn't even be here are alive, and her brother isn't.</p>
<p>And she can't handle that. Not tonight.</p>
<p><em>It can wait until tomorrow</em>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>basically, damon and elena’s daughter is stephanie rose salvatore, so in this, she was hope’s ex, and went by rose. hopefully that’s not like dumb lol, i just thought it’d be cool to incorporate a character that we don’t really know? anywho i hope you liked it! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay this chapter is all flashbacks, finally revealing what happened THAT night... i’m um very sorry ily &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Rose is discretely packing her bag, trying her best to stop her tears from falling. She needs to hold herself together. This is her only chance to leave. She needs to take it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She lifts her mattress and pulls out the small bag of bullets she's been stockpiling in secret, and shoves it into her duffel.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A bullet a day.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The thought immediately brings her attention to the bullet hanging from the chain around her neck.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She lets out a shaky breath and brings her hand up to hold the cold metal. Her fingertips glide over the engravings, and this time, she just lets the tears fall down her cheeks.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's useless to hold them in.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She should have ended this a while ago before she became so attached. Before she let Hope become so attached.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The first month, Hope would barely speak to her. But then, when she saved Pedro from a walker when they were out on a supply run, it all changed. Hope stopped seeing her as a threat.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then they grew close.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that's the part Rose regrets most. She shouldn't have pushed Hope to break down her walls. She shouldn't have let herself fall in love. Not when she knew how this would have to end.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I can feel your eyes digging daggers into my skull," she suddenly whispers, sensing someone behind her. And she knows who it is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You can't do this," Maya says, her voice firm as she walks towards her. "I won't let you do this to her."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm doing it for her," Rose says shakily, turning around.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya scoffs. "Bullshit."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose shakes her head and wipes away her tears, meeting the other girl's glare. "I don't have a choice," she says, and there's a moment of hesitation because she knows she shouldn't push it. But she does. "At least now you'll have a chance."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya reacts immediately and shoves her backward. "Fuck you. It's not like that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose knows it's not, but she doesn't want to face the reality of all of this. Maya's never liked her, because she sees right through her. She found her radio a few weeks ago, and they made a deal. Rose wouldn't leave, and Maya wouldn't say anything. For Hope.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You promised you wouldn't go back."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose runs a hand through her hair, breaking her gaze. "My group is starving."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"What about us?" Maya says harshly, not willing to sympathize with her- not after everything. "You're not just taking our shit, Rose! You're taking away everything we've built. Hope loves you. Pedro looks up to you. Everyone here has connected with you, and we've all lost so much. Don't do this to them."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You guys will be fine. I promise if I... Maya, if I had a choice, I would stay," Rose manages to get out, the tears falling freely once again. She needs to leave. Before she breaks, she needs to go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You do have a choice."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But she doesn't. She has a responsibility to her people- her real people. This group isn't hers. She's been pretending for too long. She's tricked herself into believing she could have a life here, with Hope. But she can't. Rose grabs the folded paper from her jacket and holds it out. "Will you give this to Hope?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," Maya refuses, backing away."If you're going to go, then go. But she deserves an explanation. A real one."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I can't."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You have to. What you're doing is heartless. Don't you fucking dare leave her like this."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And with that, Maya walks away.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Rose stands there, the letter in hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can't say goodbye in person. She can't face Hope, or she'll never leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Soft sobs escape her and she crumbles down onto her mattress. She desperately wants to tell her group that she just can't. But if she does, they'll come to get her themselves.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They need the supplies.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she needs Hope. More than anything, she needs-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"The sun's setting," a familiar voice calls out, and Rose feels nothing but relief.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She takes a shaky breath and looks up, meeting the eyes of her lover.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope smiles softly, and it's clearly forced and broken. Rose wishes she could see her real smile again, but she knows that she won't get the chance to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The auburn-haired girl reaches out her hand. "Come see it with me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a different tone in her voice- a pleading one, a desperate last attempt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose needs to leave. She needs to leave before the chance is gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But she accepts Hope's hand and stands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she follows her to the roof.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The sky is a golden yellow, slowly fading to orange as the sun descends.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose doesn't let go of Hope's hand. Because this is their last moment together.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It has to be.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You know what I realized?" Hope suddenly says, her voice quiet, her eyes glued to the sky.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose feels another tear roll down her cheek and she shakes her head. "Don't," she whispers because she can't hear this. She needs to go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not even afraid of dying," Hope continues, letting out a gentle laugh. "The world could end tonight, walkers could break through the gate and tear us to shreds and... and that'd be okay."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose doesn't know where she's going with this, but she feels Hope squeeze her hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's not a strong grip, she can pull away- but she can't. Because it's safe. Here, on the roof, holding onto Hope. It's safe, and she never wants to leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"This whole time I thought I was afraid of death. But I'm not. It's living that terrifies me. Before you got here, it was just about... surviving. When you suggested the monthly bonfire, I thought you were insane. I didn't understand what we could possibly be celebrating."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's a pause, and Rose thinks about pulling away now before Hope says the thing that will ruin any chances of her leaving.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then Hope says it. "I get it now," she whispers, finally turning to face her lover. "I'm shit at showing it, but I love you. Not because I'm scared of leading the group by myself. Not because I don't want to be alone. Not because Pedro adores you. I love you, because... because you make it all worth it. All this death, this destruction, fighting every day to stay alive... it's so fucking exhausting and I used to wonder why we even bother. But I get it now."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose meets her eyes, and she knows, that this is it. This is what Hope's been so afraid of. Admitting that she wants to be alive, and admitting that it's because of someone. Someone who can hurt her, someone who can destroy everything that she knows. And Rose is that someone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You don't have to forgive me," Hope says, her hand reaching up to brush the brunette's hair from her face. "Just let me keep loving you. Let me keep proving it to you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose can't leave. It's not possible, not anymore. Her group will starve, they'll die, and it will be her fault. And she's okay with that. Because Hope is her group now. Her person.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn't have the words, so she just nods, and leans forward to press her forehead against Hope's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She'll stay.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>-</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Hope presses a kiss to Rose's shoulder, her fingers grazing over her collarbone where the necklace she gave her lays.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose closes her eyes, and her thoughts are no longer about savoring this- because she's not leaving. She'll have this, she'll have Hope for as long as she lives.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can lay here forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope hums against her skin before sitting up. "I should go talk to Maya. She's been all tense tonight and-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose quickly grabs her arm. "No, don't," she says quickly, before faking a smile. "Stay with me."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope senses something's off but allows her lover to tug her back down. She laughs and presses a kiss to her cheek before laying her head back down. “You're clingy."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Shut up," Rose giggles and interlaces their hands. "I've missed this. Sleeping here, with you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope smiles and shifts up to lay her head in the crook of Rose's neck, and presses a soft kiss at her nape. "It's been a day, you horndog," she jokes, earning a light shove.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Not what I meant."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They lay there in comfortable silence for an amount of time that neither of them bothers to keep track of, and it's not long before Hope's breathing evens out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose is in a half-asleep daze, her mind completely on the girl next to her. All she thinks about is Hope. All she feels is the warm breath hitting her neck, all she hears is-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Static.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her eyes shoot open, her heart pounding in her chest as the realization hits her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Static, from the radio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her group is trying to reach her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Panic sets in and Rose carefully pulls away from her lover and sits up, trying her best to stay quiet.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She grabs her jacket puts it around her shoulders, before moving to leave the room.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“You okay?” Hope mumbles behind her and Rose tries to still her shaking hands.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She turns back to face her and manages to fake a smile. It’s dark enough that she can pull it off. “Yeah. Just going to get a glass of water.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope smiles lazily and closes her eyes. “Be quick.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose nods, even though she knows her lover can’t see her. She stands there for a moment, just watching the girl sleep- because she’s afraid. Her group is contacting her, wondering where she is. She doesn’t know how she expects this all to go down, but she knows it can’t be good.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a moment of studying Hope’s features, trying to savor this, trying to create a mental image of the girl she loves in case she never sees her again- she leaves the room, and heads to her own, where static is still filling the air.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She grasps frantically for the radio and turns down the volume, and then holds it up to her ear.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rose, do you copy? It’s bad here, it’s really bad. Are you close?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There’s a moment of silence before the voice returns.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rose?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She needs to respond. She needs to tell them something, anything, or else they’ll suspect the worst.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn’t have a plan, but she brings the device up to her lips anyway, ready to press down on the talk button.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rosie?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose spins around in a panic, losing grip on the walkie-talkie, causing it to fall to the ground. She curses and picks it up before setting it down on her mattress, hoping that no one else heard the clutter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pedro wipes at his eyes tiredly and stares up at her in confusion. “What’s that?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose forces a smile and kneels down to his level. “What are you doing up?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Bad dream,” he mumbles, and glances at the mattress. “What is that?” he asks again because he’s always been a curious kid. Rose can’t blame him, but right now, she wishes nothing more than for him to just leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s nothing, it’s just... a radio,” she settles for, kicking herself internally for her answer.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Like with music?” Pedro asks excitedly, and she can’t blame him. He’s only six. But she needs to derail this before anyone hears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No,” she says quickly and grips his shoulders gently. “Let’s get you back to bed, okay?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pedro frowns. “But if there’s no music then what does it do?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Nothing, it does nothing,” Rose says, and she’s panicking because Pedro’s interest is clearly only growing stronger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“But then why-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Let’s go back to bed,” she interrupts gently, standing up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then Pedro moves past her and reaches for the radio.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose quickly comes up behind him and tries to get it before he does, but it’s already in his grasp.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He holds it in his hands and giggles, before putting it to his ear.“Play,” he says and pokes at one of the buttons.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Pedro, please, give that back,” Rose pleads, and reaches for it again, but Pedro holds onto it firmly, and keeps giggling as he presses at the buttons.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Play a song,” he says to it, smiling as he waits for a response.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He’s too loud. People will wake up. And he’ll tell them about it. Because he’s a kid, he’s just a kid, and she can’t blame him and-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Play a so-”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Pedro, give it back!” Rose suddenly says in a harsh whisper and snatches it from his hands. And she immediately regrets it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pedro’s a sensitive kid, and she knows this, and she’s so, so stupid-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The boy's face caves slightly and his bottom lip begins to quiver. “Sorry,” he whispers and looks down, his eyes already building with tears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose kneels down again and grabs his hands, desperately trying to fix this. “No, no, it’s okay, I just need you to be quiet, okay, I need you to-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The static returns.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Rose? Rose, are you there?”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pedro jumps at the sound, but then his features brighten. “Music,” he says happily and grabs the device again.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No, Pedro, don’t-“ the girl tries to stop him, but Pedro moves past her, giggling, and runs into the hallway.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Music!” he says again, and he’s so excited, and Rose loves him so much, but he’s being so loud and-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I need that back-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Music!”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose doesn’t know what she’s thinking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She just knows that he’s being too loud and someone will hear and-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“Play a song!” he says again and Rose lunges forward and holds him back, her hand moving to cover his mouth.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her grip is tight, too tight, and Pedro struggles against her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s scaring him and she needs to let go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I need you to be quiet, okay?” she says desperately, and this is all going downhill too fast.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She feels him nod against her and moves her hand away from his mouth-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And the second she does, Pedro lets out a scream.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Rose isn’t thinking.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn’t know what she’s doing.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s an instinct, she’s afraid and she’s panicking and her first thought is to fight because she doesn’t know what to do.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her hands are reaching for her knife before she can stop them.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It doesn’t register. She doesn’t realize what she’s done until the boy collapses to the ground in front of her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then she sees the blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The blood on the floor.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The blood dripping from her knife.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“No,” she whispers, her body frozen, her mind racing as it hits her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She stabbed him. She stabbed Pedro.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose backs away, her hands shaking, and the blade falls from her grasp and hits the concrete.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Someone’s coming, she can hear the quick footsteps, she can hear Hope calling out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose swallows the sobs threatening to come out because she needs to go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She just stabbed Pedro, and she needs to go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The adrenaline outweighs her shock and before she knows it, she’s running. Leaving everything behind.</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>HI IM SO SORRY i was ready to post like 3 days ago but then shit got busy and THEN i decided to rewrite half of it bc i’m dumb and anyway here it is, i’m sorry for the long wait! i’ll be more consistent, i just gotta stop second guessing myself all the time lol. &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kym doesn't question it when she sees Hope's hands, stitched and clean- but she has her theories because there's no way that she was able to do it on her own.</p><p>The whole group dynamic is shifted slightly, the entire camp quiet and moving as if they’ve died along with Kaleb.</p><p>And in a way, everyone did.</p><p>Hope doesn't go into the infirmary at all, just stays on the roof with Maya throughout the day. She feels guilty for not going to check in on Pedro, but she can't bring herself to go down.</p><p>Everything is too fragile, and the last thing she needs is to face the girl who reminds her of someone she doesn't ever want to think about.</p><p>The realization comes slow, and she hates every connection, all the similarities that Josie and Rose share.</p><p>Appearances aside, they have the same atmosphere that surrounds them. A sense of understanding, and, the thing that Hope tries to avoid most- vulnerability.</p><p>And she won't it happen again. Any of it. She won't let Josie get close to Pedro, or any member of her group. And she'll keep her word- they won't stay. She won't give them a chance to do what Rose did.</p><p>"You're getting better at stitching," Maya says suddenly, her voice wavering from the cold breeze.</p><p>Hope just nods. She won't tell anyone that she had help. It'll give them the wrong idea. The idea that maybe she's warming up to the newcomers, and maybe they can stay.</p><p>She's not, and they won't.</p><p>The wind is growing stronger, and Hope wraps her arms around herself tightly.</p><p>Maya shivers and shoves her hands into her pockets. "Now would be a nice time for some hot cocoa," she mumbles and glances over at her friend. "I take it you're more of a black coffee type of person."</p><p>"Why?" Hope questions, wondering if she's that predictable or if it's just a lucky guess. Either way, this is uncomfortable. She doesn't do small talk, Maya knows that. It makes everything seem so... normal. And it's far from it.</p><p>"I don't know. Bittersweet minus the sweet seems like your thing."</p><p><em>Bitter</em>. "Thanks."</p><p>Maya nudges her gently. “I'm joking. We should look out for some sweets and toys on our next run, though. For Christmas."</p><p>"Are you still joking?" Hope murmurs, not liking the idea of thinking so far ahead. December is still a month away.</p><p>"Pedro wants to go sledding, so I thought we could do all the other Christmassy stuff, too."</p><p>Clearly, Maya's serious, and Hope shakes her head. "I don't want to get his hopes up."</p><p>"There's nothing wrong with having something to look forward to," her friend objects and she looks over to fix her a stern look.</p><p>"There is if it's just empty promises. I won't do that to him."</p><p>"That's not-"</p><p>"Maya," Hope says firmly, and it's a warning.</p><p>The two of them are incredibly stubborn, with only two big differences. One, Hope has a shorter fuse and it doesn't take long for an argument to get out of hand. And, two- she's in charge. And as much as Maya calls her out on her bullshit, she also respects her.</p><p>So Maya doesn't say anything more, just nods and returns her gaze to the city.</p><p>Her childhood house is only a few miles across the highway, but impossible to ever reach. There's no safe way through, and she's almost grateful that there isn't.</p><p>If she were to ever get the chance to go back and relive her past memories, she'd never leave.</p><p>She has Ethan, but he doesn't remind her of home anymore. He's so different now, they all are.</p><p>They all had to become people they never knew they could be. And do things they never thought they would.</p><p>None of them have starved before. None of them had been so close to death- and now it surrounds them completely. Everywhere they look, it follows.</p><p>None of them had to try so hard just to survive another day.</p><p>And none of them had to kill.</p><p>So, Ethan doesn't remind Maya of home anymore. Nothing does. Not even herself.</p><p>Sometimes, she forgets how simple it used to be. And she's afraid that even if things were to go back to how they used to be, it'd never be simple again.</p><p>Because how could everyone just go back to normal life? How could everyone live with the things they've had to do in the wake of the apocalypse. Stealing from innocent people, killing innocent people, sacrificing others just to make it through the night.</p><p>Maya doesn't recognize herself, and a part of her never wants this to end. Because then society will rebuild, and it will no longer be "kill or be killed." And she'll have to live with everything she's done.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Kym watches from the roof as Ethan and Sebastian carry her brother's body out of the camp- it'll rot, and the scent will attract walkers, and it's the only way. They bury him in the woods, along with the others they've lost.</p><p>Kym watches and she doesn't feel sadness or grief. She just feels <em>angry</em>. At the world, at all, it's done to them.</p><p>She's done so much, helping people she doesn't even know, people who might not even deserve it- and this is what she gets.</p><p>A brother who died for a bag of supplies.</p><p>A bag of supplies that is nearly gone because of Josie's surgery. And it's not her fault, it's no one's fault, and that's the worst part.</p><p>Kym has no one to blame.</p><p>And she needs someone to blame because her brother is dead.</p><p>Josie used all their supplies, Hope sent him out on that run, Jed didn't stop him from going back for the bag, and she... she couldn't save him.</p><p>They're all to blame and it hurts.</p><p>She makes a deal with herself. The next person she sees is to blame. Because she can't blame everyone, or she'll have nothing left.</p><p>She needs someone to focus on, something to-</p><p>The first person she sees when she turns from the ledge is Jed. He's sitting along the log beside the fire, his head cradled in his hands.</p><p>And he's crying, she can tell, and she wishes she could back out and walk away, but she's so angry, and he's to blame.</p><p>He did this. He could've stopped Kaleb, and he didn't.</p><p>"Why didn't you stop him?" she asks, her voice wavering and she shakes her head because this is all so ridiculous. "You could've stopped him."</p><p>Jed sniffles and lifts his head, his eyes bloodshot and hands shaking as he lowers them from his face. "It all happened so fast and I..." his voice breaks and he looks up to meet Kym's gaze. "I'm so sorry."</p><p>And Kym knows. She feels it. Jed and Kaleb were like brothers. It's not his fault and she knows it's not, but she's so angry. "You should've done something."</p><p>He nods, lowering his head as tears fall down his cheeks.</p><p>But it's not enough.</p><p>She won't grieve with him. This isn't fair.</p><p>"Why didn't you stop him?" she repeats, her voice harsh but still wavering, because she's crying now, too.</p><p>He's silent as he stands up, and his hands reach out to her, but she doesn't want comfort. She wants justice, she wants someone to pay for this.</p><p>She shoves him back, and he lets her.</p><p>"Why didn't you do something?" she screams, moving forward to shove him again, and he moves back easily because he won't fight back.</p><p>He deserves this. He did this, and he deserves the blame. He closes his eyes and prepares for the next push, and it comes.</p><p>It's not long before his back is pressed harshly into the ledge of the roof, and he waits for her to push him over. He wishes for it.</p><p>She's screaming at him and she's sobbing and he waits, because he deserves this.</p><p>His chest caves when a fist punches into him, but he forces himself to stay upright.</p><p>Hope gets to the roof, along with the rest of the group after hearing the commotion, and she steps in right before Kym's fist hits Jed's jaw.</p><p>She catches the punch and shoves Kym backward, cursing as her stitches strain at the impact. She recovers quickly and turns to Jed, grabbing his arm to steady him. "Go downstairs," she tells him quietly, but he doesn't move.</p><p>She turns to Kym, who's holding her face in her hands and sobbing.</p><p>"Kym," Hope says softly, taking a cautious step towards her. "It's not his fault. It's no one's, and I know that's the worst thing to hear."</p><p>Josie ignores the insistent pain in her leg as she finally makes it to the roof, grabbing onto her sister for support as they all watch Hope approach the crying girl.</p><p>"You need someone to blame, and I get it-"</p><p>Kym's face suddenly shoots up, and she pushes Hope back. "<em>You</em> sent him out there!"</p><p>Hope takes another step forward and nods. "I did. You can blame me, Kym. But I know for a fact that if he was here right now and he had the choice to change what he did, he wouldn't. Kaleb went back, he made that choice."</p><p>"So it's his fault," Kym says harshly, her face growing cold.</p><p>Hope shakes her head, her eyes watering, but she forces herself to keep her composure. "No. But he knew the risk. He chose to go back, and I respect his decision. He deemed that bag worthy to die for. So I'm going to do everything I can to make sure it was worth it."</p><p>Kym shakes her head, her face breaking as the sobs start again. Maya rushes forward to comfort her and Hope turns and kneels down next to Jed.</p><p>"Damn," Lizzie murmurs, letting out a quiet scoff. "They're all crazy."</p><p>Josie elbows her, keeping her gaze locked on the leader who's now standing up and turning to the rest of the group.</p><p>"Okay, I didn't want to do this tonight, but it has to be said," Hope starts, her voice echoing across the roof.</p><p>Everyone's attention is on her, and Josie can see that the girl seems a little nervous- which is odd, seeing as how she's been leading the group for a good amount of time and everyone already has a deep amount of respect for her. She shakes this off as Hope continues.</p><p>"Kaleb's gone, and while none of us are to blame, I won't let someone else die due to my negligence. We won't be going on any more runs this month. We don't have many supplies, but we have enough. In a couple of weeks, I'll survey the area and possibly send out a group. Until then, no one leaves unless authorized for hunting."</p><p>There's a silent understanding within the group as they wait for her to continue.</p><p>"It's getting colder. And it'll keep getting worse, so we need to prepare. We'll keep the fire burning throughout the night, and have someone tending to it at all times. With the wind getting stronger, we can't risk it going out and not being able to get it started again."</p><p>"What about the snow?" a small voice calls out, and Hope smiles down at Pedro and gives him a nod before addressing the group again.</p><p>"We'll start setting out buckets to catch whatever falls and boil it down. I want to limit our runs to the lake, we'll take advantage of the cold weather if it snows."</p><p>"And what about all the open space here? How will we keep warm?" Alaric suddenly asks, taking everyone by surprise. He hasn't been involved in anything so far, people nearly forgot he was here.</p><p>Hope doesn't take well to him interrupting, especially since he's not apart of this discussion, but answers anyway. "We'll be covering each floor in a layer of blankets. We'll have cold nights, but it'll be better. Any other questions?" she asks sarcastically and nearly laughs when the man takes the request seriously.</p><p>"What are your plans for me and my daughters? Surely, you can't send us out there with it getting colder. We won't stand a chance."</p><p>"Dad," Josie whispers, nudging him to stop. Clearly, their best chance at staying longer is to not discuss it and hope it goes forgotten, but he doesn't seem to understand that.</p><p>Hope glares at Alaric for a solid minute before nodding to the rest of the group. "You guys can go, sleep well."</p><p>The group disperses without complaint, leaving Hope, Lizzie, Josie, and Alaric alone on the roof.</p><p>It's silent for another moment before Hope clears her throat. "Let me make this clear," she starts, her gaze avoiding Josie, and keeping a firm glare on the father. "You'll be out of here as soon as your daughter is fit to travel, no matter the weather."</p><p>"We'll die."</p><p>Hope scoffs. "Not my problem. My only obligation is to my group, and if you die within seconds of leaving here, it won't weigh on my conscience. I wasted my supplies and food on you and sheltered you for three days. I suggest you don't complain."</p><p>"Who are you to be sending us out to our deaths?" Alaric objects, taking a step towards her despite Josie's hand trying to hold him back. "You're just a kid, you can't-"</p><p>"I'm just the kid that saved you and your daughters because you were incapable of protecting them," Hope says coldly, taking a step towards him, her hand resting on her belt where her knife is secured. Alaric notices this and takes a considerable step back.</p><p>After a sharp intake of breath, Alaric makes the mistake of continuing. "Your system is flawed. If this is how you govern, like some dictator, it won't-"</p><p>Hope shoves him backward and holds her knife out- as a gentle warning, of course. "I was voted in, and we hold votes for important decisions that affect the group. Believe it or not, your lives aren't important enough to hold a vote. You're leaving, and that's it."</p><p>"Dad, please," Josie whispers, swallowing hard as she watches Hope and her father have an intense staring contest, and as much as she loves her dad, she would understand if Hope stabbed him right now.</p><p>She saved their lives, it's not their place to question her authority.</p><p>And Lizzie, who normally would be defending her family against anyone who tried to oppose them in any way, is just watching in amusement.</p><p>She doesn't like Hope- she's an arrogant asshole, but she can finally see why she's so respected. She'll never admit that out loud, though.</p><p>The air is tense as Hope waits for Alaric to try it. Her thoughts are full of taunts, begging him to make a move so she can kick his ass.</p><p><em>Do it, I dare you</em>, she thinks and is almost disappointed when he turns away from her, and motions for his daughters to follow him.</p><p>They all head downstairs, and Hope's satisfied for a second- until the brunette turns and meets her eyes for a moment before continuing down the ramp.</p><p>Hope can't tell what the look means exactly, but it almost seems apologetic, and she hates it.</p><p>She can't wait for the time she gets to kick them out and never see those eyes again.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>There are no words to describe the feeling- because it’s so much more than fear. It’s reality setting in, it’s the truth releasing itself, and it’s the apocalypse, the real one, finally happening.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When Hope turns that corner, she expects the worst- and she gets far more than that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seeing Pedro lying in a pile of blood isn’t something she ever expected to see. Because she made a promise to herself, the second she met him, that she’d do anything in her power to protect him. She wouldn’t let him get hurt. Ever. It’s not possible, because she’d give her life before anyone gets the chance to lay a harmful finger on him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because he's just a kid. And he deserves, more than anyone, to live past this all. He deserves a chance to grow up and experience the things everyone should get to.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Protecting Pedro is more than just protecting an innocent child. It’s preserving the world, the one before the apocalypse. It’s living hope and it’s something to fight for.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that feels like the best kind of justice she'll ever get in this fucked up world.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Seeing him there, lifeless on the ground, is everything she’s been living for- dead. Gone. Just like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn’t know what happened, and it doesn’t matter.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A walker could be roaming free in their camp right now, and she wouldn’t care to kill it before it did any more damage.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All that matters is Pedro, covered in blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>All that matters is everything, shattered, broken, destroyed- forever.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And her first thought isn’t sadness. Not grief, or anger, or confusion.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s envy.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because she wants nothing more than to be lying there right beside him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because if he’s gone, what’s left?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she reaches for the knife on the ground, covered in his blood, and brings it up to her neck because she’s ready.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she nearly does it, but then her grip loosens and the blade falls to the ground- because it’s covered in Pedro's blood, and she recognizes the knife.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's Rose's.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's Rose's, and she doesn't know what that means.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her first thought is that something happened, that Rose is hurt, too, but it doesn’t make sense, none of it makes sense.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And then Kym’s there, carrying Pedro away to the infirmary, and Hope’s laying there next to his blood.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya’s hands are shaking her, apologizing and crying and Hope doesn’t comprehend any of it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It’s all a blur of words.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I should’ve told you... I never thought she’d... I’m so sorry... Her group sent her here...-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>None of it makes sense and Hope is trying to understand, but the second things start to piece together, her stomach tenses and she turns over, her body ejecting everything inside.</em>
</p><p><em>Everything leaves her body as if making room for the truth, and Hope refuses</em> <em>to focus on any of it except for the last thing that Maya says to her.</em></p><p>
  <em>“Her group is just west of here.”</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>okay this chapter was fun to write so i hope y’all like a fun lil *hosie interaction* :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"Her camp is just west of here."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The words float around them and Hope is trying so hard to understand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her hands are pressed into the pool of Pedro's blood, and nothing makes sense.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can hear Kym shouting at people to get her supplies, she can hear the chaos, and it's terrifying.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>There's so much blood, there's no way he can survive this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's dead. Pedro's dead. He's dead, he's dead, he's dead-</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And her camp is just west of here.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope's reaction is late and she stumbles when she stands and grabs at Maya the second she turns around. "Her camp?" she yells, her hands squeezing firmly on the girl's shoulders.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya nods, tears rolling down her cheeks and she can barely meet her eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope lets go of her and turns around quickly because she still doesn't understand but she knows enough to be angry. Angry enough to do something she'll regret, and she doesn't want to hurt Maya. "You knew," Hope whispers, her hands coming up to thread through her hair as it processes. "She was... someone sent her from another camp and you knew."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I didn't think she'd do this, we- we made a deal and she said she'd stay and-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope's not listening anymore, because she won't let herself feel it.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She won't feel betrayed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She won't accept that the woman she loves did this, she won't accept that she put all her trust in someone and risked the livelihood of her entire group for them to turn around and do this.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can't feel it. All she lets herself feel is anger.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's angry, not heartbroken.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's angry, not blindsided.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's not feeling as if her entire world is closing in on her and she can't breathe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's angry. And that anger consumes her, all of her, and it's all that she is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You're in charge," she murmurs- because after everything, Maya is still the one person who can do this other than her, and somehow Hope manages to trust her with the group, and she thinks of it as the last thing she’ll put her trust into.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She bends down to pick up the bloody knife and turns it in her hand before moving towards the gate.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya tries to stop her, tries to pull her back because this is her fault and she doesn't know what Hope will do. "No, Hope, please- Let me go with you, I did this, I let this happen and I-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," Hope says sharply, pulling away from her. "I did."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya's crying, sobbing, and she doesn't know what to do. She can't run this group, and she can't let Hope just leave. Something tells her that if she goes, she might never come back. "Please," she begs, moving to stand in front of her. "We need you. Pedro needs you and- she's not worth it, Hope, you can't-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I'm not doing it for her," Hope interrupts, and she feels her body go numb. She feels nothing for Rose. It's a stranger that did this, and it's a stranger that will pay for it. "I'm doing it for him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she tells herself this, repeats it in her head like a mantra as she leaves camp with nothing but Rose's knife in her hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She tells her this as she heads west, tells herself as she hears distant screams from Maya for her to come back.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She doesn't feel anything as she walks, and she doesn't even know how long she walks and it doesn't matter until she hears the screams ahead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And she recognizes the voice and she hates it because her first thought is that Rose is in danger and she needs help.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That's what propels her forward into a sprint, and that's what drives the knife in her hands into the temple of the walker she sees when she turns the corner.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And when the body falls to the ground, there she is.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose is bleeding and pressed against a car, nothing but a crowbar to defend herself, and it clearly hadn't done her any good so far.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And suddenly that need to save and protect her leaves Hope's mind when she meets her lover's eyes.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because they're not the same anymore.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They're the eyes of Pedro's murderer, and nothing more.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Fuck," Ethan curses when his arrow misses the squirrel by a mile. He doesn't want to leave the roof unless he has something to collect, and so far, he just has arrows to get back and no food.</p><p>"Thought you said you were getting better at this," Maya says as she walks up to him, a joking tone in her voice.</p><p>Ethan shrugs and lowers his crossbow. "I'm just distracted. It's hard to focus out here, it's so cold," he mumbles, before setting his weapon down so he can rub his hands together for warmth.</p><p>"Tell me about it," his sister agrees and leans against the ledge. "Hope's putting up blankets around the openings on each floor. It'll block the wind but it'll still be freezing."</p><p>"Does she need help?"</p><p>Maya shakes her head. "She said she wanted to do it alone. I think she just needs something to keep her busy."</p><p>Ethan picks up his bow again and aims it down at the ground."Wanna make a bet?"</p><p>Maya watches him carefully, clearly interested, and waits for him to continue.</p><p>"I think the newcomers will stay."</p><p>She doesn't know what she expected, but it certainly wasn't that. "Ethan-"</p><p>"If they don't, you get all my game for a month," he finishes, and Maya can't help but laugh.</p><p>"So, nothing?"</p><p>Ethan smiles and shoots her a look. "Come on, I'm serious."</p><p>Maya shakes her head and looks away for a moment before responding. "No. It's not our place to theorize and make bets."</p><p>"Sebastian's in on it too. He's got a crush on the blonde so you'll be getting double if they get kicked out in say... a month. By then the one with the injured leg-"</p><p>"Josie," Maya corrects.</p><p>Ethan rolls his eyes and nods. "Yeah, Josie- her leg will be healed enough by then."</p><p>"You're a shithead," his twin mutters because it's a ridiculous bet. They won't stay. After what happened... Hope won't be able to make that decision. The group is used to the whole "temporary" thing, they've all heard it before, but this is different. Everything's different now.</p><p>"Do we have a deal or what?"</p><p>It's stupid, but she can't help loving the idea of beating Ethan. They haven't bet on anything in a while, and she misses the competition."Fine."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope hammers in another nail to try and hold up the fabric, but it breaks halfway in again.</p><p>All their supplies are rusted and eroded, so she shouldn't be surprised that they're not strong enough, but it pisses her off.</p><p>She could use medical tape, but it probably won't stick, and even if it does then they won't have any in an emergency.</p><p>She decides to take a break because this is doing nothing but frustrating her and it's the last thing she needs right now. She sits down with her back against the wall and sighs.</p><p>Her hand subconsciously moves up to hold the bullet around her neck and she feels her heart clench in her chest.</p><p>After everything, Hope misses her.</p><p>Not Rose as a person, because Rose is gone. She never even knew her to begin with. She was nothing but a stranger.</p><p>Hope misses the feeling, the <em>comfort</em> of having someone. Someone to hold you through the night and tell you that everything will be okay.</p><p>She misses it, and she aches for that feeling because she never had it before Rose.</p><p>Her family was always moving, her parents were too busy with work, and she never played nice with others, so making friends wasn't easy.</p><p>She wasn't taught to find comfort in people. She wasn't taught to trust others and accept help- she only had herself.</p><p>And when she met Rose, she let her guard down, because for the first time- someone was taking care of her. And she let her. Because she was so exhausted from acting okay.</p><p>And now Rose is gone, along with all possibility to ever feel that way again.</p><p>Hope will never feel trust, comfort, or protection again. No security, no safety- nothing real.</p><p>She'll never feel content again because it wasn't real, to begin with. It was blissful ignorance and it blinded her from the truth.</p><p>And she won't let it happen again.</p><p>The necklace no longer reminds Hope of Rose. It reminds her of the feeling. Of being in love. Of being content. Of being okay.</p><p>And she hates that it comforts her because it's a connection to Rose and she despises her with all that she is and wants nothing to do with her.</p><p>But she can't get rid of it.</p><p>She hates it so much and she can't let it go.</p><p>Her gaze is on the lettering along the bullet, and she nearly scoffs.</p><p>
  <em>Always and forever.</em>
</p><p>Fucking stupid.</p><p>Her mind is racing again, her anger rising in her chest as it so commonly does every time she allows herself to think about the past.</p><p>Her mind is racing and she blocks everything out as she always does and she doesn't notice the girl approaching her.</p><p>In Josie's defense, she's just looking for Lizzie. She knows she shouldn't be walking around on her leg, but she needs to talk to her sister. She thinks of it as a valid reason, but when she sees Hope, she starts to think otherwise.</p><p>Because she knows she shouldn't be approaching Hope like this. Especially when the girl seems to be stuck in her own world and probably doesn't even notice her presence.</p><p>So, she goes against her curiosity and turns around- she won't bother her. As she begins limping back towards the ramp, a voice speaks up behind her.</p><p>"I swear it's like you're everywhere."</p><p>Josie doesn't know what that means, but she turns slowly and looks nervously at Hope. "Sorry, I was just... I was looking for Lizzie."</p><p>Hope moves her head up, gesturing to the roof. “She's with Sebastian."</p><p>"Oh. Thanks," Josie says, finding it weird that she's not being told to fuck off yet.</p><p>"You shouldn't be wandering around," Hope murmurs, moving to sit up.</p><p><em>There it is</em>, Josie thinks, but it seems more like concern than annoyance. "Yeah, I... I'm heading back."</p><p>Hope just nods and watches as the girl turns again and walks away.</p><p>She's grateful that the interaction didn't turn into a full conversation because that would've been-</p><p>"Before I go, I just-"</p><p>Hope has to stop herself from physically groaning out loud. She looks up as Josie faces her again.</p><p>"-Wanted to apologize. For my dad. And my sister, for that matter. I promise they're just..." Josie trails off, not knowing quite how to continue.</p><p>And Hope can't help it. "Ungrateful assholes?"</p><p>Josie hesitates and narrows her eyes a little at the girl. "I'm not sure that's how I'd phrase it, they're just... it's a tough situation that-"</p><p>Hope lets out a short laugh, and maybe she's pushing it, but the whole thing is just funny to her. "It would've been a lot tougher if I left you out there."</p><p>"And we've shown our gratitude-" Josie starts, as anger begins pooling in her chest. Her family may have a short fuse at times but she doesn't take well to people-</p><p>"<em>You've</em> shown your gratitude, all <em>they've</em> done is cause problems."</p><p>Josie's body tenses and she knows that she should walk away before this gets too out of hand, so she tries to reel it in. "Okay well I can't speak for them, but-"</p><p>"No, you just apologize for them, right?" Hope interrupts again, and there's something about the way the leader says it, with a laugh and a shake of the head- and Josie no longer cares about respecting the girl who saved her life.</p><p>"All you've done since we've got here is talk about how you can't wait to kick us out!" Josie suddenly yells and it catches Hope off guard. This whole time she's always wondered how she and Lizzie could be related when they're nothing alike- but now she sees it. They both have that fire behind their eyes, and Hope feels almost proud of herself for bringing it out of Josie without even meaning to. "And I get it, I do, but we have every right to feel threatened by that! We'll die out there in this condition, and you don't care, you're just using this situation as some sick power play and-"</p><p>Hope's no longer satisfied with the outburst and her jaw clenches at the words. "I'm defending my group," she grits out, and Josie actually <em>rolls her eyes</em> at her.</p><p>"There's a difference between being protective and just <em>cruel</em>."</p><p>Cruel. Well, that's the first time Hope has gotten that description, and it's not a word she's adjusting to lightly. She's fuming, and she can feel it rising, so she uses all her strength to back away. "I should've left you out there," she mutters and leans back against the cold wall to try and calm herself.</p><p>"Yeah, I’m really starting to wish you had," Josie spits back, and without another word, limps away and nearly falls twice trying to get up the ramp- but she powers through because there's no way she's asking for help.</p><p>She's never considered herself an overly prideful person, but she can practically feel the smirk on the leader's face, and she refuses to give her any more satisfaction.</p><p>Hope unclenches her fists as her body relaxes and she shakes her head to herself.</p><p>It's weird- she's angry, but not enough to act on it. Maybe anger's not the right word. She's annoyed. Surprised. But she has no intentions to hurt Josie or her family.</p><p>If anything, the interaction was just uncomfortable. It's been a while since Hope's been called out like that.</p><p>Because everything that Josie said was true, and the words resonate, and she feels it again- vulnerable. </p><p>This stranger is surprisingly good at picking her apart and it's concerning. It's as if she knows her intentions, knows how she thinks.</p><p>And Hope hates it.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i’m thinking ab making a twitter acc to just post stuff like the writing process/requests/possibly polls for stuff you might want to happen in this fic? also for like chapter updates if i’m running behind on writing. is that dumb or is anyone interested in that? idk let me know! &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hiii this is a short chapter, more of a filler-ish one to prepare for the next one, which is gonna be... well,,</p>
<p>anyway, i ended up making a twitter? so follow me if you want! &lt;3 </p>
<p>@iris_onthemoon</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Yeah, right."</p>
<p>"I'm serious!" Sebastian insists, his face breaking into a smile as Lizzie fixes him with an unconvinced look. "Is it really that difficult to believe?"</p>
<p>Lizzie rolls her eyes and sets down another bucket along the edge of the roof. "There's no way you've never had a girlfriend, that's ridiculous."</p>
<p>Sebastian laughs and leans against the ledge next to her. After a moment of hesitation, he meets her eyes and smirks. "Is it ridiculous because I'm so attractive?"</p>
<p>"Despite your huge ego, yes, you're a pretty big catch," Lizzie admits with a smile and nudges him. “I mean the accent and strong jawline? You're telling me that's never worked before?"</p>
<p>Sebastian shrugs and lets his eyes wander across the skyline. "I suppose it has, I just never wanted it to."</p>
<p>"Interesting, because Kym told me you're a bit of a player, so I find that very hard to believe..." Lizzie trails off, her smile widening as Sebastian groans.</p>
<p>"Oh, goodness. She brought that up, huh?"</p>
<p>"Mhm, sounded a lot like a warning, too. Kind of a red flag, buddy."</p>
<p>Sebastian sighs. "It's... not what you think. I had a little infatuation with someone in the group awhile back and I, uh... let's just say I misread the situation and no one plans on letting me live it down anytime soon."</p>
<p>"Someone here? Damn, do I have competition?" Lizzie jokes, but she can feel a ping of jealously in her chest, which she finds ridiculous because she barely knows this boy.</p>
<p>"No, no, it was an embarrassing situation, trust me."</p>
<p>Something about the way he says it, makes Lizzie instantly more interested. "Okay, now I need to hear this story."</p>
<p>Sebastian laughs gently, and there's a moment of hesitation before he nods. "Well, uh... long story short, I kissed her and then nearly got thrown off the roof."</p>
<p>"Damn, so she really wasn't into it."</p>
<p>"Yeah, and neither was her girlfriend."</p>
<p>"Oh shit!" Lizzie laughs, trying to imagine someone not only refusing a kiss from this British model and then nearly killing him for it.</p>
<p>Sebastian tries to keep a straight face but ends up breaking into laughter right along with her. "In my defense, I had no idea, her and Hope kept things lowkey and-"</p>
<p>Lizzie nearly chokes and quickly grabs his arm. "Wait, <em>Hope</em>? You kissed Hope?"</p>
<p>Sebastian laughs and turns to her. "No, no, I kissed her girlfriend." He hesitates for a second, as if catching a mistake, and corrects himself. "Well... ex."</p>
<p>"I'm trying to imagine Hope in a relationship and I just... can't," Lizzie shakes her head in disbelief and then laughs again. "Let me guess, Maya? There seems to be a lot of tension there."</p>
<p>"No, that's a different kind of tension," Sebastian quickly says, his smile fading as he looks behind them nervously. "We should go back downstairs."</p>
<p>Lizzie doesn't seem to catch his discomfort and continues prying. "Hold on, you can't just leave me hanging like that! Is it Kym?"</p>
<p>Sebastian is moving towards the ramp, trying to end the conversation, because he's already said too much. “Elizabeth, I really shouldn't be talking about this."</p>
<p>"Well, too late. You have to-"</p>
<p>"She's not here anymore," he interrupts suddenly, turning to face her again. "She's gone and... Hope has strict rules about not mentioning her, ever. It's a bit of a sore subject."</p>
<p>"Oh,” Lizzie murmurs, immediately feeling guilty for pushing so much. "Shit, sorry."</p>
<p>Sebastian gives her a reassuring smile. “It's okay."</p>
<p>Josie suddenly stumbles up the ramp and grabs onto Lizzie as she nearly falls over. "I need to talk to you,” she gets out, clearly out of breath.</p>
<p>Lizzie holds on to her to help her gain her balance. "Jesus, Jo, you shouldn't be walking around like this, your leg needs-"</p>
<p>“We need to talk,” Josie repeats, before glancing at Sebastian and then back to her sister. “Alone."</p>
<p>"Okay..." Lizzie mutters, confused, but smiles at Sebastian. “I’ll see you later.”</p>
<p>He nods and moves past them, down the ramp.</p>
<p>As soon as he’s away from earshot, Josie starts. “God, you were so right!”</p>
<p>“I’m always right,” Lizzie interrupts simply, but after getting a warning look from her sister, she stays silent and lets her continue.</p>
<p>"No, hear me out- Hope? I hate her. she so irritating! Like, if you hate us so much, why even bring us here? She has this stupid superiority complex as if she’s this-“</p>
<p>“Sorry, okay, where is this all coming from?” Lizzie asks, unable to keep in her laugh. It’s been a while since she’s seen her twin so worked up.</p>
<p>Josie groans and pulls her over to the logs, taking a seat to give her leg a rest. “Well, I tried apologizing to her and she basically said that it didn’t matter and that none of us are worth the effort of keeping alive. Who does she think she is? I mean, how-“</p>
<p>“Oh, wait! I have something to tell you,” Lizzie cuts her off again, not giving Josie a chance to protest. “Remember how she mentioned that whole voting thing last night? Well, I asked Sebastian, and he said that if just one person requests a vote, it's mandatory for it to at least be considered, as long as it's reasonable. So, I'm gonna ask him to request it, and then the whole group can vote on us staying!"</p>
<p>Josie sighs and shakes her head. "How do you know they'll even vote for us? Lizzie, a lot is going on here that... we can't be involved in. They've done things, and so far everything I'm finding out is just making me trust everyone less."</p>
<p>Lizzie doesn’t seem to process what her sister is saying and exclaims again loudly when she remembers something else. "Oh! Speaking of which, apparently Hope had a girlfriend? Isn't that crazy? I mean, can you even imagine her in a relationship? She's so-"</p>
<p>"Lizzie, you’re not listening to me!” Josie yells, hitting her sister in the arm, her annoyance turning into anger. “We need to leave.”</p>
<p>“Jo, you need to relax,” Lizzie laughs out, resting a comforting hand on her leg, her face suddenly growing to concern. “Normally, I’d entertain you finally agreeing with me, but I think this whole thing might actually be good for us. Plus, I think you need some rest, because of no offense? You look like shit.”</p>
<p>Josie scoffs and opens her mouth to snap back, but closes it again when she notices something on Lizzie’s jacket.</p>
<p>A speck of white.</p>
<p>And then another.</p>
<p>She quickly reaches her hand out, and sure enough, she feels the cold flurries on her palm.</p>
<p>Snow.</p>
<p>Lizzie quickly catches on and curses.“Fucking fantastic. You sure you want to go <em>now</em>?” she asks sarcastically.</p>
<p>Josie’s running out of ideas, because how can they leave now? If it’s snowing, it’ll get colder, even colder than it already is.</p>
<p>Surely, this won’t affect how long they actually stay- Hope is cruel and she’ll probably send them out in the middle of a blizzard if she gets the chance.</p>
<p>It’s not long before the rest of the group gets to the roof, along with Hope, who seems to be... terrified.</p>
<p>Josie watches her carefully, not expecting to see the leader so flustered.</p>
<p>It only takes a moment for it to sink in.</p>
<p>If Hope, someone who guards their emotions behind twenty layers of brick, is visibly scared of what’s to come...</p>
<p>Josie shivers and turns her gaze to Pedro, who has his head pointed to the sky with his mouth open, attempting to catch snowflakes on his tongue.</p>
<p>She has the sinking feeling that he might never get the chance to go sledding.</p>
<p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>twitter @iris_onthemoon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Chapter 12</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hiii i was gonna make this a super long chapter but decided last minute to cut it into two parts bc well,, a lot is happening soon and i don’t wanna rush it too much. so the next chapter is basically this continued bc its split. sorry this one is short, the next one will be pretty long compared!</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Four hours have passed since Hope left camp, and Maya is already preparing for the worst.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She’s not sure what exactly her plan is. Is it to kill Rose? Follow her to her camp and kill them all? If so, there's no reason for Maya to expect her to return. Hope won't be able to live with herself if she kills Maya. The anger will fade and she'll feel nothing but grief and guilt.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So, Maya's preparing. She lets everyone go back to sleep (though none of them get a second of relaxation) and she and Kym stay by Pedro's side for the rest of the night.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The bleeding has stopped, and somehow- he's alive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Barely.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Every two minutes, Kym checks his pulse, and a few times during the night she has to give him CPR because his heart stops.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The chances of him surviving for much longer are slim, but Maya refuses to let him go. Not yet. Especially not while Hope's gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>If she knew that he survived this long and then died while she was gone, it'd destroy her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Two more hours pass, and there's still no sign of Hope. The sun is rising, and for the first time since the apocalypse began, Maya wishes it wouldn't.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The night is dangerous, cold- quiet. Too quiet. Usually, she can't wait for the morning, but not today.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Today, she wishes it were still night, still just a few hours since Hope left.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because now she's officially in charge, and she has to figure out what to do next.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>The snow falls gently at first.</p><p>Small flurries coat the ground, and for a moment, everyone forgets how scary this all is.</p><p>For a moment, it's like before. It feels nostalgic, like a Christmas morning, all gathered around and seeing the snow glitter in everyone's hair.</p><p>It's nice. Peaceful.</p><p>For a moment.</p><p>No one seems to notice the subtle shift in the air, and it all happens quickly.</p><p>The wind blows stronger and the snow falls harder, and it's no longer gentle flakes.</p><p>The sky grows dark, and it only takes a moment more for people to take notice.</p><p>"Everyone inside," Hope murmurs, shivering as the clouds move to cover the sky.</p><p>Sebastian grabs the weapons leaning against the ledge and heads down the ramp, knowing that they'll get damaged if a storm comes.</p><p>Hope lifts Pedro up and carries him down the ramp, everyone else following quickly. They're silent when they get back down to the second floor, but they're all thinking the same thing.</p><p>That was probably their last moment of peace. At least for a while.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>"Hope."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's never hated her name more. She's always felt weird about it since she's never been an optimistic person, but this time it's different.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the lips of her lover, she wishes she never existed.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose is clutching her stomach, and even in the night, it's obvious.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She was bitten.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope's body moves on its own, and suddenly she's on her knees in front of the brunette, her hand reaching out.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The girl's skin is hot, burning, and the infection is spreading quickly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Hope," she gasps out again, and there's so much in her voice and it hurts.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It pierces Hope like a dagger and twists into her heart, and she can't breathe.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Please," Rose chokes out, and she's choking on her own blood, and it drips from her lips and Hope wishes she could erase the memory, the image of Pedro's body.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because Hope knows what Rose wants from her. She wants her to end it, to end her suffering. To show mercy.</em>
</p><p><em>Mercy</em>.</p><p>
  <em>"I can't," Hope whispers, and she feels like vomiting again, because it's all rushing back. His blood. His body. Everything, dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Dead.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's all gone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Her grip on the knife hardens, and she feels herself fading. She's mourning not only Pedro, and soon, her lover- but also herself. Because she can feel it, her walls going up. Stronger than ever, and she tries to remember how she managed to get this far gone, to begin with. Why did she ever let Rose in? Why did she ever let anyone in?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose is struggling to breathe, the infection spreading quickly through her body, and it feels as if her skin is on fire. She knows she deserves this. She did this to herself, and she accepts that. But she also can't let Hope do this. She can tell by her expression- heartbreakingly numb- that the girl she loves is gone. "You need to go," she manages to get out, and she's not trying to save herself. She's trying to save her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope's knuckles whiten against the handle of the blade, and she pictures his body. Laying there, lifeless.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>What has all of this been for?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Pedro is dead. And his killer is lying helpless in front of her, and this is revenge. This is justice. This is all she has left. "You killed him," Hope forces out, and she wishes she could take in a solid breath of air, she wishes her voice wouldn't shake so much.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She can see the reaction the words have on Rose- her eyes widen and then her face falls into a sob as if she'd been praying for him to survive.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>As if he could. As if she hadn't stabbed him in cold blood, as if she didn't betray everyone.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose knew, deep down, that he couldn't have survived, but hearing the confirmation is the worst thing in the world. The tears fall freely down her face, and she wishes the infection would numb her to the pain in her heart.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And Hope can see it, she can see how much pain she's in, and she hates it. "You don't get to mourn him."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose's body is on fire, every inch of her skin burning as the infection spreads. "You won't be able to live with yourself if you kill me," she manages to get out between sobs, and she's not trying to save herself. She'll die, there's no escaping it. But she won't let Hope go with her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I won't be able to live with myself if I don't," Hope counters, and she finds this to be the biggest lie she's ever told herself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Because Rose is right. She knows her, more than she knows herself.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But Hope refuses to accept that. This girl in front of her is a stranger, and nothing more.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Thinking of her in any other way just hurts too much. She can't mourn anyone else.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"I never meant for this to happen," Rose whispers, the tears burning against her face and she winces as another jolt of pain courses throughout her body.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's a stranger, Hope repeats to herself, and then moves her hand forward to pierce the knife into the palm of Rose's hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose lets out a scream, her other hand moving to grasp the blade, but Hope's grip is strong, unrelenting.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"You don't deserve mercy," Hope murmurs, her voice cold and emotionless, because this is all she has left."You deserve to suffer."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Rose's body is convulsing forward, trying everything in its power to find relief from the pain, but she's too weak. "D-Don't do this, Hope," she forces out, another scream ripping through her as the blade twists in her hand.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And suddenly she realizes what's going to happen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Hope's not here to end her misery or get an explanation.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She's here to torture her.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>She'll watch her turn, and she'll make sure it's as painful as possible.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Cruel.</p><p>The words stay with Hope, and she wishes they didn't hurt so much.</p><p>Especially coming from a stranger.</p><p>And maybe Josie's right, maybe Hope is cruel. Heartless. Maybe that's all she is.</p><p>And she's okay with that. She'll be the bad guy if she needs to be. But she won't have her group pay for her mistakes.</p><p>Not again.</p><p>She's cruel, but she won't let someone break her trust again. She's cruel, but she won't let anyone else die. She's cruel, but she's <em>trying</em>.</p><p>And maybe that means nothing.</p><p>After what she did to Rose, maybe her intentions mean nothing.</p><p>Hope gets torn from her thoughts when she feels a gentle dug at her hand, and she turns her attention to the boy at her side.</p><p>"Sledding?" he asks, and he's so excited about the snow when he should be terrified. But Hope won't tell him that.</p><p>She shakes her head softly and reminds herself that it doesn't matter if people think she's cruel. It's all for him. Her intentions are to keep him alive, and she won't get distracted.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Maya’s trying her best to explain everything that happened- all of it. About Rose’s group, about her initial plans, and how she had promised to stay. And the rest is blank because no one knows what happened to make her stab Pedro, but maybe those details don’t matter so much. She’s telling them about Hope, about how she left, and how Maya is in charge until she gets back. If she gets back. "For now, we just need to wait. Depending on how long-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"She just left?" Kaleb asks, and within the second he has his bag around his shoulders and nods to Jed. "We'll go after her. She needs backup."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"No," Maya says firmly, knowing that more people leaving would only make things worse. “We need to carry on how we’ve been, and if she comes back... we don’t speak of Rose. At all.”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“I don’t understand how she had another camp. What was the point in staying so long?” Kym asks, shaking her head as she looks towards the infirmary. She did this to Pedro, and none of it makes any sense.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Maya sighs. “I don’t know. None of us could have expected this. Especially not Hope. And I’m not sure what she’ll do when she finds Rose, if she does. So, if she comes back-“</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“We just act as if she never existed?” Ethan finishes for her, and Maya nods hesitantly.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“It’s the only way.”</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i’ll be posting updates/if things are taking longer on twitter so you’ll know when to expect the next chapter! @iris_onthemoon</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Chapter 13</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>It's a weird thing, denial. Josie's been living in it her whole life, and it's become a sort of comfort. Her father will neglect her and Lizzie, and she'll just tell herself, things will get better. And it's good to be optimistic, but this is different.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's too extreme, and it ties in with her co-dependence on her twin, and it's all too much.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Josie lives off of helping people, giving.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It's all she knows.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Lizzie is practically the opposite, so it works perfectly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The blonde needs something, her sister helps her get it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Whether it's a boy or a higher grade, they both have the same system, and both are happy with it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Josie never feels used. She feels needed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And sure, it causes problems, as all things do.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Jealously becomes an issue and there are times where both girls needed their independence.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But it never sticks, because, at the end of the day, Lizzie needs Josie. And Josie needs to be needed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Their father never focuses on them, so it's always been just the twins, helping each other with everything.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>So when Josie becomes jealous, she denies it. When she wants something for herself, she denies it. When she needs help, she denies it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And denial sticks with you, stronger than anything else.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because you get comfortable, too comfortable, in that denial, and it's impossible to see the truth through all the fog you've created.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Josie barely knows who she is or what she wants.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>All she knows is that she's a person who helps people, a person who needs to be needed. And that's it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She feels selfish when she tries to find hobbies because she needs to be flexible in case someone needs her. She wants to study more to get better grades, but Lizzie needs to rant about her day because if the blonde bottles anything up, it explodes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She's important. Not because she's extremely smart or athletic or brave or kind. But because she's needed.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her entire identity is surrounded by denial and selflessness and giving, and she gives so much that she has nothing left for herself.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And then everything happens.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Infections are spreading, people are dying, and then they're back.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And it spreads and spreads, and everyone's so afraid, but Josie's not, because everything's okay.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her dad needs her to be brave and calm, her sister needs some stability.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Josie is her anchor, and she'll hold onto her denial for as long as she can, for her family.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And that denial spreads throughout her like an infection, it eats away at her bones, drains her veins of blood, clouds her thoughts entirely.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Everything is okay and everything will be okay and she has nothing left to give.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Maya and Ethan finish attaching the blankets to the openings in the garage, trying to prevent the wind from blowing directly on everyone.</p>
<p>They're having a lot better luck than Hope did, but she's grateful that it's one less thing to stress about.</p>
<p>Her fingers fumble over the bullet as they so frequently do, and she wonders what it'd be like to tell someone how afraid she is.</p>
<p>She relishes in the idea, the fantasy of opening up, of being real.</p>
<p>She's gone so long being a blocked-off person, void of emotions or intentions, and she almost forgets who she is when she's not pretending.</p>
<p>"We don't have enough blankets to cover all the sections," Maya announces as she and her brother approach the group.</p>
<p>Hope nods, her grip releasing from her necklace. "We'll move some things around, make sure no one's too close to the uncovered openings."</p>
<p>"The colder it gets, the weaker those wooden planks on the gate will get," Alaric speaks up, and Hope tries to consider this instead of immediately rolling her eyes.</p>
<p>"We're already building reinforcements for it. We're doing what we can without going out for supplies," she explains, and then turns back to Maya. "Check inventory tonight, make sure we have enough for everyone here for at least another weak. By then, our situation will be different."</p>
<p><em>Our situation will be different</em>, Josie repeats in her head, and she tries to decipher what Hope means by that.</p>
<p>Does she mean that there'll be fewer mouths to feed because she and her family will be gone in a week? Or is she referring to the weather?</p>
<p>She and Lizzie seem to be on the same train of thought because they share a worried look.</p>
<p>"As long as we don't have any more incidents, we'll be okay," Maya says and nudges Ethan. "Which includes wasting arrows due to bad aim."</p>
<p>Ethan laughs and nudges her back playfully. "Yeah, I got it."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Everyone has a designated job for the rest of the day, and things go smoothly for the next couple of hours.</p>
<p>Lizzie helps Sebastian with food rationing, Maya and Ethan focus on securing the roof and bringing buckets of snow inside to boil, Kym checks Pedro's vitals and watches over him since the increased stress usually has a big effect on him, and the rest of them help Hope place more wooden boards on the inside of the gate.</p>
<p>Josie's surprised that she's chosen to help alongside Hope, but doesn't protest- she's pushed her luck far too much since she's gotten here. If anything, this might be her best chance at making things right so Hope doesn't have the urge to get rid of them so quickly.</p>
<p>But Hope barely gives her a chance to get a word in- the second they're side by side, she moves away and focuses on another part of the gate.</p>
<p>It's intentional and it's obvious, and it's beyond irritating.</p>
<p>It's the apocalypse, for fucks sake.</p>
<p>Do they really need to do the whole petty silent treatment thing?</p>
<p>Josie keeps trying, even though it only slows down the process of securing the gate, and Jed has to practically follow the two of them to finish what they started because they keep moving around before completing a task.</p>
<p>They all work quietly, but it's not too uncomfortable, since they all should be focused on listening for walkers outside anyway.</p>
<p>Being this close to the entrance is dangerous, especially when they're barely started on making the gate stronger, so just a small herd pressing into the wood could raise an issue.</p>
<p>They each have weapons by their side except for Josie, and she finds that to be extremely unfair during these circumstances, but bites her tongue anyway.</p>
<p>Surely they won't let anything happen to her.</p>
<p>Right?</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>"I don't understand why you can't just request a vote. You said-"</p>
<p>"Elizabeth, it's not that simple," Sebastian sighs, placing more cans along the wall. "She has to actually agree to it, and even then, I'm not sure where everyone else stands on you guys. It could just get you all sent away quicker."</p>
<p>"Okay well, I have your vote, right?" Lizzie asks, and Sebastian smiles and nods, so she continues.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> “</span>Great and Kym seems nice enough, so does Jed. And Pedro gets a vote, and he seems to like Josie a lot, so there's four. Four out of seven gives us the majority vote.”</p>
<p>“It’s not all based on the majority. People aren’t the only voters. Circumstance comes into play.”</p>
<p>Lizzie shakes her head in confusion, not understanding. “What do you mean?”</p>
<p>“Circumstance, logic. For example, you staying increases our risk. That counts as a vote against you. We’ll have less food, that’s another vote. Previous experiences with outsiders, another.”</p>
<p>“That’s not fair,” Lizzie scoffs out and Sebastian looks at her apologetically.</p>
<p>“It is. Emotions can’t be our only method of letting people in, it just doesn’t work that way. It has to make sense for our group as an entirety.”</p>
<p>“Okay, so what does that mean?”</p>
<p>“Well... Your best chance in the case of a vote is getting everyone’s approval. Then you’ll outweigh the circumstance votes. Otherwise-“</p>
<p>“Otherwise we’ll be gone,” Lizzie finishes and then pauses hopefully. “What if it’s a tie?”</p>
<p>Sebastian nearly laughs and shakes his head. “That’s the worst-case scenario.”</p>
<p>“Why?”</p>
<p>“If it’s a tied vote, the decision goes back to Hope.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>It’s excruciating, and the worst part is how long it takes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Infections can take an hour to twelve hours to overtake the body completely, and so far it’s been seven.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Seven hours of Hope watching Rose succumb to the pain, and increasing it every so often.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s difficult because her numbness to the situation fades as each hour passes.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her anger is gone, and it takes all the strength she has to not just end it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Watching her lover in so much pain is torturing, and her brain has too many conflicting thoughts to keep up with.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>It’s overwhelming and Hope sets down her knife, no longer able to inflict more pain.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose can barely talk, can barely breathe without choking, and it’s all hitting at once.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This isn’t her fault.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose didn’t kill Pedro. Hope did.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She let this happen. She did this.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope killed Pedro, and now she’s killing Rose, and she has nothing left.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose uses her remaining strength to reach for her, and Hope is too weak to resist.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She holds onto her lover’s hand and moves to sit next to her, allowing the brunette’s body to collapse into hers.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Her skin is burning her hand, but Hope doesn’t let go.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She closes her eyes and tries to remember who she is because she’s so afraid.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>This is it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She remembers the night she told her she loved her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She remembers what Rose said, and it was a joke, but she gets it. She feels it, stronger than ever.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’d let you bite me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope feels the body against her go limp.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’d let you bite me.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’d let you.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>I’d choose to.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope’s vision is blurring, the tears in her eyes clouding everything, and she forces them out because she needs to see clearly.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She needs to see her before she fades.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope shifts so she can tilt her lover’s head up, to meet her eyes one last time.</em>
</p>
<p><em>But they’re completely glazed over and gray, and there’s no life in them, and</em> <em>Hope can’t breathe.</em></p>
<p>
  <em>She’s gone.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And she’ll turn.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose didn’t deserve this.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She didn’t deserve to feel it all. She deserved mercy, she deserved peace in her last moments, and Hope didn’t give it to her.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose’s body shifts against hers, and Hope knows it’s not her, not anymore, but she refuses to let go.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because she feels it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>At this moment, she gets it completely.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She’d let her bite her, infect her, change her- because this is all she has left.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Going back to her people is no longer an option. She let them down. She did this to them, to all of them, and this is where she belongs.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Next to Rose.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Always. Forever.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Hope moves back, just enough to reach the bullet around her dead lover’s neck.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She unclasps it and it falls into her palm, and the weight of it gives her a sense of reality.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Rose’s hands are grasping towards her again, but it’s no longer Rose, and Hope forces herself to back away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The body that once belonged to Rose is inhabited by something else now, and it reaches for her, and Hope wants nothing more than to succumb to it.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Let her take her away.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Because she has nothing left.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Pedro is gone, and Rose is gone, and there’s nothing left.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She almost gives in.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The walker gets so close, and she doesn’t move for so long, and its teeth surge towards her, ready to clamp down on any available skin.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>But to go now would be too easy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>To go now would be mercy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>And Hope doesn’t deserve mercy.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She deserves to live with this, live with the guilt and pain every day.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She deserves to relive every moment for the rest of her life.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>She doesn’t deserve mercy.</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Josie’s still trying, and Hope is at her breaking point.</p>
<p>Why can’t she just get the hint?</p>
<p>She doesn’t want to talk or hear another apology or feel obligated to apologize back, because it’s ridiculous. They’ll be gone soon enough.</p>
<p>But Josie is relentless.</p>
<p>“About last night-“</p>
<p>“You need another nail on that end,” Hope interrupts cooly, and nods towards the other end of the gate. “It’ll cave if you don’t.”</p>
<p>Josie sighs. “Look, I just want to-“</p>
<p>Hope turns to her sharply, dropping the nails from her hand. “I know what you want to do, and I’d appreciate it if you’d fix the other end before you get us all killed.”</p>
<p>“Dropped something,” Josie mutters after a moment, before walking away, and it’s all so petty and ridiculous and Hope scoffs.</p>
<p>She pushes her rage down and kneels forward to pick up the nails, and it all happens so quickly.</p>
<p>Her hand just grazes near the small opening underneath the gate, and suddenly something grasps her.</p>
<p>And then they hear the snarling, right outside the gate.</p>
<p>Hope yanks her hand back, her body hitting the wall behind her when Jed helps her pull away.</p>
<p>“Everyone back!” she yells, out of breath from the hard impact on the wall, and she rubs her hand, quickly looking for any scratches or bites, but luckily there’s nothing.</p>
<p>And then, just a second later, the gate is pushed in, walkers breaking through every layer of wood, and the growling and bullets are battling for what’s loudest, and Hope tries to tell her people to stop shooting.</p>
<p>It’ll only bring more, and there’s already a decent-sized herd entering the garage, and she’s struggling to get up.</p>
<p>Ethan and Maya come down after hearing the gunshots and begin shooting alongside Jed, and more walkers keep coming in, dropping dead after getting a step inside.</p>
<p>But there’s too many, and they’re wasting bullets and Hope turns to tell them to back off and get to the roof, to-</p>
<p>Her head is turned and a walker is shot down next to her and lands on top of her body, and it’s not dead.</p>
<p>It growls against her and its breath hits her neck, its teeth baring closer to her skin, and she’s not able to reach her knife.</p>
<p>She tries to shove it off, but it’s dead weight and it’s holding her to the ground.</p>
<p>She screams as the mouth grazes her neck and she feels the teeth scrape against the skin-</p>
<p>And suddenly the weight is gone and she gasps out a breath, quickly sitting up to lean back against the wall.</p>
<p>Barely able to catch her breath, she looks up to see Josie, knife in hand, standing above the walker and driving the blade through its brain.</p>
<p>Before Hope has a chance to say anything, the brunette is pulling her up and shoving her forward, towards the ramp, where the rest of the group is quickly escaping.</p>
<p>The herd enters their camp behind them, and Josie and Hope are only a few steps in front of them, both struggling to get up to the roof.</p>
<p>Hope suddenly pushes the brunette to the side as a walker grasps at them, and she turns to drive her knife into it, yelling at the girl to keep moving.</p>
<p>She doesn’t know why her instinct was to get her out of the way instead of just pushing forward, but she doesn’t have the time to question her actions.</p>
<p>They finally make it to the top floor and stumble to the ledge as the rest of the group shoots at the herd following after them.</p>
<p>Hope gasps and coughs as she tries to breathe, the fresh air reaching her lungs.</p>
<p>Her eyes shift to the brunette, who’s struggling to catch her breath as well, her hand holding onto her leg, and it’s clear that it’s hurting again.</p>
<p>Hope stands up and reaches a hand out to her, not able to think about who she’s helping- they don’t have time.</p>
<p>Josie takes the help and gets up, and they share a quick look before Hope turns to the ramp.</p>
<p>“Thank you,” she murmurs, before surging forward to help her group fend off the rest of the walkers.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The last walker falls and its body slides down the ramp slowly, and everyone’s exhausted and afraid, waiting for more to appear.</p>
<p>But they don’t.</p>
<p>“We need to stay up here tonight,” Hope says, her voice shaking slightly because she’s afraid too. They need to rebuild their gate, they’re too vulnerable up here, especially with the cold.</p>
<p>They set up blankets along the roof as the sun sets, and despite everyone’s physical exhaustion, no one’s able to sleep.</p>
<p>Hope’s focused on arranging guards throughout the night to watch both the ramp and the ledge for more herds, and she doesn’t notice Pedro crying.</p>
<p>But Josie does.</p>
<p>The brunette limps over to the boy and sits down next to him. She hesitates because she knows that if Hope sees her-</p>
<p>But the boy is shuddering and whimpering and he’s so scared, so she reaches her arm to wrap around him and pull him towards her, holding his shaking body as he cries.</p>
<p>“It’s okay,” Josie whispers and holds him tightly. “We’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>He falls asleep against her, and she’s nearly there as well when Hope approaches them.</p>
<p>She quickly jolts slightly, expecting to get yelled at for being so close to Pedro, but Hope just nods and sits down on the other side of him.</p>
<p>They sit in silence for a few minutes, and she notices Hope fumbling with her necklace.</p>
<p>She opens her mouth to ask about it, but Hope beats her to it.</p>
<p>“He likes you,” Hope murmurs, glancing to the sleeping boy.</p>
<p>Josie lets out a quiet sigh of relief and smiles. “The feeling’s mutual.”</p>
<p>Hope looks away again and hesitates. “Thank you. For helping him,” she starts, her voice barely a whisper, as if she’s afraid to continue. But she forces it out anyway. “And for saving my ass back there.”</p>
<p>Josie tries to hide her surprise because she doesn’t want to ruin this, so she just nods.</p>
<p>Her eyes meet her twin’s across the roof, and she gives a small smile.</p>
<p>Because she thinks they might actually get to stay.</p>
<p>They’ve proved themselves trustworthy. They helped the group, surely that’s enough-</p>
<p>“I need you gone by tomorrow.”</p>
<p>The words are spoken softly as if they should’ve been expected, and Josie’s head whips back to face her.</p>
<p>Hope keeps her eyes trained on the ground, and her voice is quiet as she continues. “It’d be best if you left early in the morning before the others wake up.”</p>
<p>Josie shakes her head in disbelief, feeling her chest cave.“No, please, we’ll... Hope, we’ll die, please don’t-“</p>
<p>“I’m sorry,” Hope says quickly before standing up and heading towards the rest of the group.</p>
<p>And the worst part is- it sounds sincere.</p>
<p>It sounds as if she doesn’t want them to go, but she has no other choice.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Chapter 14</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hiiii sorry for the late update! hope you enjoy &lt;3</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>"It'd be best if you left early in the morning before the others wake up."</em>
</p><p>Hope's not even giving them the benefit of sunlight. She wants them to disappear into the night, with nothing.</p><p>And suddenly that word floats back into her mind.</p><p><em>Cruel</em>. Hope is cruel, and it was dumb to expect her to let them stay.</p><p>The girl that saved them doesn't exist in the leader. That much is clear.</p><p>Josie's arms are stiff around Pedro's sleeping body, and she's trying to breathe. It's so cold and her chest is so tight and they're being sent away.</p><p>The denial that she's been living in is gone because it was all a fantasy.</p><p>Hope told them from the beginning that this is how it would go.</p><p>And she let herself expect more.</p><p>It's her own fault, but at the same time, it isn't.</p><p>This is fucking ridiculous. What more does Hope want?</p><p>She saved her, she saved Pedro, and they contribute to the group.</p><p>They've done everything to convince her, everything to prove that they can be trusted.</p><p>And Hope is sending them away. Like <em>this</em>.</p><p>It's not fair and it isn't right, and she won't do it.</p><p>She won't let Hope kill her family.</p><p>She's wasted so much time apologizing and playing nice, and she's done.</p><p>Hope is being cruel, and two can play that game.</p><p>The leader sits across the roof from her, a blanket wrapped tightly around her body, and she's awake.</p><p>Everyone else seems to have passed out, and Josie is so exhausted, but her life is on the line.</p><p>The second she shifts to lay Pedro down against the blanket and pull away from him, Hope's eyes are on her.</p><p>The look in her eyes is a plead- <em>don't come over here. Let's just leave it be.</em></p><p>But it just angers her more, because how can Hope expect her to just be okay with this?</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope's body is trembling from the cold, and the brunette is approaching her, and this is all too much.</p><p>She can't handle an argument about her decision, because she knows she'll cave in. Her reasoning isn't enough to send innocent people to their death, and she knows that. But she also knows that this all feels too familiar, and it hurts. She can't put herself in this position again.</p><p>"I need to talk to you," Josie says roughly, but she makes sure to keep her voice quiet.</p><p>Hope looks away from her and tightens her hold on the blanket. "It's late. You should get some sleep."</p><p>Josie scoffs. "How do you expect me to do that?"</p><p>She has a point, it's not fair."I don't want to wake up the others," Hope deflects, and it's a weak attempt, and Josie isn't having it.</p><p>"Then let's go downstairs."</p><p>It's clear that she's not backing down, and Hope doesn't have the energy to push. So she gets up without a word and heads down the ramp, overwhelmed by the sound of Josie's footsteps behind her.</p><p>She's close, too close, and she can practically feel the anger emanating from her.</p><p>Rose didn't get angry much. There's a difference between them.</p><p>Hope is trying so desperately to find any difference between the two, she doesn't realize that she's still walking down the long hallway until there's a hand on her shoulder.</p><p>Her body moves on its own to spin around, and her breath catches in her throat when she's face to face with the brunette once again.</p><p>Josie narrows her eyes at the reaction, not understanding what Hope expected, but quickly regains her composure. "I won't wake my family and tell them that this is it. I won't. We've been through too much to die because some selfish-"</p><p>"It's not about me. It's about the safety of my group," Hope interrupts weakly, and she feels her chest tighten. It's a lie.</p><p>"Bullshit," Josie snaps, not believing it for a second. "Sending us out there does nothing to protect you. We could rebuild the gate, defend the camp. We could <em>help</em> you."</p><p>"No." She should've sent Rose away when she originally planned. She didn't, and they all paid the price. And maybe it's unfair to put that on Josie, but she's out of options.</p><p>"Our only intentions are to survive, Hope." Josie's voice comes out softer than before as if she can read her mind and understand that Hope knows that they're the same. "Just like you. We're just trying to make it another day."</p><p>Hope believes her. She believes that they're good people, they've proven it. "It's not personal," she forces out anyway, because Rose was good, too. Better than Hope. And she still did what she did.</p><p>"Our lives are in <em>your</em> hands. It's personal."</p><p>Hope isn't listening, because it all rushes back at once. Rose was a good person. She was kind and fair, and she kept Hope balanced. And she lied. And betrayed everyone. And stabbed Pedro. If that's what it's like when a good person does bad things, what the hell is Hope? She tortured the girl she loved in cold blood as if it were some act of justice.</p><p>And Pedro survived. Rose didn't kill him, and it was never her intention to hurt him.</p><p>How is Hope able to make a decision about the lives of others when she's still being haunted by what she did?</p><p>"Hope."</p><p>The harsh voice yanks the leader from her thoughts and she looks up at the brunette, her vision hazed. "What?"</p><p>Josie fumes, realizing that she hasn't even been listened to when she's literally begging for her life. She takes a step forward, and she swears she sees Hope flinch. "I won't leave here, not like this. I won't."</p><p>And with that, she turns away, and heads back up the ramp, her hands clenched at her side.</p><p>
  <em>Not like this.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Wait, go back."</p><p>"Lizzie, I don't have time to keep explaining this," Josie whispers as the sun rises behind the two of them."Hope told me we have to leave. Before everyone wakes up."</p><p>"Why didn't you wake me up right away, what is she going to do if we're not gone?" Lizzie asks, her eyes widening as she looks around. People are already starting to shift awake.</p><p>"I don't know. I told her we're not leaving and then I kind of just..." Josie hesitates, realizing how stupid she is. "...Walked away? But we can-"</p><p>Lizzie puts a hand on her sister's shoulder and shakes her head, effectively silencing her. "Jo, I love you, please shut up. All we have to do is talk to Sebastian and ask him to request a vote. She probably wants us gone before people wake up because she knows they'll be against it."</p><p>Josie rolls her eyes. "Yeah, that's what I was about to explain before you-"</p><p>"Okay, I'm gonna go find him."</p><p>Lizzie's gone in the next second, leaving Josie speechless and alone. She scoffs to herself, genuinely wondering why she even bothers talking sometimes.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope grips the necklace in her hand, her neck still hurting from when she ripped it off, breaking the thin chain.</p><p>She stands in front of the half-frozen lake, her body shaking from the cold.</p><p>She needs to do the right thing here. She needs to let go of Rose and try. Try to be herself again.</p><p>She's not a cruel person.</p><p>Or maybe she is. But she doesn't want to be.</p><p>Rose is dead, and holding onto this piece of metal won't bring her back. And it won't change what happened.</p><p>Without letting herself give it another thought, she pulls back her arm and throws it across, her heart breaking the second she feels the chain leave her fingertips.</p><p>The bullet lands in the middle of the lake on a thin layer of ice, and it taunts her.</p><p>It's just a scrap of metal. It's a fragment of a bullet, and nothing more.</p><p>It doesn't mean anything.</p><p>She tells herself to walk away. Just walk away.</p><p>It's gone, she can't get it, it's dumb to try.</p><p>Just walk away.</p><p>"Fuck," Hope curses to herself before taking a step onto the ice.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Hi, you like me, right?"</p><p>Sebastian nearly chokes on the water from his cup as Lizzie approaches him out of nowhere. After swallowing and regaining his composure, he turns to her. "Pardon?"</p><p>"You don't want me dead?" Lizzie rephrases and he can't help but smile.</p><p>"No, I don't want you dead, Elizabeth."</p><p>Lizzie grins and grabs his hand, tugging him towards the ledge. "Great. I need you to request a vote. Like now."</p><p>"I can't," Sebastian replies after scanning the rest of the roof. "Hope's not even here."</p><p>Lizzie narrows her eyes and looks around, too, scoffing when she doesn't see her either. "Well, where the fuck is she?"</p><p>Sebastian shrugs. “Sometimes she leaves camp to blow off steam. She should be back soon, and then we can set up a vote. It won't be right away though, we have to go through every option and then-"</p><p>Lizzie groans. "Why can't we just do a quick, raise your hand if you want us to stay, thing?"</p><p>"It has to be anonymous," Sebastian says with a smile, then flashes her a wink. "Don't worry, you have my vote."</p><p>Lizzie rolls her eyes and tries to push away her nerves. "Well, duh," she mumbles and blushes when the boy grins at her again.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>This is a bad idea.</p><p>A very, very bad idea, and Hope knows this and still continues forward.</p><p>The ice cracks gently with each step she takes towards the center of the lake, and she nearly falls through a few times.</p><p>She's too far from stable ground to just turn back now, she has to push forward and make it worth it.</p><p>The ice gets thinner and thinner as she goes, and water is pooling in her boots, making her all the more aware of how cold it is.</p><p>If she doesn't freeze from falling through, she'll probably die from pneumonia when she gets back to camp.</p><p>Her hands are freezing and she can't warm them in her pockets, because she's using them to keep her balance, and this is stupid.</p><p>This is so stupid, what is she doing?</p><p>It's just a necklace.</p><p>An old bullet melted into a cheap chain.</p><p>That's it.</p><p>But she's so close.</p><p>So close, and she can't go back without it.</p><p>She can't go back without it, she can't go back to camp like she went back after killing Rose.</p><p>It's different, completely different, but it feels the same.</p><p>It's not just a necklace.</p><p>It's Rose. It's love and comfort and... it's Hope. It's the only thing that reminds her of herself.</p><p>Her real self, behind the walls.</p><p>Without it, she doesn't know who she is.</p><p>It's only a few steps away, and Hope has to stop herself from just diving desperately for it. She forces herself to take in a deep breath and move forward slowly, carefully-</p><p>She hears the crack too late, hears it as her body is already falling through, and before she can even think, she's submerged in the freezing water.</p><p>Her clothes are heavy, her belt holding two guns and a knife, and the weight is pulling her deeper, and she can barely reach the ice above her.</p><p>Her lungs are already screaming for air as she grasps desperately for something to hold onto, something to keep her from sinking lower, beyond help.</p><p>It takes her a moment to act, for the shock to wear off, and when it does, she moves quickly.</p><p>Her hands fumble at the utility belt around her waist and she tugs and pulls until it finally snaps off and sinks down beneath her. She doesn't try to go after it, because she's out of the air, and she needs to move.</p><p>She uses all her strength to push up, her arms burning as she reaches for the ice.</p><p>Her hand grasps the end of it, but it crumbles before she can use it for leverage.</p><p>Hope's head is pulsing, and she feels as if her body is about to disintegrate into nothingness.</p><p>She pushes more, her eyes squeezed shut as she realizes that this might be the end.</p><p>All for some stupid necklace.</p><p>But then suddenly, her hand grazes another piece of ice, a sturdy one, and her eyes snap open.</p><p>Her throat is burning but she's able to pull herself up, her head finally resurfacing.</p><p>Hope chokes as the air fill her lungs, and her body is completely numb.</p><p>She throws her arms forward and pulls herself up, her whole body now completely out of the water and back on to the unstable ice.</p><p><em>Better than drowning</em>, she thinks to herself, before slowly getting to her feet.</p><p>She'll run back across. She's fast and it's her best chance.</p><p>She's preparing herself, adjusting her stance so she's on the most stable part of the ice, and she's ready-</p><p>And then she catches it, in the corner of her eye. Just a foot away, the bullet.</p><p>She takes in a shaky breath and leans down, grasping it between her fingers.</p><p>She holds it tight and looks forward again.</p><p>And then she runs.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Holy shit," Maya curses as she sees Hope stumbling towards the camp, and she quickly runs down the ramp to meet her at the entrance. "What the fuck happened to you?" she asks as she pulls her inside.</p><p>Hope is completely soaked, her clothes clinging to her shivering body, and her face is beyond pale. “Tried to catch a fish. It outsmarted me," she whispers, her voice trembling from the cold.</p><p>Maya doesn't mention the necklace in her hands that she recognizes all too well, and pulls her to the second floor and throws a blanket over her body. "Stay here, I'll get some more," she says before moving to go to the roof, but Hope stops her.</p><p>"No, I'm going, too. I have to make an announcement."</p><p>Maya shakes her head as the leader moves forward, nearly stumbling over. "Hope, you need to sit down, you're freezing."</p><p>Hope ignores her and moves up the ramp, and avoids the immediately worried glances she gets from the rest of the group as she gets to the roof.</p><p>Ethan moves forward to help her, but she shakes her head and walks to the center before turning to them.</p><p>Her eyes scan the ledge, and she takes in a deep breath when she sees Lizzie and Josie, standing side by side, both visibly terrified.</p><p>She forces herself to turn away and tries her best to keep her voice steady and loud. "We're holding a vote."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Chapter 15</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>clocks? cages? same thing.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josie doesn't know what she expected Hope to say, but it certainly wasn't that.</p><p>And by the looks of it, no one else expected it either.</p><p>The rest of the group are all exchanging looks, and Josie takes the opportunity to turn to Sebastian. "Did you do this?" she asks, causing Lizzie to turn to him as well.</p><p>Sebastian shakes his head, seeming just as confused as the rest of them. "I didn't even get the chance to bring it up."</p><p>"So who requested the vote then?" Lizzie asks, shaking her head as she looks back to the leader, who's being wrapped in another layer of blankets by Maya.</p><p>"Maybe <em>she</em> called for it."</p><p>The words sink in slowly because it doesn't make any sense. Hope wants them gone. Why would she risk her group deciding for them to stay?</p><p>Josie thinks back to last night when Hope apologized after telling her they had to leave. It was genuine, sincere. As if she didn't have a choice.</p><p>"We'll work on the gate today, and when the sun sets, we'll take a vote," Hope calls out to the group, before taking a seat next to the fire for warmth.</p><p>"What if it's a trick?" Lizzie whispers, and both Josie and Sebastian shake their heads.</p><p>"Hope doesn't do that. She's fair," Sebastian replies instantly.</p><p>"It wouldn't make sense to pull some elaborate hoax when she could just send us out with the flick of her wrist," Josie murmurs, studying the leader carefully.</p><p>Something's different about the girl's demeanor. It's changed since last night. Since they talked, the first time.</p><p>Even while telling her that they have to leave, there was a hint of something, outside of the cruelty that she normally shows.</p><p>A hint of guilt. Or sadness. <em>Something</em>.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"So a fish outsmarted you, huh?"</p><p>Hope laughs shakily, her body finally starting to warm up. "Yeah, I've never been the best at fishing."</p><p>Maya nods and glances down at the necklace sitting next to the girl covered in blankets. "Ethan can probably reattach the chain. If you want," she suggests, and it's risky to even mention it, but she doesn't know how else to help.</p><p>Hope hesitates and avoids her gaze. "It's okay." After a moment of silence, she sighs. She's so tired of lying. Of hiding. "I tried to get rid of it."</p><p>"So there's no fish?"</p><p>Hope laughs and shakes her head. "No, there's no fish." She looks to Maya, a grateful glint in her eyes. "I just... couldn't."</p><p>Maya nods. "I get it."</p><p>She gets it. Hope was honest with someone, and they get it. Maya isn't judging her. She's here and she <em>gets it.</em></p><p>Hope has never felt safer here. They're in a dangerous situation, but she finally feels a little less terrified.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Josie's racking her brain, trying desperately to figure out what's going on. Surely she couldn't have actually convinced Hope that she's wrong. The leader is way too headstrong to give in like that.</p><p>If Sebastian didn't suggest the vote, did someone else?</p><p>Why would Hope choose for the decision to be out of her hands?</p><p>"So we have the day to get everyone to like us?"</p><p>Josie tunes into Lizzie and Sebastian's conversation right as she sees him nod in confirmation.</p><p>"The only problem you guys should have is with the circumstance votes. And maybe Maya. She and Hope are close so she'll probably side with her," he explains and Josie turns to him.</p><p>"How many votes are there?"</p><p>"One for each member and four for circumstance."</p><p>Lizzie nods. "So ten?"</p><p>"Hope doesn't get a vote?" Josie interjects and Sebastian sighs.</p><p>"Only if it's a tie. We don't have votes unless Hope is unable to decide on her own. So it doesn't fall on her unless absolutely necessary.” He seems to be worried and it’s definitely not helping Josie’s nerves.</p><p>“You think it might be a tie,” she says slowly and Lizzie scoffs.</p><p>“No way. People will want us to stay.”</p><p>Sebastian doesn’t respond, just runs a hand through his hair nervously, before clearing his throat. “I should check the buckets, try to get them boiled down for drinking water.”</p><p>With that, he walks off, leaving Josie and Lizzie more nervous than ever.</p><p>Maybe this vote isn’t their best chance at survival after all.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope’s exhaustion catches up to her, and it’s not long before she passes out next to the bonfire, the warmth comforting her.</p><p>She feels a small body lean against her and immediately knows it’s Pedro. She wraps her arms around him tightly, keeping him secure. Safe. In her arms, nothing will ever happen to him.</p><p>The chaos around them doesn’t disturb the two, because for once, Hope feels a weight lifted from her shoulders. It’s not her decision anymore.</p><p>She’s not choosing who lives and who dies.</p><p>It’s up to everyone else, and it’s so relieving.</p><p>No more guilt or blame. This vote will decide things, and Hope will let it.</p><p>She doesn’t know how much time passes, but when she feels the boy shift in her arms, she forces her eyes open to check on him.</p><p>He yawns and stretches and she can’t help but smile before looking around to check on the rest of the group. They’re all around the ledge, Ethan aiming his crossbow at the ground, trying to catch something as everyone watches. She can hear people laughing and it seems like they’re taking bets on what he’ll catch.</p><p>It’s been a while since they’ve had this type of... peace. Her gaze searches for a moment, not seeing the newcomers, before it stops on the three of them in the corner of the roof, talking quietly.</p><p>They’re stressed. They have the right to be. Their lives are being decided, and they can’t do anything about it.</p><p>Hope tries to shake away her guilt and returns her attention back to Pedro.</p><p>“How’d you sleep?” she asks gently, combing his hair back from his face.</p><p>Pedro yawns again and giggles. “Good. I dreamt of clocks.”</p><p>Hope laughs lightly and narrows her eyes. “Clocks?”</p><p>He nods. “And cages,” he adds before his face drops into a serious look. “They’re the same, y’know.”</p><p>It’s odd the way he says it, so matter of fact, and Hope is beyond confused. She decides to go along with it and nods. “Yeah, I suppose they are.”</p><p>
  <em>Clocks and cages.</em>
</p><p>“Morning,” Maya jokes as she approaches them, and it’s only then that Hope realizes the sun is already setting. She slept the whole day.</p><p>“Shit, sorry,” she murmurs, standing up quickly. “Didn’t mean to doze off for that long.”</p><p>“It’s cool, all’s good. The vote’s coming up soon, though.”</p><p>The reminder makes Hope’s heart drop, but she ignores it. “Right. Okay. Go get the supplies, I’ll gather everyone.”</p><p>Maya nods before heading down the ramp and Hope’s gaze slowly goes to Josie and her family.</p><p>Without thinking, she walks over to them, only realizing she doesn’t know what to say when she’s standing next to the brunette.</p><p>Josie’s eyes are red and she’s been crying, and Lizzie is talking in a hushed whisper to her father.</p><p>The look in the brunette’s eyes makes the guilt surge in Hope’s chest. “Hey,” she says quietly, only gaining Josie’s attention.</p><p>She just nods in response and sniffles, clearly not wanting to have a conversation with the person who’s basically killing her family.</p><p>Hope clears her throat softly and leans back against the ledge. “The vote’s starting soon.”</p><p>“Great,” Josie mutters, before turning her attention to Lizzie. “We should go sit by Sebastian.”</p><p>Her sister nods and they start to head over to the other side of the roof, but Hope’s hand reaches out at the last second, catching Josie by the wrist.</p><p>Hope loosens her grip the second she realizes what she did, but Josie’s already turned back to her, her eyes narrowed.</p><p>“What?”</p><p>Hope shakes her head because she has nothing to say. She wants to comfort her in some way, ease her nerves- but she can’t. It isn’t up to her anymore. She swallows thickly and then looks away. “Just wanted to say... Good luck.”</p><p>It’s clearly not the right thing at this moment, and Josie scoffs before walking away.</p><p>Hope shakes it off and makes her way to the bonfire, right as Maya returns with small slips of paper and pens.</p><p>“Everyone take a seat. Voting starts in five minutes.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>It’s a tangible silence as the papers are passed out and people scribble their votes along it.</p><p>It’s simple, straightforward.</p><p><em>Stay</em> or <em>leave</em>.</p><p>The majority vote wins, no exceptions.</p><p>Hope sits next to Pedro, her hands clenched on her lap as she watches him write <em>stay</em> in his messy handwriting.</p><p>She knew this would be his answer, but it doesn’t make it any easier to see.</p><p>Pedro also voted for Rose.</p><p>A few minutes pass before Maya walks around the fire and collects the papers before handing them to Hope in a neat pile.</p><p>Hope adds in the circumstance votes and stands up quietly.</p><p>The air is tense, the crackling fire loud in everyone’s ears as they wait.</p><p>Hope begins unfolding the papers, slowly counting each vote in her head.</p><p>
  <em>Stay.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Stay.</em>
</p><p><em>Stay</em>.</p><p><em>Stay</em>.</p><p>
  <em>Stay.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leave.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Leave.</em>
</p><p><em>Leave</em>.</p><p>Hope’s heart sinks as she recounts them because this can’t be happening.</p><p>It can’t be a tie.</p><p>It can’t all fall back on her.</p><p>The whole point of the vote is to avoid deciding on her own.</p><p>And now she has to.</p><p>Her eyes lift slowly, scanning the group as they all watch intently, waiting.</p><p>And then her gaze lands back on Josie. The brunette’s eyes are watering, the flicker of the bonfire illuminating the tears along her cheek. She’s afraid. Terrified.</p><p>She’s terrified and Hope wishes she could take it away. Take away all the fear and bring her reassurance.</p><p>But how can she?</p><p>How can she tell them it’s a tie, that it’s up to her?</p><p>Her choice is already made, it was made from the start.</p><p>They’re leaving, they have to.</p><p>This wasn’t how this was supposed to go.</p><p>Josie’s eyes burn into hers and Hope can’t speak.</p><p>She can’t say it.</p><p>Saying it’s a tie is sealing their fate.</p><p>Because her vote has to be <em>leave</em>.</p><p>It’s the only answer that makes sense.</p><p>She opens her mouth to say it, to tell them it’s a tie. It’s a tie and she has to choose. And her choice is for them to leave.</p><p>It’s no longer Josie’s eyes burning into hers, but Rose’s. Rose is staring at her, waiting. </p><p>Asking, <em>will you kill me again? Will you murder in cold blood and lose yourself? Again?</em></p><p>But then the voice taunts her.</p><p>
  <em>Will you trust me again? Will you let me do it all- betray you and hurt you and break your heart- again?</em>
</p><p>Hope doesn’t know. She doesn’t know, and she doesn’t want to know. She doesn’t want to choose. She can’t have it be in her hands anymore. She can’t kill. Not again.</p><p>She prepares herself to say this, to tell everyone that there needs to be a recount. She prepares herself and opens her mouth and pushes it past her lips. But when she speaks, her voice doesn’t sound real. “Stay,” she breathes out as if she’s calling out to herself, begging to be known again. “The majority votes are stay.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. Chapter 16</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>Hope doesn't return to camp for two days, and when she does, she's covered in blood.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The group doesn't say a word about it and watches as Hope goes into the infirmary, where Pedro lies.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Breathing. Alive.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They watch as their leader falls to her knees in front of his cot, watch as her world seems to crumble before her eyes.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maya knows what happened, just by her reaction to seeing the boy alive.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She killed Rose. She didn't know Pedro survived, and she killed Rose.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maya expects the worst. Expects the girl to turn around and run, leave, scream, break.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>But she doesn't.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hope stays by Pedro's side and doesn't leave. Doesn't speak. Doesn't sleep.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She just watches him. Waits for him to open his eyes. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And when he does, she still stays.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>They're all afraid, they all expect the worst. He's not stable, he's far from it. It's a miracle that he survived this long.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And if he dies, what will happen? They'll not only have to mourn the loss of Rose but Pedro, too. And ultimately, Hope.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>When Pedro drifts off into a silent sleep, Hope watches and waits again, waits to make sure he wakes up.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It becomes a routine.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Maya leads the group for two weeks as Hope watches the boy and grieves.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Everyone pretends not to hear her screams throughout the night, the sound of her fists hitting every object she sees, the sound of her tears hitting the pavement.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>People pretend and wait because that's what they were told to do.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Rose never existed.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hope is grieving, and the only thing they can do is pretend.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Weeks pass, and things begin to calm down.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She still stays next to Pedro's cot every night, but it's clear that she doesn't sleep. She just waits for him to wake up again.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>The nights grow quiet and the group starts to feel better. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Rose never existed. Pedro is recovering. Hope is their strong, fearless leader, and she's okay. They're all okay.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Hope tells them this, announces it to them around the bonfire.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And she tells them, promises them that she'll protect everyone with her life. She tells them that there'll be no more newcomers. Their group is full, whole. This is it, no more.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>She won't let history repeat itself.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And then, a week later, Hope leaves for the night.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span><em>And when she returns, there's a girl in her arms, and two strangers by her side</em>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Everything happens quickly. Maya leads the newcomers downstairs and shows them where they’ll be able to set up camp and have their own space- not yet, of course. They still have to repair the gate, but Josie’s grateful that it’s already being planned.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They’re staying. Actually staying.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The thought doesn’t seem real. How did they go from being told to leave with only a few hour's notice to… this.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Staying. </span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And maybe it makes sense because it wasn’t up to Hope. It was decided by the rest of the group.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>If Hope had a say in it, they would be gone in an instant. She knows that for a fact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She knows this, which makes it all the more confusing when Hope passes them without a word, going down to the first floor and out the exit before anyone has the chance to question her.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maya watches as the leader leaves but then turns her attention back to the family.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We can get you guys some more blankets on our next run. I’m just not sure when that’ll be.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She says it in an apologetic tone, and Josie imagines the cold nights. But regardless, she’s grateful. She’d be grateful if they had to spend the entirety of their time on the roof, forever. It’s freezing, but it’s safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that’s more than Josie ever expected to feel during the apocalypse. Safe.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she still feels as if none of this is real. Things changed so quickly and so much. Last night she was prepared to spend her last moments with her family. Prepared to be sent away, back into the cold. The walker-infested streets with nowhere to hide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There’s nothing worse than knowing you’re going to die, and just… waiting. Because it’s out of your hands. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie was prepared to return to the fear and the starvation and the cold of trying to survive out there, and then it all changed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hope called for a vote and people voted for them to stay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And that’s just… it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>At least that’s what they’re being told. It seems odd that they’re just accepted into the group now and being given an area to get comfortable.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>As if Hope didn’t threaten them just days before. As if Hope didn’t constantly tell them that it’s temporary.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe it’s paranoia, but Josie doesn’t buy it. She doesn’t believe that Hope could just… change her mind.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Lizzie doesn’t seem to share that same skepticism, seeing how she’s already planning how to decorate their section of the garage as if they have anything to use.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They don’t have any belongings. No photos, no trinkets from their past- nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie and her family weren’t lucky when everything went down.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They didn’t get the chance to pack and prepare like most of the people here. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They left their home, their lives, with nothing.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe we could hang posters along this wall,” Lizzie continues, holding her hands out to jokingly measure the space they have, which is limited. </span>
  <span>“Maybe just one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Josie’s not used to being the cynical one, but she can’t help but feel annoyed. How is Lizzie so comfortable here? How is she able to make jokes so soon, as if there’s nothing to worry about anymore?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She bites her tongue- she doesn’t want to ruin this for her sister- and excuses herself quietly, making her way back up to the roof.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sebastian’s holding a bucket over the fire, boiling down the ice inside before moving to the next one.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She approaches him and takes a seat along a log, before reaching her hands out near the flame for some warmth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not supposed to say anything,” Sebastian suddenly speaks up, and Josie quickly looks up at him. </span>
  <span>“I wanted to just let you guys enjoy this, get a chance to relax for a bit.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What is it?” Josie asks, waiting to hear that they can’t really stay, that none of this is real.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sebastian sets down the bucket and takes a seat next to her. </span>
  <span>“You guys aren’t officially in just yet, though I’m sure you suspected as much.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Right,” Josie murmurs, hearing the confirmation making her heart drop.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“We all had a waiting period. Like a trial run. It lasts a month. Prove your trust, make a place for yourselves here, and then at the end of the month, usually at our bonfire party, we take another vote. It’ll be more laid back, just a simple tally to make sure everyone feels safe with you all living here permanently.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So this isn’t official.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Sebastian shakes his head and hands her a cup from the cooled down and now clean water. </span>
  <span>“Not yet. Just be careful, and be yourself. Hope won’t let you stay just because you follow the rules and kiss up to her and the group. As I’m sure you've noticed, we’ve had some stuff happen in the past.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Okay,” Josie nods and takes a drink, the lukewarm water coating her dry throat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Maybe don’t tell Elizabeth or your father. I just wanted to let you know, since I’m sure you would’ve dug around and found out sooner or later.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He’s right. She would’ve, and that would only get her into more trouble. She’s spent most of her time here accidentally finding out things that she’s not supposed to know.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And she has the sinking feeling that it’s going to ruin things when she learns the full truth.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>-</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>Hope stands just outside the camp, her hands grazing along the broken-in gate.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She’s searching desperately for an answer, an explanation as to why she did what she did. This could’ve been it, she could’ve chosen for them to leave and they would be <em>gone</em>. Josie would be gone, along with every reminder of Rose.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hope knows her reasoning is flawed, because it’s not about protecting her group anymore, it’s about the brunette that reminds her too much of her past.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maybe that’s why she lied. Maybe that’s why she’s letting them stay. She knows it’s not fair. Josie isn’t Rose, and she doesn’t deserve to suffer for what happened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The decision still feels foreign in her mind, because Hope was ready to send them away. She had swallowed her guilt enough to make the choice, and instead of sticking to it, she changed her mind completely- and she doesn’t even know why. She has theories, but she should have more than theories about why she does the things she does.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t know who she is anymore, and she hates questioning it all so much. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mind if I join you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hope shakes her head before turning around to face her friend. </span>
  <span>“You shouldn’t be out here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maya shrugs and leans against a stable piece of the gate. </span>
  <span>“Neither should you. Figured I’d at least try and honor the buddy system.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hope can’t really argue without sounding like a hypocrite, so she settles for a nod.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Maya doesn’t let the silence continue for long, because she’s been racking her brain trying to understand what happened at the vote, and now she knows. “</span>
  <span>It was a tie,” she says, and it’s not a question. It’s the only thing that makes sense. She didn’t vote for them to stay, and the circumstance votes were against them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No,” Hope lies, clenching her fist at the thought. She begs internally for Maya to leave it be, because she knows. They both know that Hope made the choice, and neither of them understand it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m on your side, Hope,” Maya says softly after a moment, before turning to reenter the camp. </span>
  <span>“I just need to know where you stand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Hope listens as the footsteps fade away behind her and lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She doesn’t know where she stands. She thought she did, but now here she is- letting people in, letting it all happen again right before her eyes.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. Chapter 17</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Josie's fears don't subside as the next few days pass, despite how kind everyone's being about them being here.</p>
<p>Because Hope barely acknowledges them, doesn't interact in any way unless absolutely necessary. This terrifies Josie because it's practically proof that the leader doesn't want them there. It's like she's still waiting for a chance to kick them out. Who knows if the vote even means anything- what's to stop Hope from just forcing them out?</p>
<p>They all work on the gate from the time the sun rises until it sets, making it layers thick and strong enough to prevent any other break-ins. They add spears along the ground so the brain-dead walkers will get caught on them.</p>
<p>It's a strategy the Saltzman's have seen all over, each camp they've passed having a similar trap. Of course, it only works on the dead, so many other things still pose a threat.</p>
<p>At dinner on the third night since the vote, everyone's given a smaller portion of food.</p>
<p>There's whispering as everyone's being served, and they all know what this means.</p>
<p>Supply is running low.</p>
<p>Josie and her father sit in silence along the ramp as they eat, and they seem to be thinking the same thing because it's not long before Alaric speaks up.</p>
<p>"I won't let her just kick us out, Josette." It's a whisper and it's a lie.</p>
<p>He won't be able to do anything to stop it. None of them can.</p>
<p>Josie just nods and lifts her gaze to watch her sister- smiling and laughing with Sebastian, without a care in the world.</p>
<p>She wishes she could retreat back into her denial, but she can't.</p>
<p>Ever since that night, when Hope told her they had to leave before the sun rose- that ended the fantasy.</p>
<p>This is the apocalypse, and good and bad people don't exist. Just survivors. Hope doesn't owe them anything, and Josie knows for a fact that if it was up to the leader, she would've chosen for them to leave.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Josie's walking along the hallway, heading towards her family's section, when she hears familiar voices whispering, arguing above her.</p>
<p>She takes a few steps back towards the ramp leading to the roof, her curiosity growing when she realizes it's Hope and Maya.</p>
<p>"I'm not leaving two of them here while I'm gone," Hope's voice suddenly cuts in, and Josie hears Maya sigh.</p>
<p>"You can't go out there alone with all three of them. This is the safest option. With two of them here, we still overpower them. We'll be fine."</p>
<p>Josie quickly catches on. They're talking about her and her family.</p>
<p>"Keep them separated then. I don't want them getting any ideas, planning some raid."</p>
<p>Josie has to bite her tongue to keep herself from scoffing. As if they're in any condition to plan a <em>raid</em>.</p>
<p>"We'll be careful. I'm more worried about you. The highway is littered with cars, who knows who or what could be hiding in them. It's not safe."</p>
<p><em>The highway</em>. Josie's breath catches in her throat, just the thought of going through that walker-infested zone terrifying her. Alaric made sure that whenever they moved camp they wouldn't have to cross any interstates. It's a known thing to avoid them. It's the most dangerous place. Open, with nowhere to hide.</p>
<p>"It's our only option right now. I'll take one of the newcomers and two others, and we'll be back before sunset."</p>
<p>Footsteps are approaching the ramp and Josie quickly continues forward, practically sprinting to get out of sight before Hope and Maya come down.</p>
<p>Her leg cramps up right as she turns the corner, and before she has the chance to grab onto something, she's tumbling to the ground.</p>
<p>"Fuck," she curses, trying to stand up hurriedly, grasping onto the wall for support. She finally manages to get up and keep her balance, and she immediately senses someone behind her. She turns, swallowing thickly when she sees the leader glaring at her.</p>
<p>Josie can tell by the look in her eyes that she knows. Hope knows she was listening in.</p>
<p>Josie waits for her to say something or yell, but Hope just walks away, without a word.</p>
<p>The brunette wishes she'd have screamed at her, gotten angry, <em>something</em>.</p>
<p>But Hope's giving her absolutely nothing.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>The next morning, Hope makes the announcement.</p>
<p>"We're going on a supply run. It'll be quick, just ten miles east. There's a supermarket."</p>
<p>"I thought we raided all the markets nearby," Ethan quickly interjects.</p>
<p>There's a moment of hesitation before Hope continues. "Most of them. Except for two, because I wanted to avoid the highway."</p>
<p>"We're going through the highway?" Kym asks, and the fear is evident in her voice. Concerned glances are shared throughout the group and Hope sighs.</p>
<p>"It's our only option right now."</p>
<p>"It'll be deserted, there's no way people haven't taken everything yet."</p>
<p>"That's a chance we'll have to take," Hope says because this is their only opportunity. It'll keep getting colder, and things will only get worse. “We don't have enough bullets to risk it out there, especially on the highway where there's always a herd nearby. Knives and spears only. Jed made some for us."</p>
<p>Jed takes this as a cue and begins passing out wooden planks, sharpened to a fine point.</p>
<p>"I'll be taking three people with me," Hope continues as everyone inspects their new weapons. "Maya's in charge until we get back. Jed, are you okay to go back out there?"</p>
<p>The boy nods. Hope makes a mental note to keep an eye on him.</p>
<p>"Alright. Ethan, you too. And I'll be taking a newcomer as well."</p>
<p>"What?" Alaric questions, immediately turning to his daughters.</p>
<p>Josie feigns shock, but it doesn't seem to pull the right effect because Lizzie's eyeing her suspiciously.</p>
<p>"We need the extra hands to carry as many supplies as possible, and I'm not leaving all three of you here alone with my group."</p>
<p>Lizzie scoffs. "Why just one of us then?"</p>
<p>"Because I also don't trust three of you out there where we're most vulnerable."</p>
<p>"We've proven our trust," Josie jumps in, and Hope's icy glare turns to her.</p>
<p>"No, you haven’t. But I’m giving you the chance to now," she replies coldly.</p>
<p>Josie holds her glare. "Fine, then <em>I'll</em> go."</p>
<p>Both Alaric and Hope interject immediately, the word coming out simultaneously. "No."</p>
<p>"I'm not letting you go out there with them," Alaric whispers to his daughter, and Josie shakes her head.</p>
<p>"We'll all be separated at some point anyway, Dad."</p>
<p>Hope takes a step towards them, letting out a short scoff. "Not you. Your leg will slow us down."</p>
<p>"It's better," Josie grits out.</p>
<p>Hope's about to argue when she meets Maya's gaze.</p>
<p>Her friend's giving her a look, and she already knows what she's telling her.</p>
<p>
  <em>Give them a chance.</em>
</p>
<p>"We leave in an hour."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Josie's gearing up, throwing on a jacket that Maya gave her when her father pulls her aside.</p>
<p>"I'll be safe, I promise," she starts, but he shakes his head.</p>
<p>"I know you will. I need you to do something for me while you're out there," he whispers, looking around them cautiously before continuing. "You need to get a knife. Or a gun. Any weapon you can snag without anyone noticing."</p>
<p><em>Without anyone noticing. </em>"Are we going to raid them?" Josie asks, her voice a whisper. They've done it before, to another group awhile back. Granted, they were about to be fed to walkers and it was an act of self-defense, but still- Josie never felt right stealing from other survivors.</p>
<p>"No. But I don't trust them, and we need protection. Just in case."</p>
<p>Josie feels sick to her stomach just thinking about it, but doesn't have the chance to say anything to her father before Hope comes to tell her it's time to go.</p>
<p>There's no way she'll be able to get a weapon without the leader seeing. Hope's already watching her like a hawk and they're barely a step out the front gate.</p>
<p>The cool air hits them as soon as the gate is closed behind them, and the atmosphere is tense as they prepare themselves.</p>
<p>Hope grips onto her spear tightly and nods ahead. "Let's go."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. Chapter 18</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is a two part chapter bc it was getting long and it’s gonna get more intense in the next part. anyway this was fun to write skdj</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The soft snow crunches under the group's feet as they walk, the sound of their footsteps being the only thing distracting Hope from the growls growing near.</p>
<p>No one speaks a word for the first hour and it's not until they're perched at the railing that Hope finally speaks up.</p>
<p>"We'll walk back to back. Keep your voices low, and keep as much distance as you can from cars," she whispers, before pointing ahead at a green highway sign a couple of hundred feet in front of them. "We'll take this for nine miles, then get off at exit twelve."</p>
<p>"Are we scavenging?" Jed asks, keeping his voice low.</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head. "We need as much room to pack when we get to the market.”</p>
<p>Josie keeps this in mind. Maybe if the rest of them are distracted, she can snatch a knife from an abandoned car. It's most likely the only chance she'll have.</p>
<p>Hope jumps over the railing and adjusts her bag on her back, before waving them forward.</p>
<p>They're on a bridge, and the only way off the highway now is back from where they came or over the railing, which is a dangerous drop- so this is basically the point of no return.</p>
<p>Ethan follows, then Josie, and Jed falls back a little to cover them from behind as they approach the road.</p>
<p>The entirety of the highway that they can see is littered with cars, and Josie feels her stomach tighten when they pass one on its side, with a walker hanging out the windshield, growling as it reaches to grab at them.</p>
<p>Ethan stabs it through the head with his spear and continues moving, and Hope motions to her left.</p>
<p>He moves to the other side of her and keeps up his pace, leaving Josie alongside Jed behind them.</p>
<p>"You should catch up," Jed whispers to her, nodding to the right of Hope. "She'll want you in her sight."</p>
<p>Josie nods and jogs forward a few steps until she's just behind Hope, only a little to her side, her leg practically brushing against the girl's spear.</p>
<p>Hope side-eyes her for a second before returning her attention forward.</p>
<p>"Got two over here," Ethan calls out quietly, and Hope gives him a nod as he stabs one in the brain, and pushes the other over the railing, watching it fall to its (final) death.</p>
<p>Josie grips onto the sharpened plank in her hand and forces herself to concentrate. One wrong move out here and it's over.</p>
<p>Another hour passes in silence, and when they reach a section of the highway that's less crowded with walkers, Ethan speaks up. “I'm thinking we look for some baking supplies, make a cake or something."</p>
<p>"Or maybe hot chocolate. For Christmas," Jed adds, laughing gently.</p>
<p>"If we get back and I see that all you guys packed were cans of chocolate powder, I'll beat you with it," Hope jokes, throwing them each a playful look as they continue on.</p>
<p>Ethan holds his arms out in mock surrender. "Death by chocolate? With how things are right now, that seems like the most peaceful way to go."</p>
<p>Josie lets out a laugh, feeling her nerves settle at the lightheartedness of this all. "Yeah, until we use that same can to make a nice holiday drink," she quips, and for a moment she's worried she's crossed a line by making a joke like that, but it's not long before the boys laugh again and Ethan shoves her playfully.</p>
<p>"Damn, ruthless. Would you at least wash my blood off it?"</p>
<p>"Adds flavor," Hope suddenly cuts in, and Josie tries to hide her surprise when she sees that the leader is smiling.</p>
<p>It's the first time she's seen her smile, and it actually seems genuine. Josie clearly doesn't hide it well, because Hope's brows furrow when she turns to her, her smile quickly fading.</p>
<p>The brunette looks away and forces her attention elsewhere.</p>
<p>Jed and Ethan continue joking around as they continue on, and Josie's leg is slowly starting to flare up.</p>
<p>Each step she takes sends a surge of pain through her thigh, and it's becoming harder and harder to keep moving at the pace that Hope's set. She slows down, just a little, just to put less wait on her left leg, and Hope stops only a few feet ahead when she sees the girl fall behind.</p>
<p>"You said it was better," Hope says firmly, and it almost sounds like an accusation. As if Josie lied as if she's intentionally trying to slow them down.</p>
<p>Jed and Ethan stop, too, and take the chance to set their bags down.</p>
<p>Josie does a quick look over the car beside her and when she determines it empty, she leans her body against it, bending her leg to release the strain. "It is. I just need a second."</p>
<p>Hope sighs and she's clearly irritated, but she leans against the one across from her, using the opportunity for a water break. "Ten minutes."</p>
<p>"Can we search around a little? Just in trunks?" Ethan asks.</p>
<p>When everything happened, people were frantic and packed their bags, hoping to escape to somewhere safe. Of course, that somewhere doesn't exist, so most cars have some sort of luggage in them from the dead passengers.</p>
<p>Hope hesitates and looks around for a moment, making sure there's nothing nearby, before nodding. "Stay within sight and call out if you see anything."</p>
<p>"Got it." Ethan and Jed immediately start heading down the street to some of the abandoned cars and begin rummaging through them for supplies.</p>
<p>"Stay here, I'll be a few cars down," Hope murmurs to Josie before heading in the other direction and beginning a search of her own.</p>
<p>Josie swallows thickly and wishes she'd asked for a drink of water before everyone went off, but forces herself to stay focused. This is her chance. She most likely won't be left alone like this again.</p>
<p>
  <em>Any weapon you can snag without anyone noticing.</em>
</p>
<p>She can hear windows breaking in the distance, from everyone scrambling to find supplies, but there seems to be enough distance between her and the others.</p>
<p>Josie leans down and peers into the car she's next to, quickly averting her gaze when she sees the limp body laying along the backseat.</p>
<p>She quietly makes her way over to the car ahead, the window already shattered in.</p>
<p>There's a suitcase on the seat, half opened with clothes spilling out. A walker sits in the front, still strapped in by a seatbelt, snarling and scratching at the dashboard.</p>
<p>Josie takes one last look around to make sure Hope or the boys can't see her, before reaching her arm through the window. A piece of glass clings to her sleeve but she ignores it as she reaches further, trying to get the suitcase closer.</p>
<p>Her fingers grasp the edge of it and she pulls, the bag slowly sliding over.</p>
<p>As soon as it's close enough to open fully, Josie rummages through it, looking for a knife, bullet casings, <em>anything</em>.</p>
<p>But it's just clothes. Not even a jacket, just summer outfits, and a bathing suit- clearly this person had the right priorities when preparing for the apocalypse.</p>
<p>She groans and pulls out of the car, a gasp escaping her lips as a hand covers her mouth right as she's fully out of the car.</p>
<p>"Quiet," a harsh voice mutters into her ear before she's practically dragged backward, and Josie immediately recognizes it as the Hope. She still struggles against her grip, but it only tightens until she stops moving. "Get under the car."</p>
<p>Josie spins around as soon as she's let go and points her spear out at the leader, her blood boiling. "What the fuck was that?"</p>
<p>Hope grabs the spear and yanks it from her grip. “Keep your voice down," she warns, and Josie can't help but scoff.</p>
<p>"You just dragged me for no reason, how else am I supposed to react?"</p>
<p>Hope shoves the spear back into her hands angrily and crouches down behind the car. "Clearly not for no reason because you're still being too fucking loud. Look."</p>
<p>Josie's brows furrow and she turns where Hope's pointing, and gasps when she sees a small herd approaching the street, only a hundred feet away. They're not making much noise, and those are always the most dangerous. "Couldn't have just told me that?" she asks, her voice shaking as she sees that there are at least twenty walkers that she can see.</p>
<p>"I told you to stay put," Hope mutters nods to the car. "Hide under here. I'm going to go find Jed and Ethan."</p>
<p>Hope's already starting to walk away, keeping her feet light along the snow, but Josie stops her. "Wait, I can help."</p>
<p>Hope takes a step towards her, keeping her voice low as she meets her eyes. “No. I'll be back, stay here."</p>
<p>Josie wants to argue, but she can see the slight fear in the girl's gaze, and she knows that fighting won't help this situation. So she settles down on the ground and slides underneath the car without a word.</p>
<p>Hope gives her a nod before moving forward, heading in the direction that the boys wandered off in.</p>
<p>She figures there was a better way to keep Josie quiet than to drag her back, but she doesn't care. She won't let a newcomer ruin everything and get them all killed."We've got a herd!" she whisper-shouts, keeping her eyes on the ground, hoping they've already taken cover under a car.</p>
<p>There's no sign of them, and she feels worry building in her chest as the soft growls get louder.</p>
<p>"Jed! Eth-" Hope's cut off when a hand wraps around her ankle and pulls her down, her body crashing onto the cold snow. Her head slams forward, through the thin layer of snow and hits the concrete.</p>
<p>She kicks at the grip and flips over, meeting the eyes of the walker grasping at her.</p>
<p>Hope grips onto her spear and hurls it forward, the wood entering the decomposing shoulder in front of her. The grip loosens from her leg and she quickly scrambles up, smashing her foot down into the walker's head as soon as she regains her balance.</p>
<p>The growling behind her is getting closer, and when she turns, she sees why.</p>
<p>The herd sees her, and they can smell her blood. Hope brings her hand up to wipe her forehead, but the blood streams down her face anyway.</p>
<p>She curses to herself and climbs onto the hood of the car and holds her spear out, knowing that sneaking by is no longer an option. "Run for the exit!" she shouts as loud as she can, begging for the others to hear her and escape off the highway before the herd closes in.</p>
<p>She'll be the distraction and then she'll fight her way out. It's the only option now.</p>
<p>"We're not leaving you behind!" a voice suddenly calls out, and Hope turns to see Jed by her side, scrambling to get up on the car with her.</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head and shoves him back. "<em>Run</em>. It's just off the exit, I'll meet you there."</p>
<p>Jed starts to protest, but Hope's giving him the look that tells him that there's no point.</p>
<p>He backs away hesitantly and begins heading forward, closer to the herd.</p>
<p>"Get Ethan and Josie, I'll distract!" she calls out, before slamming her foot down into the windshield, effectively shattering it and causing the herd to growl louder and move towards her, their attention completely on her. "Come on, fuckers," she murmurs and tightens her grip around her knife and spear.</p>
<p>The herd approaches the car and she's surrounded within seconds, a couple already reaching to grab at her while others attempt to get on top of the hood.</p>
<p>She kicks one down, stabs another through the head, each one dropping and another taking its place just moments later.</p>
<p>There are too many, and now Hope's stuck.</p>
<p>She looks around frantically, letting out a breath of relief when she doesn't see Ethan, Jed, or Josie. That means they made a run for it, which means they're safe.</p>
<p>Hope can die here, like this, and everyone at camp will still be okay.</p>
<p>She doesn't plan on dying, of course, but it gives her a new reassurance. Now she can do everything she can to save her ass while knowing that everyone is safe.</p>
<p>She stabs another walker through the head before jumping off the car, onto its shoulders so it crashes to the ground. The herd closes in on her and she hits the ground, using all her strength to pull the now fully-dead walker on top of her as cover.</p>
<p>She stabs her knife through the rotting skin above her and lets the blood spill onto her. This is a tactic that she's used before and has since done everything in her power to avoid, for obvious reasons.</p>
<p>It's fucking disgusting and horrible to wash off, but it disguises human scent, camouflages it with rotting blood that the walkers recognize as their own.</p>
<p>Hope holds her breath, trying not to hurl, and then rolls out from underneath the body and rams through the rest of the herd, knocking a few to the ground and causing a few others to follow after her.</p>
<p>But it works. The majority of the herd stays near the other body, not realizing that she slipped out.</p>
<p>She can't run, not without blowing her cover, she moves swiftly, trying to get away from the few stragglers to avoid drawing more attention to herself.</p>
<p>Two of them stick with her, and they're close, too close- but Hope can't kill them. If the herd realizes she's alive, they'll follow her to the market. She needs to draw their attention elsewhere so she doesn't endanger the others.</p>
<p>One of the walkers stumbles closer, growling and reaching for her, but not attacking. She tries to stay calm, but the smell of rotting flesh is in her lungs and it's coming closer and she can't breathe.</p>
<p>She's about to drive her knife through its skull when there's a crash behind them, and then a car alarm goes off.</p>
<p>It's loud, and it draws the walker away from her, in the direction that they came, and when Hope tries to see what caused it to go off, she sees a blur of brown hair rushing past the cars, towards her.</p>
<p>Josie.</p>
<p>The girl approaches her and Hope starts off on a run alongside her, both heading in the direction of the exit now.</p>
<p>"Good thinking," Hope gasps out, and they're nearly there- Jed and Ethan are waiting alongside the railing, shoving what looks to be jackets and shoes into their bags.</p>
<p>"There was a bus, they raided it while I went back to set a distraction," Josie responds, panting as they come to a stop next to the boys.</p>
<p>Hope turns to face her, knowing this would be a good time to say <em>thank you</em>, but she can't help but feel angry. "I told you to stay put."</p>
<p>Josie nearly laughs in disbelief. "Well, I didn't. You're welcome."</p>
<p>"We should get going," Jed speaks up, trying to settle the tension as the two girls glare at each other. "We only have a few hours before sunset."</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. Chapter 19</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Six hours pass and there's still no sign of Hope and others, and Maya's trying to hide her concern.</p>
<p>And it doesn't help that Pedro stays on the roof with her, constantly asking when they'll be back.</p>
<p>She can only say, <em>in just a bit, bud</em>, so many times before he realizes she has no idea.</p>
<p>By the tenth-ish time in the past hour of him asking, Kym comes to her rescue, telling him that there's dessert downstairs- which in reality is just the last of their stale bread.</p>
<p>When he takes the bait and runs down the ramp, Kym approaches Maya at the ledge.</p>
<p>"Sebastian offered to go out, see if he can meet them halfway in case they need help carrying supplies," she says, and Maya shakes her head.</p>
<p>"They'll be back soon, no point in putting more of us in danger."</p>
<p>Kym hesitates and lets out a quiet sigh. "Yeah, I know, I just... I'm just not ready to lose anyone else. Not yet."</p>
<p>Maya turns to her friend apologetically, trying her best to feign a reassuring smile. "We won't. Hope never takes risks out there, she won't let anything bad happen," she assures, and she immediately sees the doubt in Kym's face. "Look, I don't trust the newcomers either, but Hope will make sure it doesn't interfere with our safety."</p>
<p>"It's not that," Kym murmurs, looking away. "They seem like good people, it's just... this all happened so fast. We just lost Rose and..." she hesitates at her mistake, knowing that saying the girl's name is against an unspoken rule that they've all agreed to. She takes a deep breath and continues. "We've lost a lot of people, so I guess I wouldn't be surprised if when they return, Josie isn't with them."</p>
<p>Maya didn't expect Kym to insinuate that it's not the newcomers she doesn't quite trust but Hope, and desperately tries to push that thought from her mind. "No, Hope wouldn't do anything like that."</p>
<p>"She's still grieving, Maya. Are we sure she's in the right headspace to be making <em>any</em> decisions right now? Clearly, <em>she</em> doesn't think she is, or else she wouldn't have called for a vote."</p>
<p>Maya bites her tongue because she can't tell Kym the truth. She can't tell her that Hope <em>did</em> make a choice. She chose for them to stay, despite everything that happened with Rose. "Sun doesn't set for another hour. If they're still not back, we'll send someone out."</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope breaks the glass of the front door to the supermarket and unlocks it from the inside, before pushing it open. "Be quick, grab everything you can. Medicine, canned foods, and clothes are top priority. Jed, Ethan, stay together. No wandering off."</p>
<p>They nod and begin to head down an aisle, their feet crushing the glass shards as they move.</p>
<p>"What about me?" Josie asks, but Hope just side-eyes her before heading down another aisle. The brunette considers if she should be staying put or following the leader, and she decides on the latter.</p>
<p>Hope doesn't say anything when she catches up to her, so Josie figures she guessed correctly. She unzips her bag and begins looking carefully along the shelves. There's surprisingly a lot more than there usually is, probably because it's near a highway and everyone has the common sense to avoid this area. Everyone but them, of course.</p>
<p>“Kym could use some ribbon or string for tourniquets or something,” Hope murmurs and Josie sees her throw a spool of thread in her bag.</p>
<p>Josie hums in acknowledgment and feels a sense of relief. At least Hope isn’t completely ignoring her. She continues looking and smiles when she spots a row of candles. She picks one up, the opaque cylinder heavy in her hands. "We could use these right?" she asks, ducking her head down closer to the jar, taking in the soft scent. Vanilla.</p>
<p>Warm memories flood her mind, and she doesn’t even notice Hope’s silence.</p>
<p>The first memory that comes to mind is when she and Lizzie were younger, much younger. Their Aunt Bonnie would always show them a special trick that she could do- she would grab a candle and light it, and then grasp the wick with her bare fingertips, putting the fire out effortlessly. They would marvel at how she could do it without burning herself, and Josie tucked that away as proof that magic was real. Of course, when she got older, she realized that all Aunt Bonnie did was lick her fingertips before touching the flame, and that extra layer kept it from burning her.</p>
<p>But even after finding out that it was pure science, it was still something that felt magical. How elegant and fearless Bonnie was, how she’d do it so many times just to see the twin’s excitement.</p>
<p>Josie misses the days she could believe in magic. But now, just as easily as Bonnie could put out a candle, her hope was smothered and Josie was left in darkness.</p>
<p>The world is different now, and magic doesn’t exist. Nothing good remains anymore. And not even her denial can protect her from the darkness.</p>
<p>"Josie."</p>
<p>The brunette's jerked out of her thoughts at the harsh voice.</p>
<p>Hope glances down at the candle in Josie's hands and shakes her head. "Too heavy. Only necessary supplies."</p>
<p>Hope turns to go and Josie begins to stutter out a protest. "It'll provide light and warmth, how is that not necessary?"</p>
<p>"It provides that to one person, so we'd have to stockpile them,” Hope explains irritatedly, not even bothering to turn back around. “It takes up too much space, we need food. Leave it.”</p>
<p>Josie scoffs, keeping a firm grip on the jar. It’s all she has left. A memory, something to hold on to, something to help her pretend that everything’s okay. "I swear I could suggest the best idea ever and you'd disagree just to spite me,” she spits, moving to put the candle into her bag.</p>
<p>Hope turns and quickly grabs it out of her hand before she can secure it away. She glares at her until Josie takes a reluctant step back. “Come up with a good idea and maybe I’ll consider it.”</p>
<p>"I did,” Josie mutters, tears burning at the back of her eyes. It’s dumb to cry over a candle, she knows it is. But she has nothing left. She can’t just accept the way things are. It hurts too much.</p>
<p>Hope notices the girl waver but still keeps her ground, setting the candle back on the shelf. "Blatantly ignoring every fucking thing I tell you isn't a good idea.”</p>
<p>Josie opens her mouth to argue, to yell back that this isn’t fair, that none of this is fair, but Ethan’s voice cuts her off from across the store.</p>
<p>"We've got bottles of water!"</p>
<p>Both girls turn quickly to his voice, and Josie feels her tongue swipe along her dry mouth.</p>
<p>Hope sighs and nods at Josie. “Go help them load up,” she mutters before continuing in the opposite direction, grabbing more supplies and dumping them into her bag.</p>
<p>Josie bites her tongue and leaves the aisle, blinking harshly to keep the tears from falling.</p>
<p>Hope doesn’t care about sentimental things. She doesn’t care about the past. And maybe Josie shouldn’t either, but she can’t imagine a world like this- forever.</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Ethan, Jed, and Josie fill their bags with bottles of water and canned foods, before heading back to the front of the store, where Hope’s waiting, looking outside. "The sun will be setting soon."</p>
<p>Ethan adjusts his bag on his back and takes a look outside too. The sky is turning a bright shade of pink as the sun sinks behind the trees. "So we move quickly or we hole up here?”</p>
<p>Hope shakes her head. “We won't make it before dark and we can't travel like that through the highway. And this place is the worst to camp out in. If a herd passes through, they’ll come right in.”</p>
<p>“Maybe a small shed or something. Someplace easy to board up that doesn’t draw too much attention,” Jed suggests, and Josie shivers at the thought. She’d rather push through, go on the highway. Get back to her family. But she doesn’t push her luck.</p>
<p>Hope looks around uneasily but then reluctantly nods. “Let’s go.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Pedro finally falls asleep after many promises that Hope and the others will be back when he wakes up, and Maya starts working on a plan.</p>
<p>“Just to the highway. No further, and stay in the trees,” she says firmly, and Sebastian nods.</p>
<p>“Trust me, I don’t intend on traveling through that hellfire. I’ll keep watch, get any stragglers so they’ll have an easy journey back.”</p>
<p>Maya hands him her crossbow and pushes open the gates. “If there’s no sign of them in the next couple of hours, come back. If there’s still no sign of them, you can go back out in the morning.”</p>
<p>Kym hugs Sebastian and Maya catches her whisper something in his ear.</p>
<p>Sebastian nods hesitantly at whatever she said before turning back to Maya. “I’ll be back soon. And so will they.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>-</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Hope and Jed secure planks along the already decently sturdy shed they found just a mile away, and settle along the floor.</p>
<p>Josie stays in the far corner, holding tightly onto herself for warmth.</p>
<p>“I’ll keep watch. Get some rest, we leave at first light,” Hope says to them, settling in front of the door and laying back against the wood.</p>
<p>Jed and Ethan lay down and hug their jackets to their bodies, and somehow they’re able to sleep despite their shivering.</p>
<p>Hope watches the door- and Josie watches Hope.</p>
<p>She thinks back to her father’s idea.</p>
<p>To get a weapon, just in case.</p>
<p>At first, she felt hesitant about it, but she gets it now. Hope doesn’t really care about them. They’re not a part of her group, and Josie doubts that the leader would have any problem sacrificing her and her family to protect the others.</p>
<p>And that’s fine. But Josie won’t have any problem either. She’ll protect her family at all costs.</p>
<p>“You should get some sleep,” Hope suddenly murmurs, still facing the door. “You’re probably exhausted from playing hero all day.”</p>
<p>Josie scoffs. “I was trying to help. But don’t worry, I won’t be wasting my energy anymore. Not on you.”</p>
<p>Hope doesn’t respond, just unzips her bag and rummages through it for a few seconds before pulling something out.</p>
<p>Josie turns her attention away, annoyed. “Back to ignoring my existence,” she mutters. “Great, Hope, so fucking mature. You’re-“ she’s cut off when Hope suddenly slides something to her, the object hitting her shoe mid-sentence.</p>
<p>Josie’s eyes narrow and she squints down at it before picking it up cautiously.</p>
<p>The cylinder feels familiar in her hands and her glare quickly drops.</p>
<p>It’s the candle.</p>
<p>A pack of matches lay inside the jar, and there’s only a few left.</p>
<p>Josie’s beyond confused as to why Hope bothered to grab it, and then just- give it to her. Like this.</p>
<p>“I don’t get it,” she murmurs quietly, taking the matches out and setting them on the ground.</p>
<p>Hope’s quiet for a moment before she lets out a sigh. “Just don’t light the shed on fire.”</p>
<p>Josie nods, still entirely confused on how they went from being at each other’s necks to <em>this</em>, but she decides not to push.</p>
<p>She lights the match and moves it to the wick, smiling gently as the soft scent of vanilla fills the shed.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. Chapter 20</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>There's something about the world ending that makes people lose sight of who they are.</p><p>Maybe it's watching everything you've ever known burn in front of you and turn to ashes- as if they never existed.</p><p>Maybe it's seeing buildings crumble and cars spin, maybe it's having to see it all, and having no control.</p><p>Watching helplessly, as people die and turn- and everything they once turned to gray.</p><p>There's something about the world ending that makes people care more about surviving than living. It's kill or be killed, and that's it.</p><p>That's all that's left.</p><p>No military or doctors come to rescue everyone, emergency broadcasts stop, and no cure is announced. This is life now.</p><p>So people panic. The trauma of seeing their loved ones die and turn into something else entirely ruins them breaks them down into nothing. They fight and steal and kill- they survive.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"You told us they'd be back before dark," Lizzie says angrily, pushing her father away when he attempts to hold her back. "They spent the night out there and your solution is to send <em>one</em> person to wait by the road?"</p><p>Maya holds her ground and tries to sound as reassuring as possible. "Sebastian knows what he's doing. We can't risk sending anyone else out."</p><p>Lizzie scoffs and takes a step closer. "I don't give a shit about the <em>risk</em>. My sister is out there, and I'm going to get her back," she spits, before pushing past Maya and glaring at Kym when she stands in front of the gate, blocking her way.</p><p>"Hope won't let anything happen to her," Kym says softly, keeping her hand outstretched to keep Lizzie from reaching the gate. "I know it's hard to trust us, but I promise you."</p><p>Lizzie hesitates because she can hear the sincerity in Kym's voice, but Josie is also out there with <em>Hope</em>. A leader who clearly doesn't trust them.</p><p>"Lizzie," Alaric calls from behind her, a warning tone in his voice.</p><p>"They probably just stopped to hole up for the night. They'll be back soon," Maya adds, watching as Alaric pulls his daughter away from the gate gently and whispers something in her ear.</p><p>Lizzie reluctantly pulls back and gives him a short nod to whatever he said, before turning her glare back to Maya. "If they're not back in the next hour, I'm going out there. With or without you."</p><p>Maya nods. She doesn't see another option, knowing full well that the blonde won't compromise further. Which is fair, because if she's being completely honest with herself, she can't stop thinking about what Kym said the previous night.</p><p>About how Hope is still grieving and isn't in the right headspace to be making decisions.</p><p>She knows Hope, better than anyone, but she also doesn't know her at all.</p><p>Hope never truly let her in. She doesn't know anything about her past, about who she was before everything happened.</p><p>She just knows what happened since, and what's happening now.</p><p>And from what she knows, she's starting to think that maybe Kym is right.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope, Josie, Jed, and Ethan are up and moving as soon as the sun rises, the morning wind making them all shiver as they head to the highway.</p><p>They pass by a few walkers and take them down easily, but there's something different in the air.</p><p>It's quiet. They don't see any herds or even groups of more than three together.</p><p>Hope figures this will change as soon as they approach the highway, but it doesn't- if anything, there's an even eerier stillness in the way the overturned cars lay- no car alarms or growling, no glass breaking or thuds.</p><p>They all feel it, and there's no place for small talk. They keep their weapons out and walk in a tight formation as they head down the road.</p><p>"It was like this in Roswell," Josie murmurs, and it's the first time she's mentioned where her family traveled from previous to ending up here. Her breath releases in heavy pants, her chest feeling tight. She can't tell if it's from the cold or the worry that something bad is near. "Quiet and..."</p><p>"Dead," Hope finishes for her, her pace suddenly picking up."Let's hurry. I don't want to wait around for the calm to pass and the storm to begin."</p><p>"Are we talking a literal or figurative storm?" Jed asks nervously.</p><p>Hope hesitates before unhooking her gun from her belt. After a moment of contemplation, she pushes it into Josie's hands, barely meeting her eyes. "Not sure. But in case of anything, you run."</p><p>Josie holds onto the weapon tightly and nods, feeling as if it's gotten twenty degrees colder at that moment.</p><p>Hope is either starting to trust her enough to give her a weapon, or she's preparing them for the worst.</p><p>And she has a bad feeling that it's the latter.</p><p>“We have four miles left,” Jed announces, shrugging off his bag and unzipping it. He pulls out a casing of bullets and tosses it to Ethan. “In case there’s a herd.”</p><p>Josie watches as Ethan stuffs the small box into his jacket, her mind getting too caught up on her dad’s plan.</p><p>She shrugs off the thought- she’s finally getting somewhere with the group, with Hope. She can’t risk ruining it.</p><p>They continue forward, snow beginning to fall as they go.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Hope will be watching her like a hawk, there's no way-"</p><p>"She'll find a way," Alaric cuts Lizzie off quietly, before moving to the corner of the room, worried about someone hearing them. "We'll hide it somewhere in here, just in case."</p><p>Lizzie shakes her head, trying to hold herself back from punching her father right then and there. "You let her go out there and told her to get a weapon? You realize you put her in ten times more danger," she hisses, her eyes burning from tears threatening to fall. She's losing hope that her sister will come back at all, let alone with some plan to keep them safe here. “What if she gets caught?"</p><p>"She won't," Alaric reassures her, but it's obvious that he's just as terrified as his daughter. He shouldn't have told her about the plan, it'll become too obvious that there's a plan in place if they don't calm down. “It’s just a precaution.”</p><p>“For what?” Lizzie presses, because they’re finally safe, after months of moving from place to place. They finally have a camp, a secure one. She doesn’t want to be afraid anymore.</p><p>Alaric’s about to respond when Maya suddenly approaches them, a cautious look in her eyes. </p><p>“We’re heading to the roof to keep a lookout. They should be back soon.”</p><p>Lizzie nods and sends her father a final worried look before heading up the ramp to join the others.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>A small herd forms along the ledge of the highway, immediately being attracted to the group’s scent as they pass, following closely behind.</p><p>Jed takes care of the first three before catching up with them, leaving the rest behind. They have enough distance on them, as long as they keep moving.</p><p>Josie’s hands shake from the cold, and she wants nothing more than to stuff them into her jacket pockets for warmth, but there are more walkers ahead and she can’t risk having her hands unavailable.</p><p>“I’d suggest keeping the candle in your bag when we get back,” Hope murmurs softly, causing the brunette to look at her in confusion. “Pedro will probably steal it,” she explains quickly, not realizing how much she’s been letting her guard down. She attempts to rebuild her walls, gripping onto her knife tightly.</p><p>Josie nods, unable to process what Hope’s trying to do. Small talk doesn’t seem like her kind of thing. She smiles anyway and decides to play along, feeling like this might be the only time they’ll have a conversation like this. “He can have it. As a Christmas present.”</p><p>Hope noticeably tenses and doesn’t respond, keeping her attention strictly ahead. Josie’s brows furrow and she wants to question what she said wrong, but she doesn’t get the chance.</p><p>A hand suddenly crashes through the car window next to her and grabs her, the growling growing loud in her ear as she’s pulled against the car with a yelp.</p><p>Hope quickly surges forward to stab the walker, but she’s only able to get it in the shoulder, its grasp still holding tight to Josie’s wrist. She’s about to drive the knife in again when a walker behind them grasps her.</p><p>“Hope!” Jed yells, he and Ethan quickly heading over to fight off the small herd forming.</p><p>Josie pulls desperately, trying to get out of the walker’s reach, her gun falling from her hands when she’s pulled back into the car, glass shards digging into her skin.</p><p>Sharp teeth grasp onto her shirt, and Josie’s pulled out of the car right before they sink into her skin.</p><p>“Fuck,” she breathes out as Ethan runs his stake through the walker’s head, it finally collapsing forward. Josie shudders and stumbles back, her hands running over her side where there’s glass embedded and blood staining through the fabric.</p><p>“Are you bitten?” Ethan asks nervously, and in the next second, Hope is in front of her, inspecting her carefully.</p><p>There’s genuine fear in her eyes as she sees the blood, but Josie quickly shakes her head and manages to get the words out. “No, no, it’s... it’s glass.”</p><p>Hope swallows thickly and looks ahead, her eyes catching on a figure a few hundred feet away. “Sebastian,” she murmurs, nodding to Jed. “Go ahead, bring him the bags, and get inside.”</p><p>Josie’s whole body is still shaking from the encounter, but there’s a thought still running endlessly through her head, her gaze glued to Hope’s gun that she dropped under the car.</p><p>Hope doesn’t seem to notice and hands her a cut piece of fabric. “Hold this to your side until we get there, Kym will get the glass out,” she says gently, her voice wavering from the cold.</p><p>Josie should be thinking about something else, anything else. She almost died but she’s alive and okay and Hope doesn’t want her dead.</p><p>But Josie can’t stop thinking about the gun. About her father’s words, pleading.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> “</span>I lost your gun,” she whispers after a long moment of hesitation, immediately feeling guilty.</p><p>Hope shakes her head, hooking her knife to her belt. “It’s okay. Can you walk?”</p><p>Josie can only manage to nod.</p><p>And when Hope turns away to tell Ethan to go open the gates for them, Josie quickly reaches down and grabs the gun, stuffing it into her jacket right as the leader turns back to her.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>They get back to camp within the next ten minutes, and Josie is taken to the infirmary to get the glass out of her skin, while Hope heads to her sectioned-off room.</p><p>She doesn’t bother to go up to the roof and see how things went while she was gone- she’s exhausted. Too exhausted to do the whole leader thing.</p><p>Maya seems to get the hint because she doesn’t bother her, and even tries to keep Pedro away- but of course that only lasts so long.</p><p>Hope smiles when he manages to get past Maya and hugs him tightly apologizes again and again for being gone so long.</p><p>It takes an hour for him to calm down and manage to fall asleep, and when he does, Hope smells a familiar scent fill the garage.</p><p>Josie lit the candle.</p><p>The vanilla soothes her to sleep, and as always, Hope dreams of Rose.</p><p>It’s not a nightmare this time, this time it’s not a constant replay of what happened that night.</p><p>Instead, it’s another memory, of when they watched the sunset from the roof.</p><p>Rose kisses her as if the world’s ending because it is.</p><p>The world is ending and she just wants to love and be loved. She wants to be alive.</p><p>But then the warmth is gone and when the brunette pulls away, Hope’s breath catches in her throat.</p><p>Because it’s not Rose, looking back at her.</p><p>it’s Josie.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>okay so i didn’t technically lie in my tweet okay bc HOPE HAD A DREAM AB JOSIE SO??? same thing, i don’t lie :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0021"><h2>21. Chapter 21</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hi</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope wakes up the next morning, her mind hazy. She can't remember her dream clearly, but she remembers that Josie was in it, and that's enough to know that she's already getting too close.</p><p>She shouldn't be having dreams about her, in any context. Sure, it was a nice break from the constant nightmares replaying her worst memory, but still. She's losing her edge, she can feel it, and it's getting harder to hide.</p><p>She tells herself it's simple. Josie reminds her of Rose. That's the only reason there's a familiar sense of comfort when she looks into the brunette's eyes.</p><p>"Or we could just hang them along the ledge to scare people off."</p><p>Hope frowns and turns to face Maya, having no idea what she's going on about and only hearing the last part of her sentence. "What?"</p><p>Maya shoves her and rolls her eyes. "I knew you weren't listening."</p><p>"Sorry, I... I'm just distracted," Hope murmurs, sending her an apologetic look before returning her gaze to the skyline.</p><p>"I've been waiting for you to tell me what happened on the supply run."</p><p>Hope shrugs. "We already went over inventory."</p><p>"I meant the trip itself," Maya replies shortly, and Hope lets out a sigh.</p><p>She can't tell her about the candle. Or about Josie saving her. Maya already knows about the vote, and that's far too much. And she really doesn't want to explain that she lost <em>another</em> gun. "It was fine."</p><p>"You had to spend the night out there, clearly something happened."</p><p>Hope wonders if she can give her friend the silent treatment without seeming childish. Probably not, but she also doesn't want to go over the details of the trip.</p><p>Maya seems to notice the leader's hesitation and sighs. "I heard Pedro singing Christmas songs at like 3 am. He butchered all the lyrics."</p><p>Hope laughs gently, grateful for the change of topic. "I didn't know it was possible to forget a Christmas song. I didn't hear him last night, I guess I actually slept a bit."</p><p>"Good," Maya smiles and gives her a small nod before setting down her crossbow. "So since you got some sleep and I was up all night keeping watch..."</p><p>Hope laughs and rolls her eyes. "Yes, go rest, I'll take over lookout."</p><p>"You're a saint," Maya murmurs before rushing down the ramp.</p><p>Hope leans along the ledge, her smile fading as she's left alone in the cold.</p><p>Her gaze scans over the city, feeling a chill run down her spine.</p><p>A storm is coming. She can feel it.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Josie hugs the blanket tight to her body, trying to warm up, to no avail. It doesn't help that her father and sister are arguing quietly beside her as they have for the past hour.</p><p>"We have nowhere to hide it!" Lizzie whisper-yells.</p><p>"I have a plan," Alaric says simply, which only pisses his daughter off more.</p><p>She scoffs. "Well, if your plan is to get us killed, you're doing a great job, Dad."</p><p>Alaric puts his hands on Lizzie's shoulders in an attempt to calm her down. "I just need you to trust me on this."</p><p>"We have something good here. We can't risk ruining it so soon," Lizzie mutters, shrugging him off.</p><p>"We won't. We just need to-</p><p>"Hope gave me a candle," Josie suddenly cuts in, barely looking up as both her father and sister turn to her.</p><p>"What?" Lizzie asks.</p><p>"A candle," she repeats. "At first she told me it wasn't necessary so I couldn't take it, but then... she took it."</p><p>Lizzie and Alaric share a look of concern before turning back to the brunette. "Okay, Jo, I think you should get some rest," Lizzie says cautiously, and Josie sighs, looking up.</p><p>"No, listen. She's starting to trust me. Not much, but a little. We have to get rid of the gun. If she finds out I lied, it'll ruin everything," she explains, desperation filling her voice.</p><p>Alaric sighs and shakes his head, moving away from his kids. “Girls, just let me take care of it." With that, he heads off to the main section of the floor to get food.</p><p>Once he's gone, Lizzie turns to her sister with a confused frown. "A candle?"</p><p>"Yeah," Josie murmurs, resting her head on Lizzie's shoulder when she sits down next to her. "It reminded me of Aunt Bonnie."</p><p>Lizzie hesitates before turning to press a kiss to her forehead, holding her close. "We're gonna be okay."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Pedro's singing Christmas songs throughout the night, and Hope hears it this time.</p><p>She leans against the ledge of the roof and smiles as she hears him butcher nearly every line.</p><p>"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle every day. Oh, how fun to ride and play..."</p><p>"Not quite, but you're close."</p><p>Hope's ears perk when she hears another voice chime in gently. <em>Josie</em>.</p><p>"Do you know all the words?" she hears Pedro ask.</p><p>"Yes. My family and I used to go Christmas caroling."</p><p>Hope moves along the roof, quietly approaching the ramp leading down to the infirmary so she can hear clearer.</p><p>"Caroling?"</p><p>The brunette's soft laugh echoes up to the leader's ears, and she swears it's the most beautiful sound she's ever heard. Hope quickly shakes out of it and listens intently as she explains.</p><p>"We would go house to house and serenade people with Christmas songs."</p><p>Hope can't decide if that's heartwarming or annoying. She knows that her family would've shut the door right in people's faces if they ever tried to sing on their property.</p><p>But she's less annoyed and more envious of the idea. Her family wasn't big on Christmas, and no one was ever really home at the same time to celebrate holidays.</p><p>Hope had a big family, but she had no one at all.</p><p>"Could we go Christmas caring?"</p><p>There's a moment of hesitation and Hope backs away from the ramp as Josie corrects him.</p><p>"It's caroling. And... I don't think so, bud."</p><p>It's painful to think about. Pedro will never get to experience life. He won't get to go through school and make friends, graduate, or even have a safe place to call home.</p><p>He won't get to have anything, because the world failed him. The world crashed and burned before he even got the chance to live.</p><p>It's unfair, it's <em>so</em> unfair.</p><p>Hope will do everything in her power to make sure he gets to experience as much as he can in this fucked up world. She'll do anything just to give him something.</p><p>"Hey."</p><p>Hope spins around at the sudden voice behind her, quickly blinking away the tears forming in her eyes. She clears her throat and nods at the brunette. "Hey."</p><p>Josie approaches the ledge slowly and lets out a sigh, her breath hanging softly in the cold air. "It's freezing out here but... Sometimes I just need to <em>breathe</em>, y'know?"</p><p>Hope does know. It's the whole reason she comes out here instead of sleeping. The cold is dangerous, but her mind is worse. She doesn't say anything and forces herself to look away from the girl beside her, keeping her eyes trained on her own hands.</p><p>"I'm really sorry. About your gun."</p><p>Hope can hear the genuine guilt in Josie's voice and she shakes her head. "No, it's okay. I lost my old one from jumping into a lake, so..." she trails off, smiling lightly when Josie giggles.</p><p>"Is that why you came back drenched that one day?" she asks, and Hope has to restrain herself from getting defensive. Josie doesn't seem to be making fun of her, just genuinely curious.</p><p>"Yeah, I... almost lost something important," Hope murmurs, shaking her head as she lets out a small laugh of her own. "I lost a gun and knife for... something useless." She genuinely wishes she had just let the stupid necklace sink into the darkness.</p><p>Josie's quiet for a second before she responds. "Well... if it was important to you, it was worth it, right?"</p><p>The leader looks up, meeting the brunette's eyes, nodding softly. "Yeah. At least I think it was."</p><p>"I get it. We all need something to hold onto. So, thank you for getting the candle."</p><p>Hope shrugs. “It's just a candle."</p><p>Josie shakes her head, turning to fully face her. “It's more, to me at least. It reminds me of life, before... everything. It gives me hope that maybe things will be okay again."</p><p>"You think there's a cure?" Hope asks, her eyes studying the brunette's face carefully.</p><p>"Maybe. Or at least a plan."</p><p>"A plan?"</p><p>Josie sends her a look of disbelief as if it's crazy to think that there's not. "The government <em>has</em> to have an escape plan, shelters, <em>something</em>. We're prepared for war threats, so we should be prepared for something like this."</p><p>"People coming back to life and feeding off of others is a little different," Hope counters.</p><p>"Yeah, but <em>still</em>. Think about it, they have to have some sort of sanctuary. For all the rich important people that the world just <em>can't</em> live without," Josie says sarcastically and Hope scoffs.</p><p>"Right, for <em>important</em> people. Not us."</p><p>Josie's getting noticeably irritated and rolls her eyes. "Okay, but it's something. There's something out there, someplace safe."</p><p>Hope can't help it. She can't just accept the idea, she can't believe that there's safety because there's not. "We'll never get there."</p><p>"Isn't it comforting to know it exists?" Josie asks.</p><p>"We don't even know that it does."</p><p>Josie turns away, letting out a frustrated sigh. "You know, for someone with the name, you have no <em>hope</em> for anything."</p><p>"I do," Hope says defensively, her brows knitting together as her hands fidget along the ledge.</p><p>"Okay, what?" Josie challenges, her eyes burning into the leader's skull, but Hope doesn't dare meet her eyes again.</p><p>"Pedro," she says quietly. "Getting him out of this. Having some kind of life."</p><p>"What about you?"</p><p>Hope laughs. "What do you think will happen if and when the government decides to finally step in and solve all this? People have died. People have <em>killed</em>. You think it's just going to be some forgive and forget bullshit?"</p><p>"We've done what we had to survive," Josie responds simply, but it's not simple.</p><p>"No. I've <em>killed</em> people. Not for survival. Not because they were a threat. People like me won't get to live in society again. Especially since it'd be so unstable."</p><p>"You're not a killer," Josie's quick to say, and Hope hates it.</p><p>"Aren't I? What, just because it's the apocalypse, I can do whatever the fuck I want and still be a good person?"</p><p>"No, but-"</p><p>"I've done shit, Josie. Unforgivable, fucked up shit. The apocalypse is where I belong," Hope snaps, and she clenches her fists, trying to push her anger down, trying to breathe again.</p><p>Josie notices it and stays silent, looking away.</p><p>They both stand there for god knows how long, their breathing eventually syncing, before Josie finally says it. "You deserve better than this. We all do."</p><p>Hope sniffles, the cold working its way into her system. "You keep telling yourself that."</p><p>"I will."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Pedro hugs the thin blanket tight to his shivering body, feeling colder than ever.</p><p>He wants to celebrate Christmas, he just wishes it were in the summer. He wonders who came up with having such a fun holiday in such cold weather.</p><p><em>Someone dumb</em>, he thinks to himself.</p><p>He brings his legs up to his chest and curls into a ball, finally finding some warmth tucked into the sheets.</p><p>Pedro closes his eyes and falls asleep, and he dreams of cages and clocks.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0022"><h2>22. Chapter 22</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>tw// ptsd panic attack</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope and Josie stay on the roof together for the rest of the night, standing in the cold breeze in peaceful silence. They don't say much, but there's something different in the air, and they both feel it.</p><p>There's a new understanding.</p><p>The way Hope is, why she does everything. Josie had the leader all wrong. Hope isn't cruel. Not at all.</p><p>Everything Hope has done has been for her group, for Pedro. She doesn't do things for herself, she doesn't believe she deserves it.</p><p>Josie's never understood a feeling more. The only reason she's still here on this horrible, destroyed earth, is for her family. For the possibility that she can help change something.</p><p>It's a reach, to believe in some sort of sanctuary, but Josie <em>needs</em> it. She needs to know it's out there, that this isn't just <em>it</em>. People killing each other to survive. Having to watch loved ones turn. Starving and helpless.</p><p>Josie needs to believe that there are good people left. And she believes that Hope is one of them.</p><p>And Hope, while she thinks it's ridiculous to have such strong beliefs in something that most likely doesn't exist, can't shake the thought away.</p><p>If this sanctuary does exist, no matter how secure and hidden- Hope is going to get them there. She's going to get Pedro there, so he can have a life. Safety and happiness. Security.</p><p>She'll give him what she never had.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Pedro giggles to himself as snowflakes fall around him, a few of them sticking to his jacket and hair gently.</p><p>It's cold, but he doesn't care, and he lays down on the roof, letting the snow fall onto his face and clothes.</p><p>He thinks about caroling and sledding, and all the things he'll get to do when Christmas comes. Maybe they could even get a tree. Wrap presents and open them together.</p><p>He doesn't remember much from before everything happened, but he remembers home.</p><p>He remembers his parents and how safe he felt with them.</p><p>And he remembers Christmas. The snow. Presents. Warmth. Family.</p><p>He feels the same safety with Hope. He doesn't know quite what happened, why the world is so different now, and where his parents are- but he does know that Hope is home, and home is safe.</p><p>"Your clothes are getting all wet, bud!" Hope calls out to him, and he can hear her laughing softly. He sits up and smiles brightly at her.</p><p>"Is it almost Christmas?" he asks, scooting closer to the girl when she takes a seat next to him in the snow.</p><p>Hope nods and ruffles his hair, specks of water fleeting from each strand. "Soon," she murmurs, before leaning forward to press a kiss to his forehead. "What do you want to do today?"</p><p>"Caroling!" Pedro exclaims excitedly, remembering everything Josie told him last night. He hasn't seen anyone other than the people in this camp, and he wishes he could explore around.</p><p>Hope’s smile fades slowly, and Pedro knows, he can tell that it's not a yes. He's getting used to seeing the guilt on Hope's face when she has to tell him no, that they can't.</p><p>He wishes he understood more.</p><p>Hope rubs his hand softly. “Maybe we ca-"</p><p>Her voice is cut off when Pedro's suddenly hit with something in the back of his head and he squeals at the sudden cold falling down his jacket.</p><p>He turns quickly to see Ethan, laughing as he's rolling up another ball of snow. "Better gear up, pal, it's time for a snowball fight!"</p><p>Pedro giggles and turns back to Hope to ask her to play with them- but when he meets her eyes, she's somewhere else.</p><p>She's there, beside him, but her mind is far away and she looks- frozen. Afraid.</p><p>"Hope?" he says softly, reaching for her hand slowly, but jumps back when Hope scrambles away from him.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Hope can’t breathe.</p><p>Pedro's scream was different, different from <em>that</em> night. But it registers the same, and she can’t move. It’s all happening again.</p><p>Rose is telling her she’ll be right back and then Pedro’s scream is echoing throughout the halls, and Hope let it happen.</p><p>The wind pushes harshly into her, as if it's trying to force the air into her lungs and shove her over at the same time, and she can hear the voices around her blurring together.</p><p>But she’s no longer on the roof, in the safety of her camp, around people she trusts. She’s out <em>there</em>, alone.</p><p>Defenseless and afraid.</p><p>She scrambles back and grasps the ledge, her knuckles turning white as she holds tightly, trying to come back to reality.</p><p>It's snowing and it's cold and it's white, it's all white, and it's blinding.</p><p>She closes her eyes, tries to breathe, but there’s no air.</p><p>Her mind races as the voices move closer, and Hope only hears the sickening growling from the dead, getting closer and closer.</p><p>
  <em>Run. Run, run, run.</em>
</p><p>Hands grasp at her shoulders and she immediately reaches for her gun, but she doesn't have it.</p><p>She's being attacked, she's going to die.</p><p>She's going to die. She's going to fail Pedro, just like the world did.</p><p>The sounds and yelling around her blur together and it all registers as a herd, closing in on her.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Kym pulls the cloth out of the boiling water and twists it, squeezing out the excess before draping it carefully over Josie's swollen leg. "It's healing well," she says quietly, setting the water bucket down. "How does it feel?"</p><p>Josie nods, letting out a sigh of relief as the warmth soothes the ache in her thigh. “Better. Sore, but better."</p><p>"No more extensive weight on it, okay? Take it easy before going on any supply runs. I know you want to get involved here, contribute to the group, but I promise you, you're more help to us here- recovering," Kym states simply and Josie smiles.</p><p>"I'll have you know that I was a big help on the supply run," Josie jokes, earning a laugh from Kym as she takes a seat next to her.</p><p>"I don't doubt that, but the more stress you put on it, the longer it'll take to heal. But... I do think it's good that you went on the supply run."</p><p>"What do you mean?" Josie asks curiously, noticing how Kym shifts and looks to the hallway cautiously.</p><p>"I heard you guys, last night," she admits. "You and Hope, talking about a possible cure."</p><p>Josie hesitates. "Oh. Well, it was more like arguing, but-"</p><p>"Trust me, I've seen Hope argue,” Kym cuts in quickly, shaking her head. “You actually got her to listen to you. You're gaining her trust."</p><p>"You think?" Josie asks, feeling guilt creep back in.</p><p>Kym nods, watching her carefully. “You need to be careful. She's still grieving from what happened, her mind isn't in the right place. Don't fuck this up."</p><p>"Yeah. Thanks,” Josie murmurs, but she already did. She already fucked it up, she already ruined it all, and she needs to fix it- quickly.</p><p>Kym looks like she’s about to say something else, but is cut off by a short knock against the concrete wall.</p><p>They both turn to see Lizzie, standing in the doorway. “Hey.”</p><p>“Get some rest,” Kym says softly to Josie before smiling at Lizzie as she passes her, leaving the twins alone in the infirmary.</p><p>They’re quiet for a few moments before Lizzie decides that the coast is clear, and takes a seat on Josie’s cot, her voice hushed. “Dad's planning something."</p><p>Josie nods, swallowing thickly. “I know.”</p><p>“Something <em>bad</em>, Jo,” Lizzie says, and her sister can hear the fear in her voice.“We need to get rid of the gun for good. If we don’t, someone else will find it, or he’ll do something stupid, I can feel it.”</p><p>Josie hesitates because she knows it’s a dumb plan, but she also just wants to stop hiding and lying. “Maybe I could give it to Hope. Explain things to her, apologize. It’s better than her finding out some other way.”</p><p>Lizzie practically laughs at the suggestion. “No, we can’t risk it. Just because she gave you a <em>candle</em> doesn’t mean she won’t kick us out on the spot. She doesn’t give a shit about us, Josie.”</p><p>“So what’s your plan?” Josie murmurs, feeling a pang in her chest. She knows Lizzie’s right, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.</p><p>“Sebastian can create a distraction. One of us can sneak out the gate, bury the gun somewhere nearby, in case we need it later,” Lizzie explains, and the brunette quickly shakes her head.</p><p>“No, that’s... we’ll get caught, we can’t do that.”</p><p>“Josie, it’s our only option.”</p><p>Josie strains her mind, thinking desperately for a different plan. “We could-“</p><p>She’s cut off quickly when a scream echoes down the ramp from the roof, startling them both.</p><p>The twins share a quick look before Lizzie helps Josie out of her cot and they make their way towards the ramp to see what’s going on.</p><p>Kym shoves past them quickly and gives them a stern glare. “Stay here.”</p><p>Kym disappears up the ramp and Josie considers listening, she really does- but then she hears another scream. A bloodcurdling scream as if someone's being torn apart- and it's coming from Hope.</p><p>Josie and Lizzie rush up the ramp together without another second of hesitation and immediately expect the worst.</p><p>A walker, or maybe a herd that somehow made it into camp. But there's no walker. It's the group, restraining Hope the best they can to the ground as she thrashes against them, fighting to get free.</p><p>"Hope, it's us!" Maya shouts, her grip loosening enough for the leader's wrist to get free and shove her off.</p><p>Josie moves closer to them, jumping slightly when Hope screams again. And that’s when she sees that the leader’s eyes are squeezed shut and her breathing is rapid.</p><p>"Panic attack?" Lizzie whispers because she knows the signs. She used to have them nearly daily before she was able to get help.</p><p>Josie nods, but it's more intense than her sister's used to be. Hope isn't just panicking, she's fighting for her life.</p><p>She's reliving something.</p><p>Hope punches Jed with her free hand and scrambles to get up, but he keeps a strong grip on her even as blood trickles down his chin.</p><p>Pedro cries as Kym holds him tightly at the ledge, away from danger.</p><p>Josie knows what to do, she's helped Lizzie her whole life- but she's worried she'll just make it worse. Hope trusts her less than everyone else, so hearing her voice won't provide enough comfort to calm her down. “She needs space," she croaks out, feeling powerless as Hope screams, her voice cutting through the cold.</p><p>"She tried to jump over the ledge!" Ethan yells back, helping his sister get a better hold on Hope's arms, keeping them pinned.</p><p>Josie rushes forward because she can't watch anymore, they're all making it worse and Hope is suffering- but before she can reach them, a rough hand grabs her arm, stopping her in her tracks. She whips around to face her father.</p><p>"Don't," Alaric murmurs, shaking his head. "She's dangerous, we need to go back downstairs."</p><p>The brunette looks at him in disbelief, and the second she hears Hope scream again, she rips away from his grip and pushes through to the group.</p><p>She quickly pulls Maya off Hope, having to dodge a knife that is immediately pointed at her.</p><p>"What the fuck are you doing?" Maya yells, shoving her backward, but Josie doesn't budge.</p><p>"She needs space, you're making it worse. Trust me."</p><p>Maya scoffs. "Trust you? You don't even know her."</p><p>"I know enough to see that this isn't working!" Josie screams back.</p><p>Sebastian suddenly releases his grip on Hope and stumbles back. "She's right, we need to try something else!"</p><p>"What if she goes for the ledge?" Jed asks, he and Ethan still holding her down.</p><p>Maya hesitates, watching Josie carefully, trying to see if this is some trick. But Josie looks genuinely concerned, and after a moment of consideration, Maya nods to her brother. "Let her go."</p><p>Ethan and Jed share a look before letting go at the same time and moving back quickly.</p><p>Hope's screams stop and she gasps for air as she drags herself to the ledge, gripping the concrete tightly.</p><p>Maya takes a step forward, worried she'll make a move to jump, but Josie shakes her head, stopping her.</p><p>The group holds their breath as they watch Hope slowly start to come back to reality, her breathing starting to settle. She keeps her shaky hands out in front of her as if she's still afraid something will attack her. Her eyes are squeezed shut and Josie takes a small step towards her.</p><p>"Hope," she calls out gently, her voice immediately causing the leader's eyes to shoot open in fear, attempting to scramble back further against the ledge. "Hey, it's okay." Josie stops in her tracks and lowers down to her knees. "I won't come any closer."</p><p>Hope watches her carefully, recognition filling her eyes as her vision starts to clear.</p><p>
  <em>Josie. Rose. No, Rose is gone.</em>
</p><p>"Hope, you're safe."</p><p><em>Pedro’s hurt. Something happened and you let it,</em> A voice in Hope’s mind tells her. And the voice is starting to sound more and more like Rose’s.</p><p>"It's not real. Whatever you're hearing or seeing, it's not real."</p><p>
  <em>He’s dying, you’re letting him die.</em>
</p><p>"Hope listen to me. Just me."</p><p><em>How could you just let this happen</em>? Rose asks.</p><p>"Tell me what you hear."</p><p>Josie and Rose's voices blur together, and Hope can't tell which one is which.</p><p>She just knows that she's being told two different things and she doesn't know which to believe.</p><p>She squeezes her eyes shut again because none of it is real.</p><p>“Hope, open your eyes.”</p><p>Footsteps are crunching closer to her in the snow, and Hope doesn’t know who it is- all she knows is that Pedro’s hurt, he’s in danger, and someone here did it.</p><p>Someone she trusts.</p><p>Another voice surrounds her, and the second the hand touches her shoulder, her eyes shoot open and she reacts.</p><p>Her eyes immediately go down to the belt around the girl’s waist, where a knife hangs, and she rips it free and pushes herself up shakily, holding the weapon out in front of her.</p><p>Maya stares back at her in fear, and she’s saying something, pleading with her to just <em>breathe</em>.</p><p>“Where is he?” Hope chokes out, pushing forward, the knife shaking in her hand.</p><p>Maya shakes her head and takes a step back, looking over to Josie in panic. “Hope, I don’t-“</p><p>“Hope,” Josie suddenly cuts in, and the leader quickly turns to her, a new glint in her eyes.</p><p><em>Rose</em>. It’s not Rose, but it <em>is</em>. And she did this.</p><p>“Hope, whatever you’re seeing, it’s not real. You’re safe, no one is-“</p><p>“Where is he?” Hope demands again, taking a step towards her, but Josie doesn’t back away.</p><p>“Pedro?” Josie asks softly, keeping a cautious eye on the knife pointing towards her. “Pedro’s here, Hope.”</p><p>
  <em>She’s lying. It’s all a lie.</em>
</p><p>“Hope, I need you to listen to me, okay?”</p><p>
  <em>It’s all a lie.</em>
</p><p>“I need you to breathe. Take a second to let the air in. Breathe.”</p><p>It’s all a lie but Hope does it because her chest burns and it hurts and she’s so confused.</p><p>“Pedro’s okay. He’s right here. We just need you to put the knife down.”</p><p>
  <em>He’s right here.</em>
</p><p>“What did you do to him?” Hope manages to get out, her voice breaking at the thought. She let it happen.</p><p>Josie shakes her head, taking another step closer to her. “I would never. Hope, I would never hurt him. He’s safe, you’re safe. Your group is here, and everyone is okay.”</p><p>It’s cold. It’s so cold.</p><p>Rose’s face slowly fades away in the wind, and there’s no resemblance between her and the brunette standing in front of her.</p><p>They’re not the same.</p><p>Rose is gone.</p><p>“Put down the knife, Hope.”</p><p>Hope feels herself returning, feels the snow underneath her feet, feels the cold flakes falling onto her skin.</p><p>“You’re safe.”</p><p>Her grip starts to loosen on the knife, and she feels it slipping from her grasp, feels the tension in her body begin to slowly release-</p><p>She’s safe.</p><p>Pedro’s safe.</p><p>They’re all-</p><p>The air doesn’t make it out of her lungs, her breath doesn’t release, because a gunshot echoes towards her, breaking through before another thought can register.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hi i’m sorry if this is #stupid i tried my best to portray ptsd in a realistic way, so i hope it came across okay? lmk &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0023"><h2>23. Chapter 23</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The second Josie hears the gunshot, she knows. She reacts before she even has the chance to see the shooter because she <em>knows</em>. Her body lurches forward immediately, her weight crashing into Hope to push her out of the way right as she feels the bullet whir past her ear.</p><p>Hope hits the ground in a thud but Josie doesn't get the chance to check to make sure the bullet didn't hit her before she's being pulled into a chokehold.</p><p>Cold metal presses into her neck as she's forced to face the chaos.</p><p>Her eyes meet her father's- her disheveled father, who has Hope's gun in his hands, pointing out towards the group.</p><p>Josie lets out a shaky breath and tries her best to stay calm despite the situation, and more importantly, the knife's blade digging into her skin.</p><p>"Put it down, Alaric!" Maya shouts, keeping her grip tight on Josie.</p><p>The brunette doesn't bother to struggle against her, because there's no other way out of this.</p><p>Her dad shot at Hope, and now she's being used as bait.</p><p>"Dad," Josie manages to choke out, tears forming in her eyes because they were so close- so close to being safe here. Hope trusted her, and now all her efforts would have been for nothing. They'll either die here or be sent out there, to die by the hands of the dead. Either way, it's over. "Dad, put it down. Please."</p><p>Alaric clearly didn't think this through, his hands shaking along the gun's handle. "We're leaving," he announces, taking a step towards Maya. "Let her go. We're leaving."</p><p>Josie feels Maya laugh against her. "You expect us to just let you walk out of here? You shot at our leader, Alaric. However you thought this was going to go, I can promise you that you're wrong."</p><p>"Your <em>leader</em> just attacked you!" Alaric yells, gesturing towards Jed, who's holding onto his bleeding nose. "Your leader is unstable and dangerous, and I'm trying to protect my family."</p><p>"All you're doing is putting them in more danger," Ethan cuts in, his crossbow aimed at Alaric's head, waiting for a signal to shoot.</p><p>"We'll take our chances."</p><p>"Dad, don't do this. We were voted in, we're safe here," Lizzie pleads, holding tightly onto Sebastian's hand. "Don't make us go back out there."</p><p>Alaric shakes his head, keeping his glare on Maya. "They don't care about us, Elizabeth. They'll only protect themselves."</p><p>Sebastian lets go of Lizzie's hand and steps forward despite her protests. "We were all new here at some point. We all had to earn our keep, prove our trust. You're on your way to that, too. But this... this isn't going to end the way you think it is."</p><p>"Let go of my daughter!" Alaric screams, ignoring Sebastian- but Maya just tightens her grip on Josie.</p><p>"Put down the gun or I swear I'll-"</p><p>"Let her go," a weak voice orders from behind them, and Josie's heart stops in her chest.</p><p><em>Hope</em>.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Maya looks at her in disbelief, but Hope ignores her gaze, trying to keep her balance as she steps forward. "Let her go," she repeats, her voice stronger as the ground stops spinning beneath her feet.</p><p>The girl hesitates, not knowing quite what she should be doing, but releases her grip from Josie anyway, letting her fall into the snow.</p><p>Hope kneels down beside her and brushes the hair away from her neck to inspect the cut along her neck.</p><p>Josie watches her closely, trembling in the cold. Hope meets her eyes and there's a glint of something there, something that Josie can't put a finger on.</p><p>The air seems to still for a moment, the cold wind relenting as they both seem to study each other.</p><p>Hope breaks eye contact after another second and pulls away from her, standing up."You can go," she says suddenly, facing Alaric. "Whenever you want, you can leave. Hell, I'll escort you out myself."</p><p>Alaric registers her words slowly, shaking his head in confusion.</p><p>Hope walks forward, completely ignoring the gun pointed directly at her as she approaches him. "You can go," she repeats softly, and she takes advantage of his disbelief by reaching forward quickly and twisting his wrist, the gun falling from his grasp in a second.</p><p>Alaric stumbles back and immediately raises his hands for protection, but Hope doesn't move. She instead nods to Ethan, causing the boy to approach them with his crossbow trained on Alaric.</p><p>"You can go, but not like this. You'll sleep on the first floor tonight, take some time to think this over. Really think if this is what you want to put your family through," Hope says, before gesturing to Ethan. "Take him downstairs. Zip ties."</p><p>Ethan immediately moves forward and shoves the man against the ledge, before pressing the plastic onto his wrists, securing them tightly.</p><p>"There's nothing more to think about. We're leaving," Alaric grits out, feeling slightly humiliated by how easily he was disarmed by the leader.</p><p>"It's not just your choice, Ric. It's the apocalypse, the parental shit doesn't apply here," Hope calls after him as Ethan guides him down the ramp. "Your daughters get a choice, too."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Josie sits quietly on the cot as Kym presses a cloth to her neck, and she's seriously starting to hate the infirmary. She's in here way too often.</p><p>"You did good," Kym suddenly says, moving away from her to clean to cloth before continuing. "I'm usually good with calming people down, but... Hope's going through a lot."</p><p>Josie nods, swallowing thickly. "I think she has PTSD."</p><p>"Don't we all?" Kym jokes and Josie can't help but laugh lightly.</p><p>"Probably. I just..." the brunette hesitates, feeling tears return to her eyes. "I don't want to go back out there."</p><p>Kym squeezes her hand after placing a bandage along her neck. "Maybe you won't have to."</p><p>Josie nods softly and turns away, nearly gasping when she sees Hope standing in the doorway.</p><p>Kym notices and turns her attention to the leader as well, backing away slightly from Josie.</p><p>"Give us a second, please," Hope murmurs to Kym, stepping into the infirmary.</p><p>"Of course," Kym says quickly and packs up her supplies before giving Josie a reassuring smile and leaving them alone.</p><p>Hope approaches the cot carefully as if she's still considering doing any of this at all.</p><p>Josie waits for her to say it, waits for her to tell her that she ruined it, that she lied, and that she has to leave.</p><p>"Your dad's an asshole."</p><p>The brunette's eyes widen slightly in shock, not expecting that as the first thing to be said, but then her guilt slowly return. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know he was going to do that, I-"</p><p>"I know," Hope cuts in, taking a seat at the edge of the cot.</p><p>"You do?" Josie whispers, feeling some of the tension leave her body.</p><p>Hope nods, not meeting her eyes as her hands fumble along the edge of the sheets. "I saw you pick the gun up. On the supply run."</p><p>"What?"</p><p>"I knew you had it, Josie," Hope says quietly.</p><p>She almost regrets bringing it up, because now she has to explain herself.</p><p>She has to explain why she didn’t call Josie out, why she let her keep her gun.</p><p>She doesn’t want to explain, because she doesn’t know how- but by the look on Josie’s face, she doesn’t seem to be expecting an explanation.</p><p>The look on her face is a mixture of confusion- but also gratitude.</p><p>“There are no more chances after this,” Hope says suddenly, realizing that she’s letting her guard down far too much. She stands up and clears her throat. “Either your father leaves or he starts contributing to how things work here.”</p><p>Josie nods, still in shock at Hope’s confession. She knew about the gun all along.</p><p>“And, Josie.”</p><p>The brunette shakes out of her daze and looks up to meet the leader’s eyes.</p><p>Hope hesitates for a moment, before letting out a small sigh. “If you ever want to leave, just tell me. I won’t send you out there with nothing. Just <em>tell me</em>.”</p><p>Hope expects Josie to say it now, she expects her to say <em>I want to leave</em>, because why shouldn’t she?</p><p>Rose wanted to leave.</p><p>Hope can’t keep anyone from staying, it’d be ridiculous to try- but she won’t let what happened to Pedro happen again. She won’t.</p><p>Josie nods, feeling a warmth in her chest as she looks into Hope’s eyes, and it’s clear that she’s waiting for an answer. “I don’t want to leave,” she says finally because she doesn’t.</p><p>She wants to live again. Not in constant fear. She wants to be a part of this group.</p><p>She wants to be with Pedro and Kym. She wants to contribute and feel like she’s doing something.</p><p>And she wants to learn more about Hope.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>next chapter is gonna be hella long and also thoroughly intense so just warning you &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. Chapter 24</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is my favorite chapter eek i hope yall like it??? never been more nervous in my life lmao</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope dreams of Josie again.</p><p>And this time, there's no doubt that it's her. Rose isn't there- it's <em>Josie</em>, looking at Hope as if she sees right through it all.</p><p>Through the calloused skin and scars, past the bulletproof defense system, right down to the bone.</p><p>Josie looks at her as if she really <em>sees</em> her. Understands her. Knows her intentions, gets why she does everything.</p><p>Josie sees her, sees everything, and still looks at her as if she's good.</p><p>As if despite everything, she's a <em>good person.</em></p><p>Hope's not a good person, not at all, but she's starting to think that maybe she doesn't need to be.</p><p>She just needs someone to see her. See that she isn't cruel, she's just... terrified.</p><p>Terrified of losing everything again.</p><p>Terrified of letting herself <em>breathe</em>, just to have the air stolen from her lungs right as it enters.</p><p>She dreams of the warmth of the candle, the small flame in Josie's eyes.</p><p>She dreams of sanctuary. Safety. She dreams that it's not all on her shoulders, she dreams that she's free.</p><p>It's impossible to reach, but Josie tells her it's not.</p><p>Josie tells her to breathe.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Josie's eyes blink open slowly, the room dark and her heart pounding heavily in her chest.</p><p>She doesn't remember anything about her dream, except... Hope. Hope was there.</p><p>And now Josie's mind is searching, desperate to find out why, trying so hard to remember.</p><p>She dreamt of Hope. She doesn't know the context- where or when- but Hope was there.</p><p>Hope was there and Josie's heart is doing somersaults at the thought.</p><p>She decides that she needs air. She needs to feel the cold against her face and pull herself together- for all she knows, it could've been a nightmare.</p><p>It could've been a nightmare of Hope killing them or kicking them out- something horrible and cruel.</p><p>But deep down Josie knows it wasn't a nightmare.</p><p>She knows but she ignores it, slipping away from her sister and making her way up the ramp to the roof.</p><p>The sun isn't out, but the moon shines bright in the sky, the stars sparkling around it.</p><p>There's a warmth in the air, despite it being unbelievably cold, and Josie realizes why when she sees a figure leaning against the ledge.</p><p>Hope.</p><p>Josie thinks about just going back to sleep. It's what she should do. She doesn't know what's going on in her head, she doesn't know what's going on in general. And talking to Hope always seems to make things more confusing.</p><p>But Josie doesn't go back down the ramp. She stands there, her heartbeat loud in her ears, slightly shivering from the cold, and looking at Hope.</p><p>The moon casts a gentle light along the leader's figure, and there's something different about the way her hands are holding onto the ledge.</p><p>It's almost as if she's waiting for something.</p><p>"You're up early," Hope murmurs suddenly, and she doesn't turn around when Josie slowly approaches the ledge.</p><p>Josie nods, caught off guard, but quickly recovers. "So are you."</p><p>Hope shrugs and her grip loosens a little. "I always am," she says softly, her eyes glued to the sky.</p><p>"How come?"</p><p>"I like to make sure the sun rises," Hope says simply, and doesn't elaborate when she glances over to see Josie, confused- just turns away again, a slight smile on her lips.</p><p>Josie shakes her head gently, not understanding at all. "What?"</p><p>"You never know," Hope says, again, as if it's so simple, as if it makes so much sense.</p><p>"That the sun will rise?" Josie questions, letting out a small laugh. "That's kind of a cynical way of thinking."</p><p>"Maybe, but..." Hope hesitates, letting out a sigh."We don't. It could set one night and then just... never rise again."</p><p>"It always does."</p><p>"Things change, Josie," Hope starts, shaking her head."I mean, look at the world now. Everything that was here a year ago is gone. Destroyed. Families and lives and cities- it's all just... particles. Particles of what we used to be. Floating in the air. It's naive to think that things can't get worse."</p><p>"It's more than that, though. The world is still intact. We're still here, we're not particles. We're human, and we're <em>here</em>," Josie argues.</p><p>Hope scoffs. "For now. In five minutes, we could be food for the biters. When you think about it, we basically already are. We're just waiting to die. Prolonging the inevitable. We... <em>we're</em> the walking dead."</p><p>Josie hesitates. Because Hope's right. They're holed up in this garage, only going out for supplies so they don't starve. What kind of life is that? She wishes she had a rebuttal, but she doesn't. Silence fills the air slowly, and Josie feels every thought in her head crumble.</p><p>
  <em>We're the walking dead.</em>
</p><p>"Why do you think I chose this place to set up camp?" Hope speaks up, and Josie sighs, resting her hands along the ledge.</p><p>"I don't know. It's sturdy. Good vantage point of the highway. Safe?"</p><p>Hope shakes her head. "Nowhere's safe. I chose it for the view."</p><p>Josie can't help but laugh, and it's not long before Hope breaks into a smile with her. "You're joking."</p><p>"I'm not," the leader admits, her hand subconsciously skimming over the concrete of the ledge. "It's just luck that the place with the best view of the sunrise and sunset happened to be here. Where we have at least some stability."</p><p>Hope's hand stops next to Josie's, and the brunette feels her heart race. "So... you're afraid that the sun won't rise? That's why you wait out here?" she asks quietly, and she can tell that Hope hasn't even noticed their hand placement. Josie wishes she hadn't either because now she can't think straight.</p><p>Hope's quiet for a moment as she looks up at the moon. “No. I'm not afraid. I just... I want to be here if it's the last time I ever see the sun. I want to see it. Before it's gone forever."</p><p>"That's beautiful," Josie whispers, her gaze finally moving from their hands and up to the sky as the sun begins to rise.</p><p>"It's not," Hope laughs out, her hand moving gently, nearly grazing Josie's.</p><p>"It is," Josie insists, turning to fully face the girl."That's all any of us have left, isn't it? Hope that the sun will rise again."</p><p>Hope meets her eyes, a gentle smile on her lips. "Yeah."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"I kissed Sebastian," Lizzie admits immediately as Josie comes down the ramp from the roof.</p><p>Josie smiles and walks with her back to their section. "You really like him."</p><p>Lizzie groans and practically throws herself on their thin mattress dramatically. "His accent is just so... God!"</p><p>Josie laughs and settles down next to her. "When did this kiss happen?" she asks and Lizzie blushes as she faces her.</p><p>"Like five minutes ago. He came to ask me if I wanted pancakes for breakfast. Which turned out to be thin pieces of bread with jam spread on them but it was great regardless."</p><p>"That's cute," Josie says softly, happy that her sister is able to find comfort in someone else. It's rare these days.</p><p>Lizzie watches her twin curiously, before nudging her arm. “Enough about me. Tell me about what's going on with Hope."</p><p>Lizzie's tone throws Josie off a bit- it sounds too suggestive, and she quickly shakes her head. “Nothing, she's... I think she has PTSD. She says she feels fine after last night so-"</p><p>"C'mon, Jo. That's not what I meant," Lizzie interrupts, giving her a look.</p><p>But Josie doesn't know what the look means. Or maybe she does, she's just not ready to admit it. "Whatever, I'm hungry," she says suddenly, wanting to get out of the conversation quickly.</p><p>Lizzie just hums in acknowledgment and smiles to herself as she watches her sister walk off out of sight.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"You can't keep me locked down here."</p><p>Hope rolls her eyes, ignoring Alaric's grunts as he struggles against the zip ties. "I've got more important things to deal with than you," she mutters, pushing gently against the gate, testing its strength. She swears one of the boards wobble, but Alaric speaks up again before she can concentrate on it.</p><p>"I want to see my daughters."</p><p>"Clearly they don't want to see you because they can come down here whenever they like and they haven't yet," Hope says simply, turning back to him and narrowing her eyes. "I suggest you start complying, Ric. You're not getting out of those ties any other way."</p><p>Alaric glares at her, still practically rolling on the ground like a dumbass as he tries to loosen the plastic from his wrists. "You're insane!" he shouts, and  Hope can't help but laugh.</p><p>"You nearly got your daughters killed. I'd rather be crazy than endanger the people I love," she replies, moving back over to the gate.</p><p>One loose board on the gate could mean a herd breaking in. She needs to focus.</p><p>Unfortunately, Alaric doesn't seem to know when to stop. "You don't know anything about love. You're just a kid. An egotistical kid who has a superiority complex."</p><p>"At least I can protect my people," Hope mutters, refusing to turn again as she pushes against the gate, listening closely for a strain in the wood. "Face it, Alaric, your daughters are better off here than they ever will be with you."</p><p>"I've protected them through everything."</p><p>"When I found you, Josie was <em>dying</em>. She would've died out there. I saved her, I saved all of you. Maybe I have a superiority complex, but at least I have something to back it up with."</p><p>There's definitely a loose board, she can feel it. But she can't tell where.</p><p>"You attacked your group yesterday. And what about what happened to that little boy?"</p><p>Hope's hand clenches near her knife, and it physically pains her not to turn around and beat the shit out of him for even mentioning Pedro- but she manages to stay put, her eyes glued to the door. "Keep talking, keep digging yourself deeper. Trust me, I can't wait for the moment I get to throw you out into a herd and watch you be torn to shreds."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Sebastian smiles when Lizzie lets go of the string, releasing the arrow from the crossbow's grip and sending it soaring to the ground- and right into a rabbit. "Nice one."</p><p>"Josie never wanted to kill anything. So I had to learn how to hunt for us," Lizzie says, setting the crossbow down with a proud smile. "I bet I have better aim than you."</p><p>Sebastian raises his brows with a grin and shakes his head. "Oh, I'm sure." He hesitates for a moment as if he's remembered something, and his smile starts to fade. "Elizabeth, I want to ask you something. But I fear it may cross a line."</p><p>Lizzie shrugs. “I'm not sure what you could say that would cross a line, Sebastian. Just ask."</p><p>"Okay." He pauses nervously for a moment before continuing. "If your dad decides to leave... will you go with him?"</p><p>"Well... he's my dad," Lizzie says, confused. There's only one answer to this question, so why would he even ask?</p><p>Sebastian sighs. "I know. but... you're <em>safe</em> here. We have food and shelter and weapons-"</p><p>"Sebastian-"</p><p>"You can choose to stay," Sebastian says, and there's a hint of desperation in his voice as he reaches for Lizzie's hands. "I'm asking you to stay, even if he leaves. Even if Josie goes with him. Stay here, stay with me."</p><p>Lizzie pulls away from him. "You're asking me to choose you over my family."</p><p>He shakes his head, leaning towards her. "No. I'm asking you to choose <em>yourself</em>."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Alaric ignores the pain as he brings his tied wrists down to his knee roughly, trying to break out of the plastic, again to no avail.</p><p>He knows there's a way to break free, he knows he can get out of this.</p><p>He has a plan. It's a bad one, and he knows it's a bad one, but it's all he has.</p><p>He's going to break free and leave. Alone. He'll come back for his family, he won't leave them here. But right now this is his only option.</p><p>So he tries again- uses all his strength to slam his arms down into his kneecap.</p><p>And this time, it works. The zip ties snap and fall to the ground and his wrists are free, finally, and he can't help the sigh of relief that escapes.</p><p>Alaric quickly moves towards the gate, his hand barely grazing the wood when something suddenly pushes against it from the other side, causing him to stumble back.</p><p>And then he hears the growling.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"It's selfish. I can't."</p><p>"Elizabeth, please," Sebastian begs, squeezing her hand. “You deserve better. You deserve to feel safe. You deserve to have food and shelter. You deserve this, more than anyone I know."</p><p>Lizzie's eyes begin to tear up because she doesn't want to go. She doesn't want to leave, she wants to stay here and feel safe. She wants to be with Sebastian, she wants to be a part of this group, despite how annoying the leader is.</p><p>She wants this, and that's why she needs to leave.</p><p>Before the apocalypse, she had everything. And anything she didn't have, Josie helped her get. Her sister was the selfless one, and she always helped her. Lizzie didn't realize it until everything went to shit, but she vowed to herself that she wouldn't be selfish. She would protect Josie, she would help <em>her</em> and prioritize <em>her</em>.</p><p>She vowed to make it right after doing so much wrong her entire life.</p><p>And this is her test. She won't let herself fail it, she won't fail Josie. This is when it matters, and she's going to do the right thing.</p><p>If Josie goes, she goes.</p><p>She meets Sebastian's eyes, her heart breaking at the sadness in them, because he already knows.</p><p>She prepares herself to tell him, to apologize, to say that she has to go wherever Josie goes- but suddenly a scream pierces the air.</p><p>Sebastian immediately rushes down the ramp, Lizzie close behind with the crossbow.</p><p>"There's a herd!" Maya shouts as she passes right by them, followed by Ethan and Jed, all with their weapons out and loaded as they run down the ramp to the first floor.</p><p>And there is.</p><p>A big one, making their way into the camp through the broken-in gate.</p><p>Hope, Josie, and Alaric are already fighting them off, but there are too many. Even with all of them, it's too many.</p><p>They all begin shooting, the walkers dropping dead, only to be replaced by another coming through the gate.</p><p>There's too many.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"Josie, just take it!" Hope yells, attempting to shove her gun into the girl's hands, but she won't accept it.</p><p>Josie shakes her head and moves away from her, stabbing into a biter approaching them. "I have a knife, I'm okay! You take left, I got this side!"</p><p>Hope hesitates, but listens, moving away from her to the opposite side and taking care of the biters entering the camp.</p><p>"We need to fall back!" Maya shouts behind them.</p><p>"There's nowhere to go, we need to keep them contained here first!"</p><p>If they go to the roof, they'll be trapped- the only escape would be over the ledge.</p><p>They have options here, they have-</p><p>Hope is suddenly shoved over, falling to the ground, her leg twisting and her grip lost on her gun as it clatters a few feet away from her reach.</p><p>A walker is on her, snarling and biting the air, trying to get at her skin.</p><p>Hope pushes at it, tries to get it off her, but it's too heavy and her leg is searing with pain, and she can't move.</p><p>She reaches desperately for her gun, her fingertips nearly grazing the handle, but she can't get it.</p><p>She uses all her strength to push at the walker, and looks around for help, ready to yell for backup, but everyone's fighting off two walkers at a time- no one can help her.</p><p>And then her eyes land on Josie.</p><p>Josie, with her back to the wall, a biter holding her there as she struggles against its grip.</p><p>She doesn't have her knife.</p><p>Hope tries to reach for her gun again, tries to get out of the walker's grip, tries to do something, <em>anything</em>.</p><p>She can't let Josie die. She won't let Josie die while she just watches, powerless.</p><p>She won't.</p><p>Josie is screaming for help, the biter's teeth so close to her neck, grazing her skin, lurching forward to bite her-</p><p>Hope yells in pain as she brings her injured leg up to use as leverage as she flips the walker over, getting free just enough to reach her gun.</p><p>She keeps her foot on the walker's head to hold it back- the worst that can happen is she gets bitten on the foot, which can be dealt with.</p><p>Her focus is on Josie, who's screaming in terror, and Hope sees a piece of fabric hanging from the biter's mouth that's attacking her.</p><p>She could already be bitten.</p><p>Hope raises her gun shakily, aims it towards the biter's head, and pulls the trigger.</p><p>But nothing happens.</p><p>Her gun clicks, but it doesn't fire. She's out of ammo.</p><p>She's out of bullets and Josie is going to die.</p><p>Hope is powerless and she's going to watch Josie die.</p><p>She can't even stand up, no matter how hard she tries, and the biter is still grabbing at her. She needs to do something.</p><p>Josie screams again, and Hope does it, barely conscious of what she's doing.</p><p>Her free hand yanks her necklace from her neck and brings it forward, quickly pulling the engraved bullet from the chain.</p><p>Something sharp digs into her leg but she ignores it, her shaky hands shoving the bullet into her gun, raising it, and shooting as soon as her eyes land on the walker.</p><p>For a moment, time stills.</p><p>Hope prays, with all she is, that she got it. That she didn't miss. That Josie wasn't bitten. That everyone's okay.</p><p>Her leg burns and she can feel her vision blurring.</p><p>The second she sees the walker fall to the ground and Josie's eyes find hers, everything goes black.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"It's just a scratch," Kym murmurs, the relief clear in her voice as she wraps a bandage around Hope's ankle. "You're lucky."</p><p>Hope stays quiet, feeling as if she's floating out of her body, looking down at herself.</p><p>"I'm guessing the morphine is taking effect. Get some sleep."</p><p>Hope's hand reaches out to catch Kym's wrist before she can leave, shaking her head drowsily. "What happened? How did we..."</p><p>"Ethan shot a flare from the roof," Kym explains. "It blew up the building down the road, attracted the majority of them down there. We're all okay. You got the worst of it."</p><p>"Josie wasn't bitten?" Hope asks, her voice a whisper as she feels her consciousness fading again.</p><p>Before she hears an answer, she feels a small body rush into her arms, soft curls pressing against her chin.</p><p>She blinks her eyes, trying to stay awake as she holds onto Pedro, comforting him as he cries.</p><p>"We're okay," she whispers, and time feels nonexistent again, her thoughts fading into nothing.</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>When she wakes up, Pedro's asleep in her arms, and there's a small flame beside her, a vanilla scent emanating from it.</p><p>And Josie, sitting beside her, watching her.</p><p>Hope tries to sit up, but she still feels so exhausted and her body fails her.</p><p>Josie's face is lit by the gentle fire, and Hope wonders if this is even real.</p><p>If any of it is.</p><p>This feels like a dream, the way Josie's looking at her.</p><p>It feels like a dream when Josie murmurs something to her, something she's barely able to comprehend.</p><p>"You're not cruel, Hope."</p><p>The words register in her head, right as the lips press against her own.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>hOsiE kiSs &lt;3</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. Chapter 25</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>super short chapter bc writing fluff is difficult when my brain is just constantly telling me to kill someone off 💀</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Hope's eyes blink open slowly, and she feels the exhaustion leaving her body. There's a sharp pain in her ankle, which alerts her that the morphine has definitely worn off.</p><p>She winces as she sits up, quickly noticing that she's alone in the infirmary. Her mind is groggy, but she swears she remembers someone being in here with her.</p><p>Her throat is dry and her tongue feels like sandpaper, in desperate need of water- but there's something else.</p><p>She brings her hand up to her mouth, her fingertips gently brushing against her lips because she swears they feel... different.</p><p>It's a ridiculous thing to notice but Hope can't shake the feeling. Maybe the drugs haven't fully worn off- she's clearly still out of it.</p><p>Everything from yesterday is a blur, entering her mind for only a second before it disappears- nothing will process fully, and Hope's worried she's forgetting something important.</p><p>She remembers the herd. She remembers them breaking in, she remembers the fear.</p><p>And she remembers-</p><p>Her hand suddenly moves to her neck, fingers grazing the skin there, finding nothing.</p><p>Her necklace is gone.</p><p>The memory floods back quickly, and she can barely comprehend it- but she knows one thing for sure.</p><p>It's destroyed. Broken. Gone.</p><p>Hope expects to feel guilty. Angry. She expects to be in pain because that necklace was the last thing she had from Rose.</p><p>But she doesn't. If anything, she feels... relieved. As if a huge weight had been lifted as if the necklace was suffocating her and now she can finally <em>breathe</em>.</p><p>She's relieved, and she almost feels guilty for it, but something inside her tells her that it was worth it.</p><p>The necklace was destroyed for a reason. She may not know the reason, but she <em>knows</em> it was worth it.</p><p>"Oh. You're awake."</p><p>Hope looks up to see Josie, standing in the doorway with a tray of food. She gets a feeling in her chest as the brunette approaches, setting the tray down on the table- a feeling of familiarity and... something else. "You were here last night?" Hope asks flashes of Josie's face, of the light flame burning in front of them entering her mind before dissolving.</p><p>Josie's face tints a light pink and she's clearly nervous about something. "Yeah, I... came to check on you. And say thank you."</p><p>"For what?"</p><p>The brunette's eyes furrow slightly and she takes a seat on the cot. "For saving my life. Again."</p><p>The leader nods, confusion filling her head as she tries to remember. "Oh."</p><p>"You don't remember?" Josie asks, studying her carefully, and Hope sighs.</p><p>"Sort of, it's... kind of blurry right now. I'm worried I'm forgetting something important."</p><p>There's a short hesitation before Josie clears her throat, and begins going over some of the details. "Not much happened after you passed out. Ethan distracted them and pulled the herd away from the gate. We're rebuilding it now. it's looking good so far. And then Kym gave you pain meds and..." her voice trails off, and Hope feels her heart start to race.</p><p>There's something else. "And what?"</p><p>Josie meets her eyes. "You don't remember anything from last night?"</p><p>"I... I remember you," Hope says quietly, searching her mind desperately for something else, anything else. "And the candle. I wasn't sure if it was a dream."</p><p>"It wasn't,” Josie says softly before averting her gaze and clearing her throat. “Anyway, I just... came in to say thank you. And then you passed out again and that was it."</p><p>Hope doesn't know if she believes her, but she decides to leave it. "Okay."</p><p>"Um, so... I was told to stay here and make sure you ate."</p><p>Hope rolls her eyes. "Told by who? You do realize I'm in charge here, right?"</p><p>"Not today," Josie laughs out, handing her the plate. "I'm gonna trust the one with medical experience this time."</p><p>The leader doesn't accept the plate, just leaves it lying beside her. "I feel fine, really."</p><p>Josie pauses for a moment and then nods. "Great, so you don't need any more pain meds?"</p><p>Hope sighs in defeat, giving the girl a pained look. “I never said that. Do we have any more?"</p><p>"Maybe," Josie says with a smile, nodding towards the tray. "Eat and I'll get Kym to give you another dose."</p><p>The leader sighs, looking back and forth between the food and Josie. "Deal."</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"We're going to have to find another solution," Ethan murmurs as he nails in another board to the broken gate.</p><p>Maya stabs a nearby walker with her spear and sighs. "This is all we can do right now. Hope needs a break."</p><p>"We could section off the first floor entirely. That way if anything breaks through the gate, there'll be another layer protecting us," Jed suggests.</p><p>"Where will we put him, then?" Maya asks, nodding to Alaric, who's zip-tied and secured with rope.</p><p>Ethan laughs. "Outside?"</p><p>"I'm right here," Alaric mutters, but no one acknowledges him.</p><p>It's safe to say they're all done with his shit.</p><p>"We'll see what Hope thinks, but not today. Let's just focus on getting the gate repaired, and then we can plan more.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>"How's the gate looking?" Hope asks, picking apart the rabbit meat into smaller and smaller pieces.</p><p>Josie nods as she unwraps Hope's leg, checking on her injury. "Good. Does this hurt?" she asks and presses gently around the nerves in her ankle, testing to see if there's an infection.</p><p>Hope winces and pulls her leg away slightly. "Yeah. It's just sore."</p><p>The brunette inspects the scratch carefully, her heart dropping slightly because the veins along Hope's leg are a dark red. She's about to question it when someone clears their throat behind them, causing her to take a step back and turn.</p><p>"Hey," Jed murmurs, nodding at Josie before meeting Hope's gaze. "Can we talk?"</p><p>The leader nods and Josie quickly gets up, moving the tray of food over to give them more room, before leaving.</p><p>Once she’s out of sight, Jed closes the curtain and takes a sear on the cot beside Hope, his gaze drifting down to her bandaged leg. “How's it feeling?"</p><p>Hope shakes her head, her attention on the boy’s healing nose, guilt quickly filling in her chest. "Jed, I'm... I'm so sorry. I don't know what-"</p><p>Jed shakes his head, sending her a reassuring smile. "It's okay."</p><p>"It’s <em>not</em>,” Hope argues, sitting up despite the pain. “It’s not okay, it’s-“</p><p>"It <em>is</em>, Hope,” he insists, grabbing her hand and squeezing it softly. “I promise. <em>I’m</em> sorry we made things worse for you when you were... reliving things."</p><p>Hope shakes her head pulling away from him and lifting her hands to run through her hair in distress. "I just keep... fucking up. Over and over again. With Rose and Pedro, and now this whole Alaric thing-"</p><p>"Hey, you’re not fucking up.” He sighs when the leader sends him an unconvinced look. “And... even if you were, we'd be right behind you,” he adds.</p><p>Hope shakes her head. “Why?"</p><p>Jed laughs slightly, as if it’s a ridiculous question as if the answer’s obvious. “Because you saved us. You let us in and you fed us, sheltered us. Gave us safety. Gave us a family. You gave us a chance.”</p><p>"It doesn't bother you that I don't know what the hell I'm doing?" Hope murmurs quietly, the pain in her leg subsiding as Jed’s eyes hold hers and he smiles.</p><p>"None of us do.”</p><p> </p><p>-</p><p> </p><p>Josie practically runs away from the infirmary, nearly slipping as she turns the corner to her family’s section, but she doesn’t slow down.</p><p>She needs to get it out before her brain explodes into a million pieces.</p><p>When she reaches their spot, Lizzie’s stitching up her jacket with a roll of thread, and smiles when she sees her sister, out of breath. “Did you go on a morning run or something?”</p><p>Josie ignores the joke and takes in one more harsh breath of air before blurting it out. "I kissed Hope."</p>
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